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Am i over reacting? How would this make you feel?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post



Question: Am i over reacting




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This summer my aunt offered to take DD to her friends house every teusday for a bible study/pool party. awesome. i was grateful and DD had a blast. 

but today, my daughter informs me that next week, she has to wear her pajamas over to my aunts house, so that she can shower and dress over there in the clothing that my aunt bought her (without telling me) so that she doesnt smell like smoke when they go to her friends house. i also found out that my neice (16) has been being ugly about it, like forcing my DD to stay out of her room, and if my DD does go in her room, my neice freaks out and sprays her whole room with smelly stuff. 

my husband smokes, but he smokes OUTSIDE and at work. and my daughter is never in his car only mine and i dont smoke.. and yeah, im sure our landry has a smokey smell to them because of that. 

but my first thought was 'how DARE you tell my child something like that?'

i feel like i dont want to send her anymore :( 

Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 5, 2012 at 9:45 PM
Replies (11-17):
by on Jun. 5, 2012 at 10:06 PM

well i don't like my girls being around people that drink!  so what am i supposed to do... keep her away from most people.  i can understand about wanting people who smoke to go outside but really... 

by Ruby Member on Jun. 5, 2012 at 10:08 PM

Quoting 2littledaisies:

Yes the aunt handled it poorly but I would be more embarassed for my kid smelling like smoke than being mad.

by on Jun. 5, 2012 at 10:09 PM
I agree with your aunt. Clothes smell terrible when they are around smoke!
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by Platinum Member on Jun. 5, 2012 at 10:17 PM

I don't know you, your aunt or your niece, but my ds has asthma and allergies (including cigarette smoke) and can give him (as well as me) a migraine. HOWEVER, if I were your aunt I would have said to you that the smell of smoke (even though your dh doesn't smoke around her) is on your dd and that it makes me ill and that the friend whose house we are going to doesn't like the smell of smoke and ASK you if you mind if she takes a shower at my house (and wears clothes that I bought her, that don't smell like smoke).

Since you are family she probably didnt' think anything of it. I wouldn't get too upset over it, if it were me.

Dobermans are like Potato chips, nobody can have just one!

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 5, 2012 at 10:27 PM

sorry all i stepped away. 

after relaxing a bit i DO see her point. i just initially got upset, because i felt like she was insinuating that i dont take good enough care of my daughter. 

she is 5 btw for the ones who asked. 

Im gonna call her tomorrow morning and talk to her about it instead of just sitting around and being crabby about it. 

by on Jun. 5, 2012 at 10:29 PM

Well, it IS going to make you feel uncomfortable.   You feel singled out and it's not fun feeling that way.   You are also feeling judged and especially regarding the care of your child.

So, acknowledge that you feel that way first, and then ask yourself...

What if the tables were turned?   I want to take my niece with us, but my own daughter and my friend I take her to have complained about the smell of smoke on her.   One, yes, the 16 yr old isn't being kind... but 16 year old cousins aren't always kind.   She DOES have the right to not want smoke smell in her room, though.

So, calm down, breathe... be thankful you have famiily that wants your daughter in their lives.   And then decide what you want to do and how you want to handle it.

by on Jun. 5, 2012 at 10:34 PM

I would feel the same way. That would piss me off. She should not have said that to your DD, if it was an issue then she should have come to you about it! I would call her & ask her why she said that to you DD & did not just call you about it. & I think it is mean for the 16yr old to act like that. Shes just a little girl, if her clothes do smell then its not her fault! & if she isn't ever really around the smoke I don't see how she would smell that bad. Sounds like your aunt is over reacting a bit. You should call & omfront her with the issue though & talk to her about, try to be calm, before you stop letting your DD go. Because even though its messed up the way your aunt did this, it would be punishing you DD if you don't let her go. & Im sure she enjoys the time she spends there. Just call your aunt & talk to her & explain to her that next time she needs to come to you & not put your DD in the middle of it.

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