At a complete loss here

[Anonymous]

Five years ago my dd was molested by her cousin. He was 14 and she was 4. We went through the trial and dd knows he went to jail.

Yesterday out of the blue she said she missed him sometimes even though he hurt her. I guess I kind of get it. They did have a lot of fun together until we found out what was going on. He was always doing stuff with her. Had we only known.

I just don't know how to respond to her on this one. She will never see him again.

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

Bump

[ATALHEA]

That it hard. We deal with the same thing with my adopted daughter who was molested by her birth father. Her counselor says that we should be able to remember the good times we had but we also need to recognize a dangerous behavior. Talk to your daughter and tell her that you understand how much fun they had together and you wish things didn't turn out the way they did. Make sure she knows that it is ok to feel however she feels and usually that is very mixed emotions and that is ok too. It is important that she feels safe talking to you and never feels judged. Also reenforce that because of her cousin's behavior that he is not a safe person to be around anymore.

[Tasloley]

Excellent advice, couldn't have said it better!

Quoting ATALHEA:

That it hard. We deal with the same thing with my adopted daughter who was molested by her birth father. Her counselor says that we should be able to remember the good times we had but we also need to recognize a dangerous behavior. Talk to your daughter and tell her that you understand how much fun they had together and you wish things didn't turn out the way they did. Make sure she knows that it is ok to feel however she feels and usually that is very mixed emotions and that is ok too. It is important that she feels safe talking to you and never feels judged. Also reenforce that because of her cousin's behavior that he is not a safe person to be around anymore.

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

Thanks. Sometimes coming up with words is hard. It had been a long time since she brought him up and it has now been twice in the same week.

Quoting ATALHEA:

That it hard. We deal with the same thing with my adopted daughter who was molested by her birth father. Her counselor says that we should be able to remember the good times we had but we also need to recognize a dangerous behavior. Talk to your daughter and tell her that you understand how much fun they had together and you wish things didn't turn out the way they did. Make sure she knows that it is ok to feel however she feels and usually that is very mixed emotions and that is ok too. It is important that she feels safe talking to you and never feels judged. Also reenforce that because of her cousin's behavior that he is not a safe person to be around anymore.