Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

So what? I've worked hard for my "PERFECT LIFE" Eff you!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 35 Replies

I know this should not bother me. I'm almost nearing 30, and just had my second child. I have two beautiful boys and an amazing husband, as well as a life we have built with and for one another. It hasn't always been easy, and we have had our struggles, oh LORD, have we had our struggles!

We are "high school sweethearts". We officially started dating the summer before my freshman year of high school. We had MANY break ups and getting back together. There were MANY OBSTICALES!!!!!!

Trust me when I say we have had our fair share of upsets and heart break, that nearly destroyed us. We were just young, dumb, not willing to listen to God, and do things "right", (All of that is an ENTIRELY different post/story for another time, not the subject of this post). In any case, in late 2009 early 2010 when we were still only boyfriend and girlfriend we were having the same old issues as we had always had, and were on the verge of just walking away from one another indefinitely.

February 2009 we found out that we were pregnant again. (We lost our first child. She didn't make it. That was 2 years earlier in 2007). In any case we were terrified needless to say. We were not in a good place with our relationship, financially, with family, and upset from our previous loses.

It took many tears, many sleepless nights during the pregnancy, many stone cold silent nights where it almost felt like we were living separate lives as room mates. It was terrible.

The last almost 2 months of our pregnancy with our oldest taught us a lot about one another. It allowed us to open up more to one another, we calmed down, and magically we started working together rather than against one another. Things started working for us. When our oldest son was making his way into the world, the day he was born my husband (Still only my boyfriend at the time) became a family, it instantly clicked. At that moment, my husband and I knew we were now ready to get married after 10 years of this rollercoaster ride to hell and back again over and over. We got married when our oldest was 7 weeks old.

The last two years we have continued to work on our selves, our family, cemented things in our lives. We got ourselves a beautiful home to raise our children, we got ourselves out of debt, we got a second car, we got financially set, and set our carrers with our jobs, as well as school (Continuing my schooling and hubs is due to start school this fall).

So, the POINT of all of this....... I have been with this group of mothers (due date group for my oldest) since the day we found out that we were pregnant with our oldest son. We have created these bonds and friendships. Over the last almost 2 years we have all grown very close. We have shared a lot, and experienced a lot with one another. We have worked HARD and LONG and FOUGHT equally for the life we have now. It's not "glorious", it's not "perfect", we have our moments, we are just better equippedto deal with our issues now. We learned along this path NOT TO POST our issues on social media. It has blown up in our faces on more than one occasion. So we tend to keep that sort of thing out of the social media world. We go to the appropriate persons we need to, to vent, cope, talk to, confide in, etc. We are just more private about our PERSONAL issues now.

In any case, the ladies (Well not all of them, just a few select ones) felt like they needed to kick me out of this group. No one came to me with the issues they were apparently having, it came utterly out of left field, and without warning. I sat on it for a few days. Finally I decided that I wanted to know what I had done, or maybe even said that earned me being kicked out of the group. So I emailed the women that were on my friends list that are in the group. A very nice, well put and composed message asking them why.

The response was because apparently my "perfect life" rubs people wrong. I guess me posting about the GOOD things in my life dictates that I live the "perfect" life. I have NEVER claimed that. I have never acted that way. I am OVERLY cautious about what I post or how I post it without offending anyone. I do firmly state my opinion however.

Here are some exerts from the message sent back to me:
 

1) "you quite frankly act as though you and your family are better than the rest of us."

2) "Quite frankly, you made a lot of us uncomfortable with your "perfect" life. I for one wasn't comfortable sharing anything personal or any concerns about *****(her child), because of the superior attitude that you always seemed to have. Maybe you didn't see it, but you made most of us feel like we weren't up to your standards."

I hardly post. I haven't posted in a while really. Just random stupid things. I stay out of the post mostly.

I almost, and I did not, but I almost wanted to say this (Because what I wanted to say and did not, is the reason why I had to give you all this back story which probably seems like I rambled on.....)

"SO WHAT? I'VE WORKED HARD FOR MY 'PERFECT FUCKING LIFE'!?!?!?!?!? I DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER TO YOU, OR ANYONE FOR IT. IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME COMING AND A WORK IN PROGRESS FOR OVER 12 YEARS NOW. SO KISS MY WHITE A** AND SHOVE YOUR JEALOUSY UP SOMEONE ELSE'S A**! I WILL NOT BE PENIALIZED FOR HAVING A 'PERFECT LIFE!' F**K YOU!"

Just to clarify, I did not say that. I remained classy, and simply apologized for apparently, unknowingly, and unintentionallymaking "others" feel my life is perfect. It is by NO means perfect, I just don't air my dirty laundry for the whole world of social media to see. There is aboslutely NOTHING wrong with that.

My perfect life, would to be a sahm and be able to home school. BUT, I chose to help my husband bring in an income so we don't live pay check to pay check or go without family vacations. Sure I'm a tight a** when it comes to money and I'm VERY frugal, so we have a substanial savings. But JUST because it's in savings DOESN'T mean it's there to spend, or that we have it to spend. It's being saved for a reason. I guess people just don't understand that. We live a small modest life. We have a "average" sized 3 bedroom 2 bath home (To which we are saving for a larger home), we have my husbands beast of a truck (98 silverado) and my dependable family car (05 Carolla). We both work blue collar jobs. If that's "perfect" well, then so be it. But a perfect life would mean I could stay home with my children, and be able to home school them. Oh and it's NOT my fault that my oldest (almost 2) tested early into an early education pre school, and YES we are having him tested in EARLY to school, we don't feel we should hold him back an entire year because his birthday is 2 weeks after the cut off date. (apparently those make me make others feel inferior to me. Sorry but it's not intended to make anyone feel inferior, it's intended to give my children the best leg they can have in life, even if that means I'm that mom hanging over their shoulder to do their school work, and be in after school activities for college resumes/applications and scholarships. And GOD forbid I put money into a savings account for both of them to have for college. I guess that makes me oh so better than thou to some.)

 

SO screw you, I guess I am better, but I DON'T CARE! My husband and I have worked EXTREMELY hard for all we have and will have as well as what our boys will have!

 

Thanks for letting me vent. Feels good to have off of my chest now. Didn't know I was dealing with high school kids again. I graduated almost 10 years ago. Guess they are still stuck there. (BTW this was on the fb group.)

Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 18, 2012 at 2:04 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 18, 2012 at 2:14 AM
Perception is reality. Maybe you don't think you are coming off as smug or above the others, but they do. So that is their reality. Don't lose sleep over it, but learn from it. It might be a good lesson for you to take with you into new friendships.
.Diddles.
by Gold Member on Jun. 18, 2012 at 2:15 AM
People are jealous. When they are jealous they do mean things like kick you out of the club, get you fired ( happened to my Dh), or start nasty rumors. People will always be jealous even if they know you worked hard for it.
Dh's parents told him he was too stupid to be anything but a blue dollar worker (not making fun of you, they really said this) so he said eff you and went to college and graduated. His parents hated that because they never did. Now he's a white collar worker and making 3/4 what his dad makes two years after college that it took his dad 30 years to make.

Their jealous tells you that you are living a good life for you and they want what you have but don't know how to get it. Fortunately, we do!.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 18, 2012 at 2:17 AM
1 mom liked this

A freaking NOVEL .....

iluv2meow
by on Jun. 18, 2012 at 2:19 AM

good grief you really wanted me to read this novel?

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 18, 2012 at 2:23 AM

 

Quoting Anonymous:

Perception is reality. Maybe you don't think you are coming off as smug or above the others, but they do. So that is their reality. Don't lose sleep over it, but learn from it. It might be a good lesson for you to take with you into new friendships.

 I totally understand that. I get it fully. And thank you for stating that. I showed my husband the responses and I asked him if I give off that feeling to others. I asked my MIL and two of my close in real life friends. They all said the same thing. That, those responses are almost opposite of who I am. That I was the most humble person they all knew. Sure I get overly excited on a bargin, or when I grocery shop I get excited at the savings I've made through ad/price matching and couponing. Who doesn't? I take 3 hours on a Sunday night to prepare the next days grocery shopping to maximize the savings. We don't qualify for PA, which I'm fine with, so I make sure we save every last penny we can.

These are topics OTHER women brought up, and asked my opinion, and I nonchalantly stated my opinion and plans. I asked my husband to read some of my responses, and he said, okay? And? They seem very matter of fact, not gloating, not superior in any way.

I don't plan on losing any sleep over it. I am slightly hurt however. I don't know why it hurts me, but it does. I thought we built good bonds and friendships. For over 2 years we have all been good friends. I know a rather large amount of these women are very young, some as young as 10 years younger. So maybe that's the issue. I know some live with their parents and room mates still. Some are un wed, but I don't even talk down to anyone, because to me that does not dictate how good of a parent someone is.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 18, 2012 at 2:26 AM

i have dealt with that for quite some time now in real life. Just live your life and do what is best for you and your family. If a group is uncomfortable with how you live your life then it is not the right group for you and you will find a new one that is. Also try to remember how you had to work for what you have and realize others are on the same path but just a different path and try to support them where they are regardless of what they have or don't have as long as they are trying to better themselves. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 18, 2012 at 2:29 AM
My ex bf once told me that I don't make a good 1st impression because I had a chip on my shoulder. When I asked why he says "you just sit there smiling with your size 0 waist and big boobs...yada yada"

Um whaaaaat?? LOL
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 18, 2012 at 2:29 AM
1 mom liked this

 Yes, that is what my husband said. That they ARE jealous. It just really hurts because we have worked SOOO hard for this. Our parents don't come from money, they were poor. My grandparents are "old money" and I refuse to take a dime, because it feels like a hand out. I have this pride thing, and it wont let me take it, it makes me work for what I have.

No offense taken. We are working our way from blue collar to white collar, we are hoping that in the next couple of years we make it there. I am currently up for a promotion that will just throw us closer and he is up for a promotion as well. We would need him to have one more promotion after this one (If he gets it) in order to be white collar. It's why I'm finishing school, and he is starting school. When he graduated high school his mom was a single mom working 3 jobs. They could not afford for him to go to college. I worked hard for scholarships. That's why it has taken me so long to finish school. I have NO student loans. I have worked for my scholarships. I only take classes IF I have earned a scholarship of some sort. I am the only one to graduate high school (my parents dropped out, they were teen parents.)

But you are TOTALLY right. Their jealousy means I am living a good life, and they want that. I am proud of it, we have worked our BUTTS off for this.

Quoting .Diddles.:

People are jealous. When they are jealous they do mean things like kick you out of the club, get you fired ( happened to my Dh), or start nasty rumors. People will always be jealous even if they know you worked hard for it.
Dh's parents told him he was too stupid to be anything but a blue dollar worker (not making fun of you, they really said this) so he said eff you and went to college and graduated. His parents hated that because they never did. Now he's a white collar worker and making 3/4 what his dad makes two years after college that it took his dad 30 years to make.

Their jealous tells you that you are living a good life for you and they want what you have but don't know how to get it. Fortunately, we do!.

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 18, 2012 at 2:31 AM

blah blah waaa waaa

Amybelle
by AmyAzing on Jun. 18, 2012 at 2:31 AM

TLDR........but I do like your Title

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)



Featured