I have had it up to here with all this shit.
Let me give you some background.
My sister came to us just barely over two months ago. She was on heroin pretty bad and had decided to get clean. She detoxed for four days then went right back to work. For the first four or so weeks here I had her three kids, who might I add are HELL to handle for whatever reason, non-stop. I mean from the time they woke up to the time they finally crashed because apparently she doesnt believe in bed times.
In the begining I was very understanding of her/their situation. The kids have some serious emotional problems because of her addiction. For the last four years the only stable home they have had has been with me. Ive collectively had them for around a year and a half total out of the four years. Other than being with me they have bounced from home to home, friends house to friends house. The oldest is 7 and the youngest just turned 3.
The oldest has relayed some disturbing instances were he saw his father use drugs both IV and snorting them. About two weeks after they had been here he told me he saw daddy stick something in his arm then he went to sleep.
So anyways needless to say they DO NOT see their father anymore, not after the last visit were (he lives in a pretty large trailer park towards the back) the kids were told to go to the park which is quite a ways away and wait for Daddy. My nephew said they waited till it started to get dark but Daddy didnt come so they walked back home.
So anyways this past month my mom has taken over their care on the weekends, Sat and Sun only. So that has left me with the kids from 1pm to 8am the next morning when they go back to their moms. They are right back at my house again at 1pm so I feel Im not getting much of a break to say the least. Im 21 weeks with hyperemesis and two kids of my own one of which is disabled so I already have alot on my plate and was starting to spot and get sicker so thats why my mom took over when she can.
We have one car between our households, MINE. Im expected to take her everywhere without complaint, and often times my mom is forced to watch the other kids. I have a honda sedan, four door that only seats three in the back. There are five kids between us.
So whenever she wants to go to the store, job, friends houses (which I absolutely do not agree with as they are her old "dope" buddies) she drops her kids with us. Amid all of this she was talking to her exes best friend, they have since started dating. She brings him around her kids stating that its okay because theyd been around him all their lives. I argue that because it hasnt been in this type of capacity.
She causes constant arguments (more light borderline knock out brawls) and always threatens to "use" or "kill herself" when she feels we are being "to hard" on her. This mainly concerns when she comes home from work acting weird or dumps her kids off on her days off and disappears for seven or more hours at a time. She , despite making supposed really good money at her job, never had money for groceries, clothing, help out with bills, etc. So its all falling on my moms and Is shoulders. My mom can barely support herself and I live on a very strict income.
More than often the kids come to my house having not ate the ENTIRE day. So 90 percent of their nutritional support comes from me. Ive had to twice now borrow money from friends or family to make sure we have food. I have never in my life had to ask someone to help me buy food and honestly Im embarassed.
So back to the point last week while she was off she went out with friends. She was gone almost the entire day (about 8 1/2 hours) did not feed the kids and didnt call to check on them. When I called her she got pissy and said she would be there when she got there and hung up on me. When she got home she wouldnt come into my house she just stood at the doorway and yelled at the kids to come on with it. The next day (she usually has two days off in a row) she comes and gets me at 11:00 in the afternoon and says she needs to go to the hospital cause she has a stomach virus and is dehydrated.
So the first time I took her, arguing against it the whole time. You see my mom has to get ready for work at 1:30 and leave the house by 2:30. Anyone that has been to an ER knows thats not enough time to get seen and what not. So the first time we ended up leaving without her being seen, and we barely make it home in time for my mom to make it to work.
A week goes by and then this happens. She had her boyfriend that I spoke of earlier over to the house. I HAD to go get him at 9:30 at night. She then stupidly asks me if I could watch her kids that night and I quote "because they wont go to bed". I was extremely pissed over this but took them anyways. During that day she had had my two kids for a few hours so I could get some rest in, my hyperemesis likes to rear its ugly head sometimes and I cant get out of bed.
So anyways I take the kids and they stay the night while shes all comfy cozy with her bf. Let me make this clear, she showed absolutely no signs of being sick or not feeling up to par prior to what happened today. Her kids went home at around 8 this morning. Then at 11 she comes over AGAIN and says she has another stomach virus and needs to go to the hospital.
My mom agreed to watch the kids again. She wanted to go to a different hospital that is almost 30 minutes away downtown. I insisted that she go to our local hospital (maybe ten minutes up the road) but she refuses because she says she doesnt like that hospital. They have a thing called fast track where for minor problems your in and out of there in two maybe three hours MAX if theyre really busy.
So I take her to the hospital she wants and drop her off at the ER doors to go park my car. It took me about 15 minutes to get a space in the garage and walk my big butt into the ER. When I get in there shes nowhere to be seen so I ask the nurse who goes in the back and sees if shes there. They found her after another 15 minutes and take me back to her room.
When I get back there the nurse was starting her IV and was setting up fluids, which for a stomach virus isnt out of the norm. Then the nurses leaves and comes back ten minutes later with like three or four syringes full of medication. One was an anti nausea, again expected, then they gave her a steroid and toradol. I kind of inquired why they would be giving her a pain medicine when shes there for a stomach virus. The nurse looks at me funny and says that she was checked in with a MIGRAINE headache.
I keep quiet through this and dont say anything just watch whats going on. She then starts acting like shes having an allergic reaction to the meds and gets shitty with the nurse because they wont treat her with Dillaudid. Its a really high powered pain killer. At that I got really pissed. The nurses must have seen it on my face because she went to get the doctor. I was mummbling under my breath when he walked in and after seeing my attitude he told my sister all they could do for her was give her some valium to calm her down.
Ive had severe allergic reactions to medications many times. And I have never been given valium/ativan/etc to combat an allergic reaction. After about ten minutes and the amount they had given her knocked her out it finally hit me. They knew what she was really there for and my stupid ass didnt put two and two together till that moment. Needless to say I got pissed. I smacked (wrong I know dont bash) the back of her head and told her to get the fuck up. I went and got her nurse and told her we had to leave immediately because it was already 2:30 and we had at least a 25 minute drive ahead of us to get my mom to work.
They came in after about five minutes with discharge papers and pulled out her IV. I was absolutely quiet the whole ride home but inside I was fuming. My mom ripped into me when I picked her up, I finally after being blamed repeatedly for my sisters current fuck ups screamed back and told her that I was lied to and what really happened at the hospital. I did not know that she had told my mom the same lie that she just wanted fluids.
So I drop my mom off and come back home. Im not here more than twenty minutes before her kids show up at my door (They live MAYBE three feet across the hall in the same apartment building) asking if they could come over and play. Now mind you there is absolutely nothing at my house that isnt at my moms. They have toys, tv, computer, etc.
I was still pissed so I said no and told them to close the door. Every ten minutes or so for over three hours they have done the same thing. They dont even knock they just walk right in. The last time I got even more pissed and stormed over to my moms. My sister was up looking perky as ever playing on the computer and texting up a storm. She ignored me but her youngest was crying in the floor. She kept saying Auntie Im hungry. So I turned around and asked the boys when they had eaten. They said they hadnt. Its not 5 pm and they hadnt eaten yet!!
So I screamed at my sister, snatched away my MOMS computer which I PAyYED FOR!! I told her to get up and feed her damn kids before I called our mom at work. She got up and made them ramen noodles. So I went back to my house and layed down while my two were dozing off, they had been up since 6am that morning.
So Im peacefully resting as my stomach was violently churning. Whenever I get upset my HG gets worse and it usually takes quite awhile to (with the help of my zofran pump boluses) get it calmed down were I can set up without spewing like the exorcist.
So Im cruising around on CM and about twenty minutes or so ago my oldest nephew comes back to my house. He says Mom wants to know if youll watch Savannah (the youngest) cause shes sick. I went back over there and without letting her say a word told her if she felt well enough to laugh and chat it up with her friends then she could take care of her daughter that I was off for the day.
I turned around and slammed out of the house. I called my mom at work and let her know what had been going on since she left. She said that she would handle it when she got home and that she was done with this shit.
Do you guys think this is abusing the babysitter style shit? i mean what do I do?
*******
Before anyone says anything I have contacted and made an annonymous claim against her with our childrens protective services. They closed the case after two weeks and have done nothing. The kids, because of no supervision, have torn up my moms home badly. Her expensive couches and chair has the cushions ripped away from them, her carpet (she has hard wood flooring) has snags resulting in long strings hanging from it, they have broken lamps, toliets, dishware, over loaded the toliet with tp resulting in a literal flood of the apartment, and after being repeatedly told not to have been allowed to play on my moms computer unsupervised.
The boys in the last week, mainly because I think they have noticed the anger between my sister and I, have started lieing to her saying that I make them behave when I dont my own kids and that I dont feed them. They have told her supposedly that theyre afraid to come to my house etc. When I brought this up to the boys, infront of their mom, they both admitted that they were lying and that I didnt really do those things WHICH I DONT and everyone knows this.
Im honestly fed the fuck up completely. After today I really dont want anything to do with her sons or her. Am I wrong?
She has two boys ages 7 and 5 and the youngest is 3. We have the most problems out of the boys right now and always have. Thats why I didnt mention her daughter, really not a whole lot going on with her.
I could not even get halfway through this stuff. You need to keep calling CPS and making claims. That is that... they will either take them or give her the help he needs. If she cannot take care of her kids then CPS will take them. If she is doing drugs they will take them.
I dont know I guess I wasnt clear enough or gave enough detail about the situation to CPS. All they did when they came out was make sure the kids had a place to sleep, check the fridge and cabinets for food and inquired about why her son had not been in school last year. He was with us until September and attended school with my son but once his mother took him back she never put him into school again.
Im going to make another call tonight after my mom gets home. Hopefully it will do some good this time but I dont place alot of faith in CPS anymore. An old family friend had 7 kids all of which were being sexually abused and physically abused and for ten years did nothing about it. Even after doctor reports and police reports. It wasnt until the oldest girl had her baby (at 16) and a paternity test was done showing it was her mothers boyfriends child (I dont know the whole story) that they removed the kids from her care.
Its kind of hard to do this on the down low because we are really terrified that she will run with the kids and something bad will happen.
I think it's definitely time to take full custody of those children, and kick ur sister out until she can control her "stomach flu" or whatever the hell she wants to call it. Ur oly enabling her by helping her, and there is tithing u can do for her but stop helping her. The kids on the other hand, need help. U and ur other have been doing wonderfully, and hopefully with custody of them u guys can get some financial help for those kids..
Please don't give up on them.. I know its hard.. But can u imagine what they would go through without u guys. The shit they've seen already is bad enough.. Good luck
My sister is also a relapsed addict... and yours isn't clean, I'm so sorry. If you want to talk feel free to message me.
and I think you need your space to take care of your own. Let your mom take care of her. You and that baby inside you don't need that stress. just stop talking to her. Once you realize that all you have to do is shut the door, or not open it at all it makes life SO much easier. See how she treats you when you're not around at all.
ps shes obviously still using.
Do you ever get hit on even looking a mess?
Why inflict this silly cosmetic pain on a baby!?!
- fusonjen
on Jun. 21, 2012 at 8:36 PM