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An abortion question...not a debate...just wondering something

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Ok I know it is a woman's right to get an abortion and no one else gets a say in the matter. you think it is wrong to get an abortion and not tell your SO/DH?

I think it would be different if it is a one night stand type of deal.  But other than that I think the guy at least has the right to know the decsion you made.  I think not telling him is being deceitful

This was never meant to be an aboriton debate as to whether abortion is right or wrong.  It was meant exactly as the question stated.  Can we please take it back to its intent?  

Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 10, 2012 at 10:20 AM
Replies (531-540):
by on Jun. 13, 2012 at 9:55 PM

Yes, those were my exact words!! Good for you! I think you probably ought to spend more time reading what is actually there instead of possible implications though, since the "implications" can be different according to who is reading the post.

No one has to take that chance, has the law changed in the last couple days and I didn't hear about it? Far as I remember, abortion is still legal. I believe we were talking about what we feel is right?

Quoting briansmommy2010:

"I can't fathom why anybody who calls herself a mother wouldn't" were your EXACT words. You might need a quick lesson on how the things you say (type) can IMPLY certain other things.

Again-why should somebody have to take the chance, just because the doctor may be wrong. If my doctor is advising me to get an abortion because my life is in jeopardy, you're damn right I'm gonna get that abortion. I'd rather live with the "what ifs" for the rest of my life, than not live to watch my son grow up.

Quoting harehelper:

Why, do you think you are not a real mother? Because I never said that, you did. Of course the doctor wouldn't advise an abortion unless he was sure ( I hope!) but like I said, that is where the whole mistake thing comes in. Doctors are human too, and again, like I already said, sometimes life just doesn't turn out the way the test results say it will.

Quoting briansmommy2010:

So a woman isn't a "real" mother because she chooses to NOT take the risk? Yes, doctors can be wrong, but most doctors will not advise an abortion for medical reason unless they truly believe the mother, or child, or BOTH have little chance of survival.

I would NEVER risk my life for an unborn baby. My son is special needs, and he needs his mother ALIVE more than he needs a sibling. Plus, I could never put that financial and emotional burden on my DF, plus adding another child to the mix. That does not make me less of a mother than you. It just means that I have the ability to think about life AFTER it exists the womb (something you clearly lack).

Quoting harehelper:

Would my choice be the right one for all familes? Well, that is a pretty deep question now isn't it? You are right about one thing, I can only go by what my morals telll me, and that is that I would never kill a child to save my own life.

BTW, just because a doctor says that carrying a baby to term may kill you, doesn't mean it will. Hey, even if they tell you it is certain, doesn't make it so. Doctors make mistakes too, and sometimes things just don't work the way the test results say they will.

Quoting briansmommy2010:

Of course it's your choice. I think it's a foolish choice, but it isn't my choice to make.

What's WRONG is you assuming that your choice is right for all families. My sister almost lost her life when she delivered her second. She knew after that that she could not have anymore children without most likely losing her life. She had her tubes tied, but knew if that failed, she would have an abortion. Her 2 existing children were too important to her to risk bringing a third into the world, without a mother, and putting a HUGE burden on her husband.

Quoting harehelper:

But I thought that was my RIGHT as a woman? To have control over my own body?? Oh, unless it hurts someone else, like an innocent child. Or an unborn one. Or, if we want to be so daring as to go back to the subject of the OP, the father of the child.

Quoting briansmommy2010:

Are you aware that tubals and vasectomies have a failure rate?

And good for you, that you would leave your children without a mother. I'm sure they would much rather have another sibling than their mother.

Quoting harehelper:

Quoting Rooobeee:

Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting alwayskk:

I have a hard time condeming a woman who is having an abortion and hiding it from her abusive husband.

I think each situation is unique. In some situations, yes, I might find them 'wrong', but you can't judge from the outside looking in- you have no idea what you're looking at.

I agree hiding it from an abusive husband is different.  And I am not condemning anyone that I know.  I have just seen it said a lot that someone had an abortion and hid it from their spouse.  It just seems sad to me.

Abortion is not a choice I could make....but if I did...I would want the support of my husband.  I wouldn't want to have to keep it a secret.

I also agree that each situation is different. At one point, I was like you in saying that abortion would ever be a choice for me to make. However, I had a health issue that made me rethink that decision. As a mother of 3, I never thought that I could abort a baby, until my doctor told me that with my health history, a 4th baby could be a life or death situation for me and or baby. At that point, I decided that my children needed a mother more than they needed a new sibling. I did talk it over with DH, and he gave me his full support if the issue were ever necessary. And his decision wasn't easy since his girlfriend before me had aborted his child and he never forgave her for it. I am glad that I never had to make that decision, but I am glad that I have the full support of DH if I ever did.

If your life would be at risk if you got pregnant again, why not get your tubes tied, or get him a vasectomy, or even both? I would not abort even if my life were in danger, what life would I ever be able to have again knowing I had killed an innocent child to save it? I would however be extremely careful to make sure I never got pregnant again.

by on Jun. 13, 2012 at 10:02 PM
Quoting briansmommy2010:

My husband does not own my body oh and guess what? I live a very happy life. And after my first divorce I had no job and only my mothers house to go to.. And guess what? I got custosy of my son and his dad is even a cop. That still didn't keep the judge from giving him to me! Oh and marriage is for all those reasons. Jyst don't be stupid and go into it knowing it's bad. You have no right to judge me. . You and I will never agree so just leave it alone.. Oh and ps... I had two very close friends to our family that murdered bc those CHOSE tostay in an abusive relationship! They would probably still be alive if they had got the help, no if they had accepted the help and left.. But they chose not to. That is why I feel so strongly about this.
by on Jun. 13, 2012 at 10:27 PM
Quoting GoddessNDaRuff:

Yes, but much to the horror and heartbreak of the adopting parents. I can honestly say that I do not know what the right decision opinion that case was.
by on Jun. 13, 2012 at 11:01 PM

Quoting Stacipr:

Quoting GoddessNDaRuff:

Yes, but much to the horror and heartbreak of the adopting parents. I can honestly say that I do not know what the right decision opinion that case was.

I'm glad he got his daughter. To be honest I don't feel sorry for the adoptive parents not one lil bit because they were told that this man did not consent to the adoption. They were being sneaky just like the birth mom and they should have returned the child to her father immediately. They aided in kidnapping imo. He was given custody via the court before the adoption. They could have saved themselve horror and heart break if they would have done the right thing and gave him his child and tried to adopt another child who's parents were willing to surrender. I don't think they deserve to adopt at all after what they did.

by on Jun. 14, 2012 at 9:56 PM

He should have to consent to it. I know too many traumatised men, hurting over the murder of their children.

by Anonymous 19 on Jun. 15, 2012 at 11:09 AM
Quoting Anonymous:

What if you were raped and didnt want to tell anyone you just wanted to have an abortion and get it over with  you were not in love and you did not consent so is it okay than?

This is a choice only that woman can make. It's part hers so it may be in her mind that it's just hers and not part of the monster or the horrible crime committed by the monster. Many women don't have a choice. They can't afford it or they just can't go through with it. Some see the child as an innocent in it all. Or as allies they go through it together. The mother a victim of the rape and the fatherless product of that rape. Who's mother cared for so much she looked beyond her own pain to raise HER CHILD realizing it was never the monsters.

I realize not every one could do this. But lets remember the child never asked to be made, it is the victim of the monster too.....
by Bronze Member on Jun. 17, 2012 at 12:04 AM

I believe that you should tell the biological father. If I somehow got pregnant and somehow decided to abort it, there is no way I wouldn't talk to the father first. The child wouldn't be just mine.

by Anonymous 46 on Jun. 17, 2012 at 3:04 PM
Without him, there would be no baby. Yes, he absolutely has a right to know.
by Anonymous 38 on Jun. 19, 2012 at 2:20 PM

Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting Anonymous:

How could someone after having a living breathing baby then say that if that had to you'd abort the next?? I bet you treated your first pregnancies as if they were babies from the beginning but then I'm sure the unwanted baby would be a fetus right?

As I said you have no idea what it is like.  To me, life starts at conception so from the begining they are all babies.  Yes, it is very sad to have to abort but if the situation is not right than you do want needs to be done. You have babies up for adoption or in foster homes WHO DID NOT ASK TO BE BROUGHT INTO THIS WORLD and they are suffering.  I would not want to bring a baby into this world to suffer because of my mistakes.

by Bronze Member on Jun. 20, 2012 at 7:51 PM

I wish I could make everybody happy by saying there are some conditions under which I agree with abortion...I'm sorry, I just don't.  When I was pregnant with my first son, I told my husband if there were complications, to save my son...regardless.

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