Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

The story of my f***ed up teenage years.

Posted by   + Show Post


I was a wild one when I was 14 years old. I was the type of girl who had to learn the hard way; I never listened to the advice that others gave me even if that advice would protect me. I never thought anything bad could happen to me, Oh how naive I was back then. I started sneaking out when I was 13 and stopped when I was 16. Other than the few times I got caught my parents never knew, I was very sneaky.

Thanksgiving break 2003: I get a call from the guy I always snuck out with. He told me about a party that was going on. It was my best friends brother's birthday and her and her parents were out of town. I was stoked! I still remember what I was wearing: a skin tight glittery quarter sleeve shirt that had the words London on it, and my favorite flare jeans... I thought I was hot shit.  At around 10:30pm after my parents went to sleep I saw my friend pull up to the end of our driveway and I stealthily made my escape. I ran down my long drive way and jumped in his car. Once we arrived I scanned the place for people I knew. Most of the people were 1-3 years older than me (I was a freshman) there were only a few people who were in my grade there. The house was packed, the counters were full of liquor and there were two kegs in the middle of the house. I remember thinking "this is the best party I have ever been to". There was a guy who was on the couch sleeping; I had never seen him before because he had already graduated. He was 18 years old, and he looked scary to me. I was immediately ushered towards the beer bongs in the kitchen, before I had time to think I was guzzling cheap beer. I remember drinking about 5 beers from the bong in a matter of a few minutes. I was pretty trashed, I think while I was drinking someone threw some sort of drug into the funnel because after finishing I was pretty lethargic, could still walk and talk but everything going on around me seemed like a bad dream. At one point I remember scary dude on the couch waking up and talking to me for a bit, the next thing I know I was alone in a room with him and he had my clothes off.

The incident: I was fading in and out of consciousness. There was no violence (I'm lucky there wasn't); I didn't fight because I didn't know what was going on. I really couldn't do much but lay there scared shitless. The next thing I know someone popes out of the closet was a video camera. This brought me out of my haze for a minute; I remember freaking out a little, saying NO several times. I finally broke down crying. I cried so hard that dude got off of me; I thought it was over so I curled up in a little ball on the bed and a girl from my grade came in and talked to me. I was in the fetal position butt ass naked crying and she said "are you ok?" I continued crying and didn't answer; I didn't know what to say. She got up and left. The dude with the camcorder was still filming me through all of this; I didn't really notice him though. The scary guy from the couch walked back in (I have no idea how long he was gone) He had an empty 40oz bottle of beer in his hand, I started to cry again once I realized what he was about to do with it. He positioned me and inserted the bottle into me. I retreated into myself, staring at the celling and sobbing until it was over. I went to the bathroom and locked myself in. I cried for a good 15 minutes, got dressed and got cleaned up I was coming out of my daze so I was back in a functional mind state. I walk out into the living room and see everyone crowded around the TV giggling. I looked past the people at the TV screen and realized that they were playing the video that was taken of me in the room. I ran outside and grabbed my friend who had brought me there; he had NO idea of what had just happened. I begged for him to take me home. The next day I slept ALL day, I told my mom that I didn't feel good and she left me alone. I stayed secluded for the rest of Thanksgiving break didn't talk much, my mom just thought I was sick.

The after math: When I went back to school I wasn't expecting everyone to know what had happed only a few days before. I walked in the front doors and most of the people in my line of sight were staring at me pointing and laughing. I had no idea what they knew, so I put my head down (so people wouldn't see me cry) and proceeded with the walk of shame to my locker. I have never saw the video of that night, but apparently everybody in my school had. I guess for someone who was watching the video it looked as if I was a willing participant in the armature porno. I never told anyone otherwise I didn't even tell my close friends. I can't explain to you my thought process back then, I wasn't even sure if what happened to me was considered rape. For the next 2 years I dealt with daily torment from my class mates. They would call me whore, slut, nasty, and worst of all 40oz. Every time I would walk down the hall someone would yell it out or say it loud enough for me to hear "eww, she is nasty, nasty slut, fucking whore." They even replaced my name with 40, it caught on and eventually everyone was calling me 40oz. I started to believe them, I figured since everyone already thought I was a slut I might as well make it a life style. (I know stupid right) My behavior grew worse and worse, I would sleep with anyone who would have me because that is what was expected of me and I wanted to feel like someone cared about me even for a second. I was chased away from my crowd of friends and thrown into the slut group; I fit in there well because I was the only one who had actually done a porno. SMDH, I was so fucked up in the head back then (I ended up dropping out of school when I was 16 and getting my GED). I saw scary couch guy a few more times, he would hang out at my school. I learned his name was Moises Mendoza; he had a sister in my grade that he would pick up from school. I still snuck out a lot and partied, he was at a lot of the places I was but I tried to stay away from him, we did have some contact. Some how he got my number in 2004, and called me one night, he asked me to hang out with him and his friend. He told me that he would take me out into a corn field and they would both fuck me. Then he said the most disturbing thing I have ever heard. "After we are done I will kill you and bury you in the cornfield" I thought he was joking. He probably wasn't, thank god I had something better to do.

It gets worse: On 3/19/2004 a young mother, her name was Rachelle Tolleson, from our town was reported missing from her home. She had left her 6 month old daughter on the bed and her purse and keys on the dresser. A man hunt ensued, a lot of people from our small town volunteered to cover every inch of the town in search of her. After a few days of seeing this all over the news I had a funny though in my head "I wonder if Moises had anything to do with this." That thought haunted me for the next week or so until the police found Rochelle's body (badly burned) on the edge of Moises Mendoza's grandfather's land. YAH... After years of torture due to this man and the fact that he could have easily killed me, I finally snapped, I ran off with a guy for a few days and when my mother found me she took me to Planned Parenthood to be checked for STD's. On the form you fill out they ask if you have ever been raped, I checked yes not knowing the procedure to follow. They took me back and asked me about it. I broke down because that was the first time I had ever talked about it. They told me that they HAD to tell my mother because I was a minor. I didn't care at that point, I was sick of feeling like shit. After telling her the whole story she took me straight to the Farmersville PD to give my statement.

Everything from that point in my life was hectic.  It was a blur of telling my story to police, district attorneys, family, friends, and giving statements. I started art therapy at the child advocacy center, it helped a lot. I was in therapy for a year leading up the murder trial in which I would have to testify against Moises. On the day I was scheduled to testify I had everyone who I cared about most by my side. I took the stand, looked Moises right in the eyes and told the jury my story. I was shaking the entire time, but afterwards Rachelle Tolleson's parents came up to me. They both hugged me and we all cried in during the hug. They thanked me for being so strong, they told me that I will always have a special place in their hearts because I was able to stand up and tell the jury what a horrible man Moises was when their daughter couldn't. Moises Mendoza was sentenced to Death.

Today: 9 years later I still struggle with the memories of my teen years and what happened to me. My therapist told me that I would need therapy off and on throughout my life. My family and I have moved close to my home town (where all this happened), and we sometimes run into the ass holes that used to make fun of me. Some of them know the whole story and they look at me with respect, sometimes they even apologize for the way they treated me. The others who still think I willingly had sex with Moises Mendoza get straitened the fuck out, lol. I am ok for the most part, I sometimes have breakdowns. This story is shortened quite a bit; if I had written the whole story it would be MUCH longer. If there is anything you are confused about, let me know and I will try to straighten it out for you.I am going to step away from the computer for a while so I can take care of the kiddos.


Here is a link to the murder story IDK how to make it clicky:

http://www.murderpedia.org/male.M/m/mendoza-moises-sandoval.htm

by on Jun. 15, 2012 at 2:43 PM
Replies (81-90):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 18, 2012 at 11:25 AM
I'm sorry to have doubted her.

But why did she go into great detail about a guy she'd never met before on the couch, when the court files say that he picked her up at her house and raped her in the car?


Quoting graciepaige:

It's not made up. I'm her sister, I was tormented and teased right along with her. I didn't get it as bad as her but it was still damaging to my selfesteem. Everything she stated happened.




Quoting Anonymous:

Here is the site if you are trying to find it:


http://lists.washlaw.edu/pipermail/deathpenalty/2005-June/002956.html





I was giving you a chance to answer or delete your post first.





I'm sorry, but if you made this up, that is profoundly cruel to all the victims of rape that frequent this site, along with the family of the woman who was murdered.





If I am wrong, and this did happen to you, I am truly sorry for you.






Quoting Anonymous:

I am going to say this very carefully, because I feel people spend way too much time on this site attacking victims. I am very sorry for what happened to you.







However, I am wondering why your story here does not match the reports from the trial?



graciepaige
by Gold Member on Jun. 18, 2012 at 11:30 AM
The court papers could be wrong. There is a VIDEO of her being rapped on the bed at that party.


Quoting Anonymous:

I'm sorry to have doubted her.



But why did she go into great detail about a guy she'd never met before on the couch, when the court files say that he picked her up at her house and raped her in the car?




Quoting graciepaige:

It's not made up. I'm her sister, I was tormented and teased right along with her. I didn't get it as bad as her but it was still damaging to my selfesteem. Everything she stated happened.






Quoting Anonymous:

Here is the site if you are trying to find it:



http://lists.washlaw.edu/pipermail/deathpenalty/2005-June/002956.html







I was giving you a chance to answer or delete your post first.







I'm sorry, but if you made this up, that is profoundly cruel to all the victims of rape that frequent this site, along with the family of the woman who was murdered.







If I am wrong, and this did happen to you, I am truly sorry for you.








Quoting Anonymous:

I am going to say this very carefully, because I feel people spend way too much time on this site attacking victims. I am very sorry for what happened to you.









However, I am wondering why your story here does not match the reports from the trial?




Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 18, 2012 at 11:32 AM
Ugh, that's awful. The court papers say that she testified she was raped both in the car and the bedroom.


Quoting graciepaige:

The court papers could be wrong. There is a VIDEO of her being rapped on the bed at that party.




Quoting Anonymous:

I'm sorry to have doubted her.





But why did she go into great detail about a guy she'd never met before on the couch, when the court files say that he picked her up at her house and raped her in the car?






Quoting graciepaige:

It's not made up. I'm her sister, I was tormented and teased right along with her. I didn't get it as bad as her but it was still damaging to my selfesteem. Everything she stated happened.








Quoting Anonymous:

Here is the site if you are trying to find it:




http://lists.washlaw.edu/pipermail/deathpenalty/2005-June/002956.html









I was giving you a chance to answer or delete your post first.









I'm sorry, but if you made this up, that is profoundly cruel to all the victims of rape that frequent this site, along with the family of the woman who was murdered.









If I am wrong, and this did happen to you, I am truly sorry for you.










Quoting Anonymous:

I am going to say this very carefully, because I feel people spend way too much time on this site attacking victims. I am very sorry for what happened to you.











However, I am wondering why your story here does not match the reports from the trial?





graciepaige
by Gold Member on Jun. 18, 2012 at 11:42 AM
Idk. I'll talk to her when she gets home. All I've ever heard was about the one at the party.


Quoting Anonymous:

Ugh, that's awful. The court papers say that she testified she was raped both in the car and the bedroom.




Quoting graciepaige:

The court papers could be wrong. There is a VIDEO of her being rapped on the bed at that party.






Quoting Anonymous:

I'm sorry to have doubted her.







But why did she go into great detail about a guy she'd never met before on the couch, when the court files say that he picked her up at her house and raped her in the car?








Quoting graciepaige:

It's not made up. I'm her sister, I was tormented and teased right along with her. I didn't get it as bad as her but it was still damaging to my selfesteem. Everything she stated happened.










Quoting Anonymous:

Here is the site if you are trying to find it:





http://lists.washlaw.edu/pipermail/deathpenalty/2005-June/002956.html











I was giving you a chance to answer or delete your post first.











I'm sorry, but if you made this up, that is profoundly cruel to all the victims of rape that frequent this site, along with the family of the woman who was murdered.











If I am wrong, and this did happen to you, I am truly sorry for you.












Quoting Anonymous:

I am going to say this very carefully, because I feel people spend way too much time on this site attacking victims. I am very sorry for what happened to you.













However, I am wondering why your story here does not match the reports from the trial?






Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 18, 2012 at 11:52 AM
Only if it is not too hard on her.

It just struck me as strange. I couldn't click on the link she posted because I'm mobile, so I looked the guy up because I vaguely remembered his name. So I was surprised when the court papers didn't match, and was really hoping someone wouldn't make this up :(


Quoting graciepaige:

Idk. I'll talk to her when she gets home. All I've ever heard was about the one at the party.




Quoting Anonymous:

Ugh, that's awful. The court papers say that she testified she was raped both in the car and the bedroom.






Quoting graciepaige:

The court papers could be wrong. There is a VIDEO of her being rapped on the bed at that party.








Quoting Anonymous:

I'm sorry to have doubted her.









But why did she go into great detail about a guy she'd never met before on the couch, when the court files say that he picked her up at her house and raped her in the car?










Quoting graciepaige:

It's not made up. I'm her sister, I was tormented and teased right along with her. I didn't get it as bad as her but it was still damaging to my selfesteem. Everything she stated happened.












Quoting Anonymous:

Here is the site if you are trying to find it:






http://lists.washlaw.edu/pipermail/deathpenalty/2005-June/002956.html













I was giving you a chance to answer or delete your post first.













I'm sorry, but if you made this up, that is profoundly cruel to all the victims of rape that frequent this site, along with the family of the woman who was murdered.













If I am wrong, and this did happen to you, I am truly sorry for you.














Quoting Anonymous:

I am going to say this very carefully, because I feel people spend way too much time on this site attacking victims. I am very sorry for what happened to you.















However, I am wondering why your story here does not match the reports from the trial?







JavaLadybug
by on Jun. 18, 2012 at 12:11 PM

Was he ever executed?

And I am so sorry you had to go through all this..

But YES.. YOU ARE VERY STRONG TO DO THAT AND STAND UP AND TESTIFY AGAINS HIM AND SURVIVE ALL OF THIS!

As a survivor myself.. I WANNA GIVE YOU A HUGE HI 5! 


Tough_Love
by on Jun. 18, 2012 at 12:26 PM
I don't know why they put it down like that in the court documents. I think they are refurring to a different incident that happened a while after. Maybe I made it seem like it was the same night? Idk my mind keeps playing tricks on me. I can't seem to remember much of what went on in the court room. I wrote the majority of the story from what I can remember from 9 years ago. I left a lot out partially because to this day I still feel like the second time was my fault. I knew how he was and what might happen if I was around him but I didn't do anything to prevent it.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 18, 2012 at 12:40 PM
i went through alot of things like that. With changes to the story but so similar :(. I have a hard time dealing with things from HS. Ive buried alot of it way down deep and dnt talk about it though :/
graciepaige
by Gold Member on Jun. 18, 2012 at 12:41 PM
I talked to her about it. She added a comment to clarify.


Quoting Anonymous:

Only if it is not too hard on her.



It just struck me as strange. I couldn't click on the link she posted because I'm mobile, so I looked the guy up because I vaguely remembered his name. So I was surprised when the court papers didn't match, and was really hoping someone wouldn't make this up :(




Quoting graciepaige:

Idk. I'll talk to her when she gets home. All I've ever heard was about the one at the party.






Quoting Anonymous:

Ugh, that's awful. The court papers say that she testified she was raped both in the car and the bedroom.








Quoting graciepaige:

The court papers could be wrong. There is a VIDEO of her being rapped on the bed at that party.










Quoting Anonymous:

I'm sorry to have doubted her.











But why did she go into great detail about a guy she'd never met before on the couch, when the court files say that he picked her up at her house and raped her in the car?












Quoting graciepaige:

It's not made up. I'm her sister, I was tormented and teased right along with her. I didn't get it as bad as her but it was still damaging to my selfesteem. Everything she stated happened.














Quoting Anonymous:

Here is the site if you are trying to find it:







http://lists.washlaw.edu/pipermail/deathpenalty/2005-June/002956.html















I was giving you a chance to answer or delete your post first.















I'm sorry, but if you made this up, that is profoundly cruel to all the victims of rape that frequent this site, along with the family of the woman who was murdered.















If I am wrong, and this did happen to you, I am truly sorry for you.
















Quoting Anonymous:

I am going to say this very carefully, because I feel people spend way too much time on this site attacking victims. I am very sorry for what happened to you.

















However, I am wondering why your story here does not match the reports from the trial?








Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 18, 2012 at 1:24 PM
I'm sorry to have doubted you. I really just went to read more about it, then was confused when I read the conflicting story.

I just find these stories so heartbreaking, that having a momentary concern that the post was fake threw me.

I can't imagine what you and your family have gone through.


Quoting Tough_Love:

I don't know why they put it down like that in the court documents. I think they are refurring to a different incident that happened a while after. Maybe I made it seem like it was the same night? Idk my mind keeps playing tricks on me. I can't seem to remember much of what went on in the court room. I wrote the majority of the story from what I can remember from 9 years ago. I left a lot out partially because to this day I still feel like the second time was my fault. I knew how he was and what might happen if I was around him but I didn't do anything to prevent it.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)