Is my marriage worth saving?
- 83 Replies
Sorry, this will be long...
A little backstory.. DH was my first "real" boyfriend. We started dating in high school, I was almost 15 and DH was 16. A month after we got together, he moved back up to his hometown (6 hours away), but we decided to keep dating. We dated long distance for 2 years. Turns out, he cheated on me for an entire year before he moved back to where I was. He also said he quit smoking, that was also a lie and he didn't fully quit until about 6 months after he moved back to me (he KNOWS I can't stand smoking.. and even though it wasn't a make or break it deal, it was the LYING that bothered me).
Anyway, I didn't find out about his cheating (for sure; I always had an idea that he was cheating on me) until we were already married and I was super pregnant (due any day). I forgave him.. afterall, it had been 2 years that we were married and he was faithful. But in the back of my mind, there will always be some kind of concern that he'll do it again.
Life went on.... 8 years (after I found out)--we've been together for 12 years now, married for 8 and 4 kids later, I'm constantly questioning whether or not I should leave. He's not ever physically abusive (however, sometimes he can be borderline emotionally abusive) and he takes care of us financially. But that is all. If I were to have to give myself a title, it'd be SAHM Whore (for DH.. I'm not out banging a bunch of guys... lol). Because I literally do everything for the household needs (including mowing the lawn, taking out the trash, etc. all the "man" chores..).. I don't really mind this because, well.. it's kind of my job.... BUT *IF* I ask him for some help, he blows it off and never does it OR complains. And he's ALWAYS hounding me for sex (literally every other conversation is about sex.. I'm not exaggerating). I just had a baby 8 months ago and my libido still isn't back, so I never want it.. therefore, I just cave and give him a BJ to shut him up.
Now, on top of this, he is NOT a gentleman at all. He is loud, rude, flirts with girls (even ones he works with) and then when he's with/around his guy friends, it brings out the asshole in him (being a pig basically, not showing any restraint.. just to pull off this persona that he's mimicking from the SINGLE guys he hangs out with). When I call him out on all this, he just apologizes and says "that's just how I am.." As far as flirting with girls at work, I told him how risky that can be... one wrong move and you're slapped with sexual harrassment. He just scoffs and says "but everyone does it, even the supervisors." I told him it only takes one new person to witness this or one pissed off jealous person and you're screwed. He said, "i see your point, but it's how I am... I can't just change right away. I can't promise you that I will change."
So, in conclusion problems with DH:
--underlying legit trust issues
--flirting with girls (at work and off work)
--no help at home with housework or the kids (he's very uninvolved with them.... has never even given a bath and has changed maybe 20 diapers in the entire time we've had kids)
--very temperamental (he has the worst temper and yells over the stupidest things.. including video games)
--he has no filter (just says whatever he's thinking, then and there.. not matter how rude or unprofessional)
--wants sex ALL.THE.TIME.
--acts like an even bigger pig when he's with guy friends.
DH's schedule:
go to work (8-12 hours), ver easy, laid-back job
comes home, eats sleeps, showers, eats, plays video games, repeat.
days off.. plays video games or goes fishing (w/o the kids and I)..
once a week, we go to the waterpark for family time.. that's about the only family time we get.
Would you try to save this marriage?
I love him.... I just can't say that I'm IN love with him.
Quoting CrazyLife1996:
The one thing that is missing and truly feel is the most important.
Through your entire post you never said "I love him ". If you can't say it then your marriage is probably over.
If you can say you love him then I would try.
In the end it is your decision.
If you are not in love with him then I would leave.
Quoting Anonymous:I love him.... I just can't say that I'm IN love with him.
Quoting CrazyLife1996:
The one thing that is missing and truly feel is the most important.
Through your entire post you never said "I love him ". If you can't say it then your marriage is probably over.
If you can say you love him then I would try.
In the end it is your decision.
Honestly....I'd be packing my bags. But thats just me. I have a strict no B.S. policy these days. Went through it all with my ex...luckily I found my knight in dusty wranglers now. Good luck! And DONT just stick around and force it to work for the kids. Being in an unhealthy marriage is doing more harm than good for them, I PROMISE!
At what age should I tell my son dh is not his bio dad?
Be honest -- Did you dump the crap out of your kid's disposable diaper??