To abort or not to abort? FINAL UPDATE 7-18
Posted by Anonymous
- 219 Replies
If you're going to come here to bash me, put me down or be nasty, you will simply be ignored. I'm asking for sincere, non-judgemental advice. If you aren't going to offer a respectful opinion, please hit the back button.
Here's my situation. I made a mistake..I already know that. I should have been more careful, but what's done is done. I was with my bf for 5.5 years, we have a 4 year old son together, and purchased a home last Aug. 5 months ago, I broke up with my bf and started dating another man. My bf and I had been having problems and I felt special with this new guy. This new guy is going through a divorce and has a 2 year old boy. Well, here I am, finding out I'm 6 weeks pregnant with his baby. I went to school for 2 years and this Sept I'm supposed to start my major, which was a very hard program to get into. A month ago, my ex bf (who I still live with technically and own the house with) started really showing me he wanted things to work. I found out July 3rd that I'm pregnant and I'm devastated. I would have to give up my schooling, stop working for awhile, I don't know how we would afford our house, when we are already on a tight budget, and I would have to deal with my current bf being in my life forever due to this baby. He and I are already having issues. He's very insecure and sensitive. My ex said he would accept the baby as his own, which shows how much he seriously wants us back together, but I know it kills him. He has never been do upset. He was crying, which is rare for him, and had to get up and drive off for awhile to cool down. I'm so torn. I hate abortion, and never thought I would be considering it. If I have this baby, I will be due right in the middle of clinicals, and would have to quit my job and I just don't even know how it would work. I'm afraid that if I do abort, I will regret it later on if things don't get worked out with my ex or work out with my current bf. I don't really think I want to be with my current bf either way though. My whole family is supportive of whatever I choose, but hope I have the baby. My aunt had an abortion and says she regrets it and is trying her hardest to talk me out of having one. I want straight forward opinions. What would you do?!?! Again, I know I screwed up. I don't need to be reminded.
Update: I went to PPH yesterday after work with my bff. I spoke with a counselor and she just explained my 3 options and answered a few questions for me. She didn't really help me make a decision one way or another. She stayed completely neutral. I have come to a few decisions. One, is that my ex and I are going to work things out and I plan to break things off with my bf. My ex and I have both realized we aren't through and needed time apart. I have also decided I'm not going to keep the baby, so I have to decide between abortion and adoption. One min, I feel set one one decision, and the next min, I'm set on the other. I'm finding it impossible to decide. I'm 6 weeks and 5 days today. I still have time for the abortion pill or aspiration abortion. In my heart, I want to do adoption, but I realized I would have to get my bf to agree to the adoption and if he won't, then I have to abort because I can't keep the baby. I'm afraid he will agree to it, and then I'll continue with the pregnancy and then he will change his mind when I'm too far along. I can't decide!!!
Update 7-13
I have finally decided on an abortion. I've decided that keeping the baby just is not an option no matter what. It just won't work financially, emotionally or time wise. Adoption was considered and I was originally leaning towards that more, but now that my bf is showing his true colors, I realize that isn't going to work. He's playing emotional games with me and I was just over there last night explaining to him why things aren't going to work out with us. He has slowly isolated me from my friends and family and doesn't even want me mentioning my bff's name and he's still in the middle of a divorce. He's overly sensitive and insanely insecure and I can't imagine going through the pregnancy and adoption process with him. I also don't trust he would stick to the adoption later on. A few moms said to just say I didn't know who the father was, but when I thought about it, I knew I just couldn't do that. Abortion is the only option I can see working. I want to hopefully work things out with my ex and have another baby or two with HIM and only him after I'm done with my radiology program. The father offered to pay for half of it. It's scheduled for Tue morning. If anyone wants to say a prayer for me, I would appreciate it. This is not something I ever imagined myself doing. I have a psychologist that will be helping me work through the emotions of all of this, and I will never allow myself to be in this position again.
7-17
I'm here waiting for my abortion. Had to be here at 8:30, and they still haven't done it yet. There are 9 other females here in the waiting area. One of them looks really young. I had to fill out paperwork, they took my urine and blood samples, weighed me, did an ultrasound, and now I'm waiting for the counselor to come get me and talk to me. After that, they will give me a pill to put under my tongue to dilate my cervix. After that pill is under my tongue, there's no turning back. I hate this. I regret putting myself in this position. I'm so nervous and feel 100 different emotions right now.
Final update-
Thank you for those who were supportive and helpful. I went though with it yesterday. I had to be there at 8:30am and they didn't actually fo it until 1:30, so I had a long time to sit and wait, which didn't make it any easier. The cramps last night were pretty bad. I don't feel regret, but I do feel sadness for having to do this, and wish I wouldn't have allowed myself to be in this position. This is something I will never allow to happen again. I'm on the Depo shot now and will remain on it until I'm READY for another baby. I broke things off with the father last week, he paid for half the abortion, and my ex and I are planning to take things slow, and hopefully work things out and be together again. I'm glad I won't have to have the father stuck in my life forever. If I would've had the baby, I would've had to have him in my life in some way. It cost $350, which seems like nothing compared to having to have a lifetime of dealing with having a baby with another man and working out shared custody for the next 18 years. I love the baby that I aborted, which may sound weird, but I felt was doing the best thing for that baby due to how my life is right now. Btw..this is a friend's CM profile I posted this on because I don't have one and SHE is the one who suggested I come to this group and get advice and support anonymously. Thanks again.
Here's my situation. I made a mistake..I already know that. I should have been more careful, but what's done is done. I was with my bf for 5.5 years, we have a 4 year old son together, and purchased a home last Aug. 5 months ago, I broke up with my bf and started dating another man. My bf and I had been having problems and I felt special with this new guy. This new guy is going through a divorce and has a 2 year old boy. Well, here I am, finding out I'm 6 weeks pregnant with his baby. I went to school for 2 years and this Sept I'm supposed to start my major, which was a very hard program to get into. A month ago, my ex bf (who I still live with technically and own the house with) started really showing me he wanted things to work. I found out July 3rd that I'm pregnant and I'm devastated. I would have to give up my schooling, stop working for awhile, I don't know how we would afford our house, when we are already on a tight budget, and I would have to deal with my current bf being in my life forever due to this baby. He and I are already having issues. He's very insecure and sensitive. My ex said he would accept the baby as his own, which shows how much he seriously wants us back together, but I know it kills him. He has never been do upset. He was crying, which is rare for him, and had to get up and drive off for awhile to cool down. I'm so torn. I hate abortion, and never thought I would be considering it. If I have this baby, I will be due right in the middle of clinicals, and would have to quit my job and I just don't even know how it would work. I'm afraid that if I do abort, I will regret it later on if things don't get worked out with my ex or work out with my current bf. I don't really think I want to be with my current bf either way though. My whole family is supportive of whatever I choose, but hope I have the baby. My aunt had an abortion and says she regrets it and is trying her hardest to talk me out of having one. I want straight forward opinions. What would you do?!?! Again, I know I screwed up. I don't need to be reminded.
Update: I went to PPH yesterday after work with my bff. I spoke with a counselor and she just explained my 3 options and answered a few questions for me. She didn't really help me make a decision one way or another. She stayed completely neutral. I have come to a few decisions. One, is that my ex and I are going to work things out and I plan to break things off with my bf. My ex and I have both realized we aren't through and needed time apart. I have also decided I'm not going to keep the baby, so I have to decide between abortion and adoption. One min, I feel set one one decision, and the next min, I'm set on the other. I'm finding it impossible to decide. I'm 6 weeks and 5 days today. I still have time for the abortion pill or aspiration abortion. In my heart, I want to do adoption, but I realized I would have to get my bf to agree to the adoption and if he won't, then I have to abort because I can't keep the baby. I'm afraid he will agree to it, and then I'll continue with the pregnancy and then he will change his mind when I'm too far along. I can't decide!!!
Update 7-13
I have finally decided on an abortion. I've decided that keeping the baby just is not an option no matter what. It just won't work financially, emotionally or time wise. Adoption was considered and I was originally leaning towards that more, but now that my bf is showing his true colors, I realize that isn't going to work. He's playing emotional games with me and I was just over there last night explaining to him why things aren't going to work out with us. He has slowly isolated me from my friends and family and doesn't even want me mentioning my bff's name and he's still in the middle of a divorce. He's overly sensitive and insanely insecure and I can't imagine going through the pregnancy and adoption process with him. I also don't trust he would stick to the adoption later on. A few moms said to just say I didn't know who the father was, but when I thought about it, I knew I just couldn't do that. Abortion is the only option I can see working. I want to hopefully work things out with my ex and have another baby or two with HIM and only him after I'm done with my radiology program. The father offered to pay for half of it. It's scheduled for Tue morning. If anyone wants to say a prayer for me, I would appreciate it. This is not something I ever imagined myself doing. I have a psychologist that will be helping me work through the emotions of all of this, and I will never allow myself to be in this position again.
7-17
I'm here waiting for my abortion. Had to be here at 8:30, and they still haven't done it yet. There are 9 other females here in the waiting area. One of them looks really young. I had to fill out paperwork, they took my urine and blood samples, weighed me, did an ultrasound, and now I'm waiting for the counselor to come get me and talk to me. After that, they will give me a pill to put under my tongue to dilate my cervix. After that pill is under my tongue, there's no turning back. I hate this. I regret putting myself in this position. I'm so nervous and feel 100 different emotions right now.
Final update-
Thank you for those who were supportive and helpful. I went though with it yesterday. I had to be there at 8:30am and they didn't actually fo it until 1:30, so I had a long time to sit and wait, which didn't make it any easier. The cramps last night were pretty bad. I don't feel regret, but I do feel sadness for having to do this, and wish I wouldn't have allowed myself to be in this position. This is something I will never allow to happen again. I'm on the Depo shot now and will remain on it until I'm READY for another baby. I broke things off with the father last week, he paid for half the abortion, and my ex and I are planning to take things slow, and hopefully work things out and be together again. I'm glad I won't have to have the father stuck in my life forever. If I would've had the baby, I would've had to have him in my life in some way. It cost $350, which seems like nothing compared to having to have a lifetime of dealing with having a baby with another man and working out shared custody for the next 18 years. I love the baby that I aborted, which may sound weird, but I felt was doing the best thing for that baby due to how my life is right now. Btw..this is a friend's CM profile I posted this on because I don't have one and SHE is the one who suggested I come to this group and get advice and support anonymously. Thanks again.
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 9, 2012 at 4:13 PM
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by Anonymous
on Jul. 9, 2012 at 4:16 PM
Honestly this is a decision only you can make for yourself. If it were me I would first decide how much I wanted the relationship with my live in bf to work. If I wanted to fix that I would abort and focus on him my son and school. Start fresh type thing. I hope you make the best decision possible.
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by
on Jul. 9, 2012 at 4:16 PM
Do what you feel is the right thing to do for you and your family. No one here can tell youn what the right thing to do is.
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by
on Jul. 9, 2012 at 4:17 PM
1 mom liked this
Your only human. have you ever thought about giving the baby up for adoption? I have never been in your situation but I hope you find the right choice for you.
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by Anonymous - Original Poster
on Jul. 9, 2012 at 4:19 PM
Just to make sure I didn't confuse anyone, the one I live with is my ex and the father of my son. I'm pregnant with the other guy I've been seeing.
Quoting Anonymous:
Honestly this is a decision only you can make for yourself. If it were me I would first decide how much I wanted the relationship with my live in bf to work. If I wanted to fix that I would abort and focus on him my son and school. Start fresh type thing. I hope you make the best decision possible.
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by Anonymous - Original Poster
on Jul. 9, 2012 at 4:20 PM
Yes, I thought about it and I can't do it. As hard as an abortion would be, adoption would be impossible for me.
Quoting lisagibson:
Your only human. have you ever thought about giving the baby up for adoption? I have never been in your situation but I hope you find the right choice for you.
by
Triple Threat
on Jul. 9, 2012 at 4:21 PM
I wouldn't have one. But that's me.
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by
ZombieMegg
on Jul. 9, 2012 at 4:21 PM
4 moms liked this
If it were me I'd keep it. But I believe everything happens for a reason especially since its hard for me to concieve.
But your decision.
But your decision.
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by Anonymous
on Jul. 9, 2012 at 4:22 PM
I understand that. You said he was really showing a change and being supportive. If I wanted to work things out with my sons father I would abort. Who do you want to be with the new man or the father of your child?
Quoting Anonymous:
Just to make sure I didn't confuse anyone, the one I live with is my ex and the father of my son. I'm pregnant with the other guy I've been seeing.
Quoting Anonymous:
Honestly this is a decision only you can make for yourself. If it were me I would first decide how much I wanted the relationship with my live in bf to work. If I wanted to fix that I would abort and focus on him my son and school. Start fresh type thing. I hope you make the best decision possible.
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Do you ever get hit on even looking a mess?
Why inflict this silly cosmetic pain on a baby!?!