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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

maybe its time to leave?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

been with BF for almost 4 years. we've seen good times and bad times. i have a 6 year old, who likes/loves him. often calls him dad, even though he knows he's not, and he knows of his real dad.

but lately... the emotions arent there for me. dont get me wrong- i love him SO MUCH and i wanted us to work... but i dont see how its possible- and its breaking my heart.

he's not financially stable. he hasnt had a job in a while and b/c of that, i'm losing out on money... he has one of my credit cards so he can get things with it... he took the last $17 out of my wallet (i'm guessing for food?)... my credit card is set up with his XBOX live account- charged every month for the monthly fee and if he ever wants to add on points, to buy games, movies, etc...

he has a job he's starting in 2 weeks... but i feel like i'm done with this relationship. is that bad?

he's helped me with my child- taken him when i wasnt able to care for him, plays with him, teaches him, entertains him, reads with him, etc... all the things that a 'dad' does... he helps me cook meals- or cooks them himself if i dont want to (i am a sucky cooker)... he takes the trash out, he tries to be the man that i need.. he's 26 years old and hasnt started college yet (he's been wanting to start since we met in mid-2008). and right now, technically, he's homeless- he's staying with me, but he's not supposed to be.

idk if i can just break up with him either. i work for his mom- at his mom's house. i'd have to quit that job before i end the relationship, right? =(

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 10, 2012 at 5:47 PM
Replies (11-16):
Kodysmommy928
by Platinum Member on Jul. 10, 2012 at 6:02 PM

 It sounds like you are upset with him due to the circumstances.  My suggestion would be to give it a month.  If you are still unhappy then make arrangements to leave.  Good luck!

Quoting Anonymous:

i have... and he's been trying to get jobs since he got laid off months ago. so its not lack of trying. he goes to at least 3 interviews a week, sends in his resume at least 3-4 times a day, he's with 3 temp companies, he's gone to the 'work today' building-- where you work today and get paid that day... but with the economy, they are only hiring the first 3-5 people who come. 

he says that it'll get better, that we'll go out for date nights, etc- just as soon as he's bringing in some money. i honestly dont care about the date nights- i dont think its the intamicy lacking in the relationship- its the want of being in the relationship itself, from my stand.

i'm trying to support him, trying to help him... but when i'm on my last dollar, i think- that full tank of gas could have lasted me til friday- but instead, he drove 2 hrs today for the interview.... instead of having the money to go to the grocery store, he spent it on one meal at a fast food joint.

i'm slowly beginning to resent him and idk what to do to stop it. i dont wnat to begin hating him. i do love him, he's my best friend and whoever he ends up with- whether its me or someone else- is a really lucky female. but right now, the resentment is starting to creep up

Quoting Kodysmommy928:

Have you spoken to him about how you are feeling?


 

kiddycat73
by Gold Member on Jul. 10, 2012 at 6:10 PM
I would wait to see how this job goes. If you love him and your son loves him, I think it's worth giving him a chance. 2 years ago I was in the exact same position as you. I could have written this post as a matter of fact, except for the fact that my DH (then boyfriend) was super depressed about not having a job and felt like total shit that I was supporting him. He looked for work constantly, steadily for 18 months before he finally found a job. Even though it doesn't pay that great ($10 an hour), it totally changed his attitude, and he went back to being the man I fell in love with, and we are doing better than ever...we actually just got married on 6/15. I am still the main income earner in the family, and maybe always will be because I'm a nurse and he's a cook, but that may change in the next few years because due to people that he met at his job, he and a partner just signed the contract today and are opening their own restaurant. I'm so happy that I stuck by him when times were tough because things are awesome now and I wouldn't trade our life for anything!! Good luck with whatever decision you make!!
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 10, 2012 at 6:11 PM

bump

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 10, 2012 at 8:24 PM

this is what i hope it turns out to be like... but i'm scared that, through the process, i'm going to start to hate/resent him. =( how did you handle supporting him, if you were barely able to support yourself? 

Quoting kiddycat73:

I would wait to see how this job goes. If you love him and your son loves him, I think it's worth giving him a chance. 2 years ago I was in the exact same position as you. I could have written this post as a matter of fact, except for the fact that my DH (then boyfriend) was super depressed about not having a job and felt like total shit that I was supporting him. He looked for work constantly, steadily for 18 months before he finally found a job. Even though it doesn't pay that great ($10 an hour), it totally changed his attitude, and he went back to being the man I fell in love with, and we are doing better than ever...we actually just got married on 6/15. I am still the main income earner in the family, and maybe always will be because I'm a nurse and he's a cook, but that may change in the next few years because due to people that he met at his job, he and a partner just signed the contract today and are opening their own restaurant. I'm so happy that I stuck by him when times were tough because things are awesome now and I wouldn't trade our life for anything!! Good luck with whatever decision you make!!


kiddycat73
by Gold Member on Jul. 10, 2012 at 9:50 PM
It really helped that due to my job (I work 5am-6pm 4-5 days a week) he totally stepped in to be the one to take them to school, pick them up, (they go to private school, so there is no bus),he also became very involved in their school when I couldn't, he coaches my girls in soccer...I could go on and on about how he has totally taken on the role of "dad" to my kids. During the 18 months that he was unemployed, the amount of $$ that I saved in childcare was well worth it...and the fact that my kids had someone else to love them and be a father figure to them when their own dad failed to do so is priceless to me. We used to joke that his job title was "Pre teen social director". I know he hated being unemployed, and I hated how worthless he felt, but idk how I would have done it without him during that time. I would have had to work that much to support my kids whether he was there or not...and I still do...the fact that he WAS and IS there to help me is worth more than $$ to me.


Quoting Anonymous:

this is what i hope it turns out to be like... but i'm scared that, through the process, i'm going to start to hate/resent him. =( how did you handle supporting him, if you were barely able to support yourself? 

Quoting kiddycat73:

I would wait to see how this job goes. If you love him and your son loves him, I think it's worth giving him a chance. 2 years ago I was in the exact same position as you. I could have written this post as a matter of fact, except for the fact that my DH (then boyfriend) was super depressed about not having a job and felt like total shit that I was supporting him. He looked for work constantly, steadily for 18 months before he finally found a job. Even though it doesn't pay that great ($10 an hour), it totally changed his attitude, and he went back to being the man I fell in love with, and we are doing better than ever...we actually just got married on 6/15. I am still the main income earner in the family, and maybe always will be because I'm a nurse and he's a cook, but that may change in the next few years because due to people that he met at his job, he and a partner just signed the contract today and are opening their own restaurant. I'm so happy that I stuck by him when times were tough because things are awesome now and I wouldn't trade our life for anything!! Good luck with whatever decision you make!!



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RyansMom6204
by Bronze Member on Jul. 10, 2012 at 10:03 PM
I am so sorry you are going through this. I am here for you. Anytime you need or want to talk message me. Hugs
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