Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

IDK anymore man....

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 12 Replies

Alright, I have this friend. We've been BFFs for over 10 years now (im only 25 and shes 24 so thats a pretty good chunk of time) and I love her to death. We've always been like sisters and we have been through alot together but I am at a point now where Im not sure if I can keep associating with her. Im sure what I am about to say will not sound like I love her but I do, Im just really frustrated and I need to vent and would appreciate some advice.

K, I'll try to put it in a nutshell. We both used to be a little wild when we were younger but I feel like I have matured and she has progressivly gotten worse. I have one kid who's 5, Im not with his dad anymore but he is very much involved which I am very grateful for. She has three kids, ages 6, 5 and 3. Two different dads, the two oldests' dad is 14 years older than her- total deadbeat, does nothing to help her. Doesn't call, visit, lives 6 hours away and the last time he saw them he let the middle one get in the medicine cabinet and eat a bottle of asprin! Yeah- he's a total piece, but her youngests' dad is worse. Hes 13 years older than her and a crack head. Literally. He smokes crack. Enough said. She does not do any drugs, she drinks (ALOT now) but no drugs. Shes left him about 15,000 times but keeps going back and every time she does she needs money, help moving her stuff, a ride here blah blah blah and I do it every time in hopes that it will be for the last time-Never is! Her kids never have shoes, even in public!! They're always a mess, shes always yelling at them and she never has all three at once. One or more of them is always mysteriously with someone eles somehow. Her middle child is developmentally delayed and for the longest time she refused to adknowledge it, refused to have him tested and would get mad at anyone who brought it up. Finally, she started sending him to school and they made her get him tested. Sure enough, he has mild mental retardation. Now he's missed out on three years of valuable time he could have been getting help with his disability. (There have been sings since before he was two)

She on PA, gets like $600+ in food stamps, lives in Section 8 housing in the ghetto!! Not being mean, just stating a fact- she lives in the ghetto. Like, I seriously won't go to her house because it's not safe. Her priorites are just fucked. What brought this rant to a head right now is this. Last weekend, she's out drinking at the bar, her friend gets in a fist fight with some girl over some "Bitch, thats my man!" BS and so she steps in and the guy chokes her (leaves bruises!) and everyone gets arrested! Im like "Seriously?? Where the hell are your kids?? Or, better yet, where the hell is your Mother F'n  BRAIN!?!?!" So, yeah all I can do is SMH. I feel bad for her in some ways, she had it rough growing up but so did I, lots of people had messed up childhoods. Doesn't mean they have an excuse to be trashy and lazy. Im sorry, I do love her but it is what it is, its trashy! She has no ambition for her children or herself. I am wayyy far from perfect but I do strive to be better every day. I have a good job, clean house in a good neighborhood. I send my son to private school with no PA, I have stable home with my S/O of three years, and above all my son is happy, clean and well taken care of at all times. Its not a magic trick, it's part of being an adult. A mom.

Anyways, I've gone on too long but let me reiterate, I have always been there for her. ALWAYS. I'm just tired of watching her self destruct and lettering her life affect mine. I don't feel like walking away is right either but at what point is enough, enough to end a friendship?

Sorry this is so long, I just had to get it out.

Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 7, 2012 at 4:27 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
jshalas89
by on Jun. 7, 2012 at 4:40 AM
2 moms liked this
That's not a nutshell but I read it anyway.

I'd say you're already doing what you should be by keeping your distance. I don't think you should help her out with moving from baby daddy douche bag anymore though. It doesn't seem like y'all are two peas in a pod like before and that's obviously a good thing. GL with your decision.

I hope this makes sense as I'm slightly tired.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mstkn.identity
by on Jun. 7, 2012 at 4:52 AM
Wow, id seriously keep my distance and not help her as much if at all anymore. Im shocked she aint lost her kids to the state.

Im sorry hun.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
DaisyMaeBunny
by on Jun. 7, 2012 at 5:01 AM

I've been in your shoes, the exception is that it was my stepson and daughter in law. No walking away from that. I called SRS and reported them for neglect of their 4 children. What they found when they went to the house was far worse that I had even imagined. The children now live with her parents and are well taken care of. If I were you, I would make a call to SRS, if nothing else, to check in on the kids. Good Luck :)

StormySkye
by on Jun. 7, 2012 at 5:07 AM
1 mom liked this

I know it's hard to see a true friend, someone you love and care about let their lives become so fucked up...I have gone through this with a girl I have known since I was 8 and while she has no children ( thank god )...her life has spun out of control...drugs..drinking..It's so sad to see because she was so smart..had so much potential. But as I got my life together and moved forward she slid into the state she's in now..constantly drunk, high or both, no job and seemingly no hope. I had to distance myself from her and her problems. I still see her now and then but never really get into any deep conversation...which in her usual condition she couldn't hold one anyway. Sad so sad....

I would be concerned about her children but her...not so much....she has made her choices in life and she needs to be the one to see herself out of them if she so chooses.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 7, 2012 at 5:47 AM

Honestly, you can't save some people. They just live off of constant drama and instability. It is also best not to associate with them because they're shitty role models for children.

Lovemyfamilyof8
by on Jun. 7, 2012 at 5:58 AM
1 mom liked this
Okay, I am going to suggest an intervention! Gather whomever you can that is of sound mind and intervene properly! Let her know that if she wants to keep the good relationships, she must leave the bad, quit drinking and be an appropriate mother. Pretty much make it known noone will help her, and will call whomever necessary to protect the children if she refuses! GL!
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 7, 2012 at 12:22 PM

She has definatly came close to loosing them in the past!

Quoting mstkn.identity:

Wow, id seriously keep my distance and not help her as much if at all anymore. Im shocked she aint lost her kids to the state.

Im sorry hun.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 7, 2012 at 12:28 PM

I love your idea but in all honesty, part of the reason I feel guilty about cutting her off is because she really doesn't have anyone in her life that she can trust other than me. No one in her family is even slightly "of sound mind" and her "friends" are a joke. It's to the point where she has at times put me in control of her money so that her dad or her childrens father don't steal it from her. And I have definatly tried my best to get through to her but it just doesn't seem to take. If I call DCF, she would probably expect me to take the kids (a task I am really not up to!) and if I didn't who knows where they would go...It really seems like I may have to at some point though.

Quoting Lovemyfamilyof8:

Okay, I am going to suggest an intervention! Gather whomever you can that is of sound mind and intervene properly! Let her know that if she wants to keep the good relationships, she must leave the bad, quit drinking and be an appropriate mother. Pretty much make it known noone will help her, and will call whomever necessary to protect the children if she refuses! GL!


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 7, 2012 at 12:30 PM

True. I really think she does get off on the attention and the drama.

Quoting Anonymous:

Honestly, you can't save some people. They just live off of constant drama and instability. It is also best not to associate with them because they're shitty role models for children.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 7, 2012 at 12:34 PM

Wow. It takes alot to get to that point but Im sure you did what was right. Super hard though :(

Oh, I left out a crucial point. This is kinda a family matter for me too beacuse her crack head boyfriend-yeah, he's actually my cousin. I despise him!! I was against the whole thing from day one and everyone in my family tried to warn her. He has tormented my aunt for years and stolen from everyone I know. He is not allowed anywhere near me and half my family feels the same way. Just makes the whole thing even crazier...

Quoting DaisyMaeBunny:

I've been in your shoes, the exception is that it was my stepson and daughter in law. No walking away from that. I called SRS and reported them for neglect of their 4 children. What they found when they went to the house was far worse that I had even imagined. The children now live with her parents and are well taken care of. If I were you, I would make a call to SRS, if nothing else, to check in on the kids. Good Luck :)


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)