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not sure how I feel on this one..

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 16 Replies
My DH set up a 401k today and made my youngest two the benificarys with me contigent.. Now my oldest daughter is his step-daughter that he raised since she was 10mos old and treats the same as his bio dd. He said he wouldve made her a benifactor also but only two allowed.
Now let me say I understand why he did it this way I truly do. But when he first told me I had a jolt of Im not sure what.... probally because in 6 years he's never done anything that treats her differntly in any way. Obviously I didnt say anything to him but I really dont know what that feeling was and I dont want it to fester so im here lol.
Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 2, 2012 at 5:48 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Jeckyls-mommy
by on Jun. 2, 2012 at 5:52 AM
I could understand why he did it. If I had to choose between my boy or his half brother, I would pick mine. And I treat him any different then mine aside from maybe discipline. I will not spanking his brother. Period. For any reason. But when Sampson gets bigger, there are certain things I would.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 2, 2012 at 5:57 AM
Yea I understand why and he doesnt treat her differnt in any way.. (her bio dad has no contact,his choice) and calls her his daughter and she dad.. and yes she knows we decided early on not to mislead her on that.
plus he looked like he felt bad about it..
it was just that feeling I got when he said not her.

Quoting Jeckyls-mommy:

I could understand why he did it. If I had to choose between my boy or his half brother, I would pick mine. And I treat him any different then mine aside from maybe discipline. I will not spanking his brother. Period. For any reason. But when Sampson gets bigger, there are certain things I would.
Jeckyls-mommy
by on Jun. 2, 2012 at 5:59 AM
Quoting Anonymous:



Ya that's is also completely understandable. Because it's your child that got left out...well that makes it sound mean, but you know what I mean.
Sunshine257
by on Jun. 2, 2012 at 6:00 AM

That would make me upset too. If something happens to him and the accounts only go to his children not her that would make me sad in her position. If there were only two slots there isn't much you can do about it. I would feel weird about it too.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 2, 2012 at 6:03 AM
Ok makes me feel better im not an oddball..

though i did tell him we should just have a fourth and then i can put two on my own 401k....he didnt go for it lol

Quoting Sunshine257:

That would make me upset too. If something happens to him and the accounts only go to his children not her that would make me sad in her position. If there were only two slots there isn't much you can do about it. I would feel weird about it too.

mandella79
by Gold Member on Jun. 2, 2012 at 6:28 AM
Why wouldn't your dh put YOU as his primary beneficiary?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 2, 2012 at 6:38 AM

You should be his primary beneficiary ... you are the one left to raise his children after his death.  You are his partner.  You should be where this asset goes - your children aren't the ones to pay the bills, to arrange the funeral, etc.  People who are unmarried often list children such as nieces and nephews but as his spouse, you would be the primary.  Unless, of course, he isn't planning on being with you ... in which case he would leave his money to his children. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 2, 2012 at 6:43 AM
Because I'm in charge of it if they are underage and if they are of age then most likely i am pretty well set up already by that point in my life so I wouldnt need the money.

Quoting mandella79:

Why wouldn't your dh put YOU as his primary beneficiary?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 2, 2012 at 6:44 AM
No its set up like this becausr if they are underage I will be in charge of the money and if they are of age then most likely I will be doing pretty well and wont need the money. makes more sense for them to get it then.

Quoting Anonymous:

You should be his primary beneficiary ... you are the one left to raise his children after his death.  You are his partner.  You should be where this asset goes - your children aren't the ones to pay the bills, to arrange the funeral, etc.  People who are unmarried often list children such as nieces and nephews but as his spouse, you would be the primary.  Unless, of course, he isn't planning on being with you ... in which case he would leave his money to his children. 

lovelove211
by Platinum Member on Jun. 2, 2012 at 6:45 AM
I can understand that, I'd be funny about it too
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