I am 8 months pregnant, my the father of the baby broke off our engagement when I was 9 weeks along, though he says he still wants to be in the baby's life. We agree that we don't want to take it before a judge, we want a legally binding agreement but we don't want a judge in issue and order so we agreed to each come up with a parenting plan that we think it fair then get together and try to come up with a compromise. If/when we can reach one, we can file it with the family court and then it will be signed off on and it will be legally binding. If we can't come to an agreement, my ex understands that it will take at least a year, probably more, before we can get in front of a judge so hopefully, that will make him more inclined to be as reasonable as possible. Here is what I am suggesting, tell me if you have any comments or improvements on it:
For the first 3 months, he will visit the baby in my home 2 to 3 times a week for a 2 hours each time. He may bring his parents or sibblings IF and ONLY if he asks me first. No friends or girlfriends (if he gets one) may come.(since I am exculsively breastfeeding it will take about that long to get up my supply so that I can pump)
After the first 3 months, he can take the baby for 6 hours on Thrusday during the day (the day during the week he has off) then he can have the baby for 6 hours every other Saturday and 6 hours the opposite Sunday providing he gets or borrows a car and car seat (as of right now, he only has a motorcycle).
Overnights are not an issue since he doesn't want overnights (and it would make breastfeeding difficult).
Holidays are to be agreed upon with me having final say
Child support is to be paid according to child support guidelines, as of right now, I would get $650 a month but no child care will be needed as I work from home.
This part doesn't need to be in the agreement but I am going to go over how the hospital and delivery will happen:
I will call him when I get to the hospital and am sure they will keep me (if he wants me to).
He will not come in my delivery room, he can wait in the waiting room if he wants
I will call him when the baby is born.
When I am cleaned up and have gotten to nurse the baby, he can then come in and meet her.
The ONLY place the hospital has to let him visit the baby is my room. He may not bring guests in the room (I don't know any of his family, right after I deliver is NOT the time I want to meet people but they live out of town so they probably wouldn't be at the hospital by then anyway).
So me and my ex sat down today to go over our parenting plans. The delivery room situation (which is the thing most on here had a problem with) he completely agreed with me about. He said while he would like to be in the room, he understands how that would make me uncomfortable and doesn't blame me for not wanting him in there. Though, seeing how understanding he was about it, I think I am going to have my sister go get him right after she is born so he can see her right away.
What I am offering is MORE then he was going to ask for. The only thing is, he doesn't plan to get a car anytime soon so he asked if he could continue the visits in my home and on nice days, take her for a walk or to the playground, I agreed.
With the child support issue, he agreed he should pay according to the guidelines he said it doesn't make any sense to try to pay less because if we ever go to court he will end up having to pay the full amount back anyway.