See what CafeMoms are saying about saving time this holiday season..
DH and I got married rather quickly (3 months after we stared dating) and had a baby soon after got pregnant and had our first child, a little girl. Then our son came along a year later.
we have been married blissfully for 4 years now but I think he is and has been hiding something from me. (someone asked. Our 5 year aniversary is coming up in a little over a month. August 25th.)
I used his phone yesterday (not going through it or anything, just didn't have mine with me)
one of his contacts is his old girlfriend and she had recently called him, yes, that irkd me but that's not the part that I was upset by.
the contact ID for her was her and a little girl, maybe 3 or 4 and she HAS RED HAIR just like my husband.(it's not JUST the hair, she looks a lot like my DD, my husband's spitting image.)
Should I confront him? we've never hidden anything from eachother. WFT??
Ok...so I was facebook creeping the ex and I found this pic in an album of her daughter. This is my husband....after we were married (check the wedding band)
I am choosing to remove the photo I had posted. It was a picture of my husband holding and feeding B a bottle when she was 5 months old. It is quoted in some replies if you are willing to dig.
I'm so hurt. How do I even go about bringing this up to ask him about it?
I taked to DH after he got off of work last night and I found out that the little girl IS his....and 2 months younger than our DD. HE's even given "B" our daughter's hand-me-downs. He's been trying to be involved in her life but the face that he lied AND cheated.
I asked him to leave the house and stay anywhere else for right now and I'm trying to think of what to do with our children.
I do love my husband, well, I think i still do but I don't know if we're goig to be able to work this out. He tried to explain that it was just a one night stand during the first part of our marriage after a big fight and for a long time he didn't believe she was his but HOW DID HE NOT TELL ME for 4 years?
what do I tell my kids? do I let them know they have a sister? should they meet (much later on)
and, because of this lie, is this marriage totally over? there's no saving anything we had...is there. I'm so confused and hurt. I am angry but I'm not sure what the next step should be.
UPDATE 3 (probably final update, I'm not sure.)
It's been a few days and, thankfully DH has been respectful enough to give me some space. He missed the kids so he picked them up this afternoon and had them today. I wanted to take about this and I was a lot more calm then I thought I would be. He had dinner with us and, after i put the kids to be, we had a long talk.
well, he talked, i listened. I just wanted to know.
he said that there was a lot going on at the time he cheated. I had just found out I was pregnant, we were newlyweds struggleing and he was young and stupid (DUH!) and after a really big fight (i do remember this fight actually) he lost his temper and went to his ex's. he said it was honestl just a one night stand (i believe him) but they did not use protection (that bothers me...but they didn't use it before we got together either because she was on the pill)
He did go to her mother's house when B was a few months old (one time, the day the pic was taken) with several other old friends to meet the baby but knew nothing of her paturnity. (I would have been pregnant with DS by this point)
He never heard anything else from her (the ex) for a few years until B was just over 2 and she sent DH a message that said "you may have another child, she would like to meet you if you're willing. I'm not asking anything from you or your wife, we're doing fine on our own and you are not on the birth certificate." (well, this is pretty much what it said, not word for word)
he did meet her again and they did a DNA test, yes, he IS the dad.
HE hasn't been paying CS per se' but he does try to help when he can. B calles him Uncle, not daddy and doesn't know that he is her father.
He didn't tell me because at first he didn't know there was even a possiablility then he wasn't for sure that she was his.
by the point all was said and done B was 2 and half and he didn't know how to say "oh, by the way honey, I have another child"
so it was never talked about and time just kept going on.
he said he's actually relieved that I found out.
I am meeting B and her mom Saturday. DH is still not staying here at the moment.
we will be seeking prefessional help for all of us, adults first then we'll bring the kids in. it's just going to have to be taken a day at the time I guess.
If you've hung in with me this long, thank you.
I met B and her mom, she's a sweet girl and I just can't get over how much she is like my daughter. The kids (All 3 of them) myself and b's mom went to the park today for a play date. They don't know they're siblings yet but DD is in love with B and wants her to have a sleep over....
the respective grand parents have the children tonight and the 3 of us, DH, B's mom and I set down and had a long discussion.
I honestly don't know where things will go with DH and I from here but we have agreed that over the next few months we will try to explain to the kids they are sibs. At least they;re young now, later on it will probably be harder. (heck, we found out that DD and B are going to be in the same prek class this august so it would have happened soon enough)
All we can do is take life one day at a time.
Thank you for reading and god bless.