Am I a horrible person?
- 36 Replies
I have 3 kids and I'm a SAHM. My DS4 has autism and he's nonverbal. He's an extremely difficult child, cries/screams a lot- never any tears- a lot like a temper tantrum. I really don't know why, neither does his teachers (he's in a 1:1 program for autistic children) or the doctors, it's perhaps a phase, according to them. He loves food, I mean loves it, so I usually feed him a snack or a small meal to calm him down, which works for the moment. Also, means most days he has 4 meals/7 snacks and I feel 7 snacks is far too many. He doesn't like to play, won't touch his toys, at school one of his programs is simply playing, and he won't. He won't play games with his sisters and I such as duck duck goose, musical chairs, tag, ring around the rosey, etc.
Anyway, he went back to school today for his 5 week summer program, and I am relieved. Not that I don't love him but it's a 6 hour break each day from his crying/screaming and I can actually get my errands done with my DD's and take them to the park/zoo/beach without him there throwing a fit. It's embarrassing in public, he looks normal, and at 4 he's too old for a temper tantrum. And people look at me like why can't I control my child? I hate telling people he's autistic, I'm not looking for sympathy or hearing I don't know how you do it etc. But if someone actually asks him why are you crying? I answer he's autistic and they ask him again why are you crying?!?! I then say he's nonverbal and they usually walk away or ask a million questions and give their opinion on how I should handle it- which to me is like someone without kids giving parenting advice.
Anyway, am I horrible for feeling this way?
I don't think that you are horrible. I am a teacher and the last few years I have had several autistic students in my room. My first year teaching I had 6 autistic students in my room. That was an eye opening experience to say the least. I love what I do but I often wonder how parents do it. Especially those with other children. I love my kids who are both typical and I need a break from time to time, so I don't judge anyone who needs a break from a special needs child.
Thanks I'll start reading labels and watch him a few weeks to see if there's any change in behavior. I don't think he's had an allergy test, he's had many tests, but as far as I know there's no known allergies. I'll check with the pedi and see if we need to run one.
Quoting Shaylyn318:Stop feeding him things with red 40 and see if there is an improvement in his behavior. Have you done an allergy test? Maybe he has some allergy or intolerance to a certain food. Some yogurt has red 40, read the ingredient labels. Red 40 is listed near the bottom.
Quoting Anonymous:I use to give him cookies or a small bag of chips. but lately due to him being in the 99th percentile for weight, it's been fruit or yogurt. How would I find out if any foods are causing this behavior? He already goes to a feeding center and they never said anything like that.
Quoting Shaylyn318:What snacks do you feed him? My DS can't have red 40, it makes him act out in a very bad way.
Quoting Anonymous:
They're working on him associating a picture with a word, so eventually he will hand me a picture of juice, to tell me he wants a glass of juice. I know they want to use this method for a few years, although we've had no success in 2 years, before they teach him to sign.
That's weird. If it has already been 2 years, when is enough going to be enough? When are they (or you) going to say, "this really isn't working and we need to try something else."? I know that it's difficult, but remember that, for now at least, you are your child's voice and advocate.
DH works full time and helps a lot on the weekends. My sister lives nearby and will help if there's an emergency and I have some friends I could call in an emergency as well. No one really offers to babysit, though.
Quoting weezer_cookie:
Do you have any family or friends to help? You sound overwhelmed. And understandably so.
I have two who are Autistic,one 17 the other 8-They still have temper tantrums because they have no impulse control.I'm use to them though and as long as they are not hurting anything I just ignore them and they get over it pretty quickly.Just ignore idiots on the street,they know nothing.
I agree with what you're saying. I don't feel this program is successful. We've already met for his IEP meeting for the fall. Do you think I could request another meeting to discuss this? That being said, they already know I question some of their methods, one is potty training. They say he isn't ready, but I've got him do number 1 in the potty not consistently, but he used it 5 times last week. I fought to get that in the IEP (just so that they'll sit him there and let him try) and the director was not pleased. I don't understand, really. If he's potty trained, isn't it easier for her staff?
Quoting Anonymous:Quoting Anonymous:
They're working on him associating a picture with a word, so eventually he will hand me a picture of juice, to tell me he wants a glass of juice. I know they want to use this method for a few years, although we've had no success in 2 years, before they teach him to sign.
That's weird. If it has already been 2 years, when is enough going to be enough? When are they (or you) going to say, "this really isn't working and we need to try something else."? I know that it's difficult, but remember that, for now at least, you are your child's voice and advocate.
Quoting Anonymous:
Quoting ms.sophsmom:
No you're not horrible... as for snacks... maybe a small piece of sugar free candy is better for each fit? If you're concerned for his weight or something from so much food.He's in the 99th percentile for weight, it is a concern of mine. I've been giving him yogurt and fruit lately which he eats most of time, has thrown it at me a few times too. He'd much rather have cookies and chips.
are you ok with another woman calling your husband "hun" or "babe"