Am I wrong to ask for child support? Update

[Anonymous]

I am due to have my baby any day. I am with the father of my baby but we are not married. I am 19, he is 20, part of me wanted to get married but the other knew that it would be better to wait so that we can get married because we want to, not because I got pregnant. This is all great but the other day, I brought up child support. He looked at me like I was crazy and said, "we are together, I shouldn't have to pay child support". I don't get that, child support isn't punishment for not being with the mother of your child, it's money to help support your child and I told him that. He said "come to me when you need something for the baby, I will happily give you at least half for it. I don't want to do that because I don't want to have to go to him every time I need something for the baby. If we were married, we would share a bank account and I would have access to both of our money, if we weren't together I would get court ordered child support, so why because we are together but not married do I have to go to him for every dime? I am not asking for a lot, just what I would be entitled to if we went and had a judge order it (the form is online and so we just plug in how much he makes and that's it)which is $475. I still live with my mom, I will be renting from her to save money and to help her out since she is getting a divorce so it's not like we are living together and both paying bills.

**********update**********

Many of you mentioned that if my child is on government insurance, I will HAVE to be getting child support from my SO anyway. I called about it and since I am on pregnancy medicaid, the baby will have medicaid for the first 3 months. After that, the baby will have to get medicaid and for that I will have to file with child support enforcement, SO will have to pay them directly and they will pay me. I told SO about this and he thinks I should just give him the money back, that doesn't make sense to me, it would be one thing if the child support greatly exceeded half the costs for the child but it doesn't.

[lukithia]

If you are not married file for child support now. If you get married you can cut it off. Before me and my ex were married I opened a child support case for my daughter. They took the money out his check and tax returns even while we lived together and we used it to live when it came back to me. It was not until we were married that we closed the case. With the divorce I immediately went back to open my case. Emotions, other needs, even irritability can cause a man to not do something for their kids on a whim. Establish the case now you can always close it. As far as giving him back the money if he is not living with you who is taking care of the baby's basic needs. They don't just need diapers and milk and clothes. They need a home, utilities, transportation, water, garbage, sewer. Buying something when you need it doesn't do those things. If you give it back to them you are taking from the baby. If he doesn't get that he is not ready to make big decisions for the baby yet any way. Don't listen to these people who think child support is evil and vindictive. Your not married file for support.

[Gail218]

If he is living w u, then no CS, it is a common sense, if he is out of the house and leaves u and the baby then u can file for CS.

[WildCat73]

he is not entitled to it back it is for the child

[Anonymous]

In NC if you do not receive TANF or after pregnancy the mother doesn't file for medicaid for herself you do NOT have to go after the dad for CS

[Mrs.Campfield]

A reply to your update...

Don't give the money back.  Most child support state standards are 17% of the fathers income.  So unless he is making bank, 17% hardly makes an impact on what it will actually cost to raise a child.  Follow your state standard, File like you are supposed to.  Do what you need to do. 

[Anonymous]

He is legally obligated to pay.  It's not your money it's the baby's.  You cannot legally waive your child's right to child support.  If he is living in the house with you, most states will not go after him for child support even if your child is on some form of state assistance (even if it's "just" insurance), because they will consider you an intact family. However, since you mentioned you live with your mom and didn't state specifically where he lives, I'm assuming you are not sharing a household and not sharing expenses.  Do right by your child and get him the financial support he's due.

[Anonymous]

They don't go after the father for CS if you get medicaid...good god, I hope this post isn't real, you are a whole new level of crazy.

[Gardeningmom4]

He is an idiot.The money is for the child.

[zeesmuse]

Your SO is being selfish. If you are NOT living together, yes he DOES need to pay child support. Find out today what you need to do in order to enforce it. It took my sister 7 months and she filed within days after the baby was born and they did NOT back date the support.

[mbc324]

In Iowa she would have no choice...if the baby is on state medical they would require her to file for child support. He makes $475 a month??