Alright, I have this friend. We've been BFFs for over 10 years now (im only 25 and shes 24 so thats a pretty good chunk of time) and I love her to death. We've always been like sisters and we have been through alot together but I am at a point now where Im not sure if I can keep associating with her. Im sure what I am about to say will not sound like I love her but I do, Im just really frustrated and I need to vent and would appreciate some advice.
K, I'll try to put it in a nutshell. We both used to be a little wild when we were younger but I feel like I have matured and she has progressivly gotten worse. I have one kid who's 5, Im not with his dad anymore but he is very much involved which I am very grateful for. She has three kids, ages 6, 5 and 3. Two different dads, the two oldests' dad is 14 years older than her- total deadbeat, does nothing to help her. Doesn't call, visit, lives 6 hours away and the last time he saw them he let the middle one get in the medicine cabinet and eat a bottle of asprin! Yeah- he's a total piece, but her youngests' dad is worse. Hes 13 years older than her and a crack head. Literally. He smokes crack. Enough said. She does not do any drugs, she drinks (ALOT now) but no drugs. Shes left him about 15,000 times but keeps going back and every time she does she needs money, help moving her stuff, a ride here blah blah blah and I do it every time in hopes that it will be for the last time-Never is! Her kids never have shoes, even in public!! They're always a mess, shes always yelling at them and she never has all three at once. One or more of them is always mysteriously with someone eles somehow. Her middle child is developmentally delayed and for the longest time she refused to adknowledge it, refused to have him tested and would get mad at anyone who brought it up. Finally, she started sending him to school and they made her get him tested. Sure enough, he has mild mental retardation. Now he's missed out on three years of valuable time he could have been getting help with his disability. (There have been sings since before he was two)
She on PA, gets like $600+ in food stamps, lives in Section 8 housing in the ghetto!! Not being mean, just stating a fact- she lives in the ghetto. Like, I seriously won't go to her house because it's not safe. Her priorites are just fucked. What brought this rant to a head right now is this. Last weekend, she's out drinking at the bar, her friend gets in a fist fight with some girl over some "Bitch, thats my man!" BS and so she steps in and the guy chokes her (leaves bruises!) and everyone gets arrested! Im like "Seriously?? Where the hell are your kids?? Or, better yet, where the hell is your Mother F'n BRAIN!?!?!" So, yeah all I can do is SMH. I feel bad for her in some ways, she had it rough growing up but so did I, lots of people had messed up childhoods. Doesn't mean they have an excuse to be trashy and lazy. Im sorry, I do love her but it is what it is, its trashy! She has no ambition for her children or herself. I am wayyy far from perfect but I do strive to be better every day. I have a good job, clean house in a good neighborhood. I send my son to private school with no PA, I have stable home with my S/O of three years, and above all my son is happy, clean and well taken care of at all times. Its not a magic trick, it's part of being an adult. A mom.
Anyways, I've gone on too long but let me reiterate, I have always been there for her. ALWAYS. I'm just tired of watching her self destruct and lettering her life affect mine. I don't feel like walking away is right either but at what point is enough, enough to end a friendship?
Sorry this is so long, I just had to get it out.