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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

There is no good reason to make a baby with a man that you aren't married to EDIT

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

but plan to play house with. Just saying! 

If he isn't good enough to love and live with forever by marriage then how is he good enough to impregnate you? 


*********EDIT******** I

For the ones screaming they never wanted to marry and if this is the case with you and SO and you both have verbally committed to a longeterm marriage like committment then yay for you but if it's all the same then why not be married?

For the ones using  your beautiful child as the reason then yes your child is beautifuk but you do realize you made them from a broken home and if you are not longer with the daddy and you die, that child is back to custody of a man not worth marrying? 

Posted by Anonymous on May. 28, 2012 at 12:10 AM
Replies (661-670):
randi1978
by Murdoc's Mistress on May. 29, 2012 at 10:40 PM

That depends on the state/country you live in.  A lot of states here in the US are actually doing away with recognizing common law marriages.

Quoting kasi92:

Technically if a couple lives together for 6 years, refer to each other as husband and wife and live like a married couple, they are considered married. If they choose to seperate they actually have to go through a divorce proceeding. It's called Cohabitation. Look it up



Mamaof3and1tobe
by Platinum Member on May. 29, 2012 at 10:43 PM
Well I made four awesome kids outside of a marriage. :) he's a damn good daddy and I'm glad they'd go to him if I died
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 30, 2012 at 2:26 AM

I suppose I could elaborate just a little. My husband recieves a signifigant sum of money every month that we use as a way to enhance the life we raise our children in but if we were to be married legally it would stop. It isn't state support. I just wanted to clarify that much. And yes, we had a beautiful private ceremony and everyone who knows us, and everyone on here knows us as husband and wife because thats what we are to each other. We have the commitment, just not the paper

wink

Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting Anonymous:

I am not legally married to my "husband" but no one actually knows that. We have a lifelong commitment to each other but we have personal reasons for not wanting to be legally married. Yes it involves money and no it isn't the states money.

If you made some form of commitment even if not legal documented but contractual where you both acknowledge how you feel and what you are agreeing to then so be it.  If it has the same premise of lifelong like a legal marriage then it's still a marriage. Not all marriages are legal in nature. Did you have any type of ceremony? Do you live in a common law state? I don't know what you mean about not wanting to be married because of money. Do you care to elaborate? I can only think of one type of scenario that it would be best to not legally marry with money involved. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 30, 2012 at 9:27 AM

That is married. Just not with legal document. You both understood the commitment and took it the step futher to seal the deal by seriously committing to those around you as they lay witness of your intent for lifetime partnership. 

Quoting Anonymous:

I suppose I could elaborate just a little. My husband recieves a signifigant sum of money every month that we use as a way to enhance the life we raise our children in but if we were to be married legally it would stop. It isn't state support. I just wanted to clarify that much. And yes, we had a beautiful private ceremony and everyone who knows us, and everyone on here knows us as husband and wife because thats what we are to each other. We have the commitment, just not the paper

wink

Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting Anonymous:

I am not legally married to my "husband" but no one actually knows that. We have a lifelong commitment to each other but we have personal reasons for not wanting to be legally married. Yes it involves money and no it isn't the states money.

If you made some form of commitment even if not legal documented but contractual where you both acknowledge how you feel and what you are agreeing to then so be it.  If it has the same premise of lifelong like a legal marriage then it's still a marriage. Not all marriages are legal in nature. Did you have any type of ceremony? Do you live in a common law state? I don't know what you mean about not wanting to be married because of money. Do you care to elaborate? I can only think of one type of scenario that it would be best to not legally marry with money involved. 



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 30, 2012 at 9:28 AM


Quoting Mamaof3and1tobe:

Well I made four awesome kids outside of a marriage. :) he's a damn good daddy and I'm glad they'd go to him if I died

Are you living with the dad or if you died the kids would suddenly suffer your death and moving?

LaffItUpFzbl
by Bronze Member on May. 30, 2012 at 10:16 AM

If you are not married, and live with someone and have children together, and you don't have a will in place, then you are dumb. A will doesn't just disperse assets, it's legally binding as far as final wishes go, too. But if you are not married, and live with someone and have children together, and you don't want your children to live with that person after you die, you are also dumb. (PS - Even if you make a will stating that you want your kids to live with, say, your sister if you die, the father has a legal precedent over your will and would have to either give up his parental rights, or be found unfit before your kids could go live with your sister, who would also have to be legally declared their guardian - please don't take my word that a will stating "thus" makes it so.)

I am not married, and live with a wonderful man, and we have three beautiful children together. He is the husband of my heart and an amazing father. We just never bothered with the legal stuff. We find wedding ceremonies and parties to be money that we don't want to spend, and we find it completely unnecessary to be legally married for any reason. And we have legal wills stating exactly what should happen to our assets and our children if either of us should die. And you have to take an extra step to make sure that your domestic partner will get your money by designating him/her as the beneficiary on things like life insurance policies and 401k's. Which we did. It doesn't take a brain to get a scrap of paper from the government stating that you're legally bound. But it does take one to set up a nice life together, raise and provide for gorgeous children, and to make sure that it will continue as promised upon the death of one of the parents.

Oh yeah, you should also have a will if you are married. Especially if your partner was married before, or if you have kids. You should have a will, anyway. You'd be surprised what your dumbass relatives will squabble over if you get hit by a dump truck tomorrow. I've seen it happen in my own family and in others. Death hurts, first. Then it kinda makes some people complete raving morons. My family is pretty cool, and so is his, but we have every nut and bolt in our house spelled out on paper if something happens. Better to be prepared than surprised, as my Mom always said.

ProudArmySister
by Bronze Member on May. 30, 2012 at 12:05 PM
Sorry you still sound ignorant. I know someone very close who got married then had kids and THEN the husband beat her half to death so she left him. He wasn't a douche before they got married. They were together for 7 years before they married. My fiance and myself aren't married and our son is smart, and very much loved. You seem very close minded. Plenty of people have kids and are fine not being married to the child's father. Honestly it seems like you were just trying to pick a fight with this post.

Quoting Anonymous:



Quoting ProudArmySister:

Have you looked around you? Half of the population with kids aren't married or have been divorced. Get the stick out of your behind, and mind your own business.

Just because half the people do it doesn't make it right. BTW it is my business and it's yours too. That's what is wrong with the world.

So we are clear I know of ZERO divorced parents where one isn't a total douche and was to begin with but the other party just ignored and made kids with their worthless ass anyway. Now they play a game a chess and the kids are a pawn, only one side is playing the kids. The other side is constantly trying to emotionally stabilize the children before they return to the psychos house. If they are lucky the ex spouse or ex lover is absent but guess what? The kids still suffer! 

Now for those baby makers never married and always breaking up or moving on, they suffer the same shit. When the kids get a little older they learn what a pawn they have been.  Do you know many couples where what one parent buys for the child can go between houses? I know where one side always allowed this until the other side that never allowed this starting keeping the things sent. The kids own nothing, not even thir birthday gifts because the parents fight over where the shit has to stay. Oh yeah, they are all well adjusted kids my ass. 

Please don't use the arguement of shitty marriages. Those are wrong and should have never happened. Just because you can make a baby with anyone doesn't mean you should and my point is that if you don't have a sure thing then don't make a permenant thing. If you are so foolish that you think you have a sure thing and you don't then you had some huge blinders on and take them off before you find another douche. 

Your relationship wasn't arranged and you get to pick so take responsibility for your disaster and no whining when you finally realize he is douche. You knew it before but accepting it was apparently not something you could do. (Not about you but in general to all the yous)

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ProudArmySister
by Bronze Member on May. 30, 2012 at 12:07 PM
AND my parents are divorced and you don't see me crying in a corner. People change.
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DuchessScrat
by Platinum Member on May. 30, 2012 at 12:18 PM

My situation exactly.

Quoting soontobemom85:

I agree. Me n dh were in engaged when i got pregnant. We got married when our ds was 5 months old


xoch86
by Gold Member on May. 30, 2012 at 1:16 PM
Quoting Anonymous:




well then again, i reapeat he is every bit my husband as someone who signed a paper. I may be 26 years old, but i am not a child who goes arond playing those make up/break up games.

you ask if i want all that a marriage has to offer why im opposed to a legal marriage? well, i believe i do have everything a marriage has to offer. i dont think there is a single thing i dont have that a "married" couple doesnt have. we have a will that gives mysefl and my children legal right to everything we have.. so whats missing? and why would that be not considered right?

i did not mistakingly make my daughter with her father. i was committed to her father, exactly as i am to my husband now and we had her with that same love, devotion, and understanding. we were good parents, but unfortunately as time passed, we were not a good couple. we know who we were before and after our daghter was born, but everyone grows and changes as time passes and sometimes it doesnt work out. does that make him any less worthy of fathering a child with? i certainly dont think so..

and again, our family, HER family is not broken. it is extended. no her parents dont live together, but she lives on both sides of that family with two parent, a mom and dad on both sides. and he will tell u, that leaving her with me is just as easy as it is to leave her with her grandmother because we are all family to her just the same. you say she doesnt have a mom and a dad at home? hell yah she does, again, on both sides! you say every kid wants that, well MY kid is super lucky then, cause she gets that times 2! which is the point of this post, right?

her father was just fine before AND after our daughter, but was not the right fit for me. BUT she was none the less created with the same commitment as any other married couple, so i still fail to see YOUR point.

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