Yesterday my husband was mad at me because "I didn't give him a kiss before I went to sleep" um I was still awake when he rolled over and went to sleep (and he didn't kiss me goodnight) AND HE'S MAD AT ME BECAUSE I DIDN'T KISS HIM BEFORE I WENT TO BED!!! REALLY!!!
Also yesterday my mother told me she thinks I need to go on an anti-depresent. WTF really thanks mom I didn't realize you thought I was that messed up (I have nothing against someone taking them if they really need them I did at one point for my PPD so I'm not criticizing anyone who does take them)
Yes, I do have my occasional down days and until I find a way to deal with the anger issues between my husband and I that contribute to those feeling they're not going to go away! I respected his choice to not have any more children and go get his little vasectomy even though he knew how I felt about it. HOW I'VE ALWAYS FELT ABOUT IT from the beginning of our relationship which he always said he understood. The fact of having or not having more kids is NOT the issue here it's that such a major decision was made and we were both NOT on the same page with it. Being married this is a huge issue and we should have worked together till we could reach an agreement that worked for both of us. There were other options to choose to not have children then a permanent one. His only reasoning for why he had to do a vasectomy was because "he couldn't handle another child" I'm responsible for 94% of their care most of the week. It wasn't anything to do with money or anything like that and obviously he wasn't that opposed to having another child if he was willing to have unprotected sex with me up until he got the vasectomy and even after (since you have to have so many ejaculations before it become effective) so I don't think at least DISUSSING it a little further before he did it would have hurt.
He got his choice now I have to deal with and process how his decision made me feel. Most days I'm fine and we're fine and things are normal but I do have days (usually about 3-5 days every month and no it's not centered around my MP lol) and on the days I do feel like that I no desire to feel physically close with my husband and of course he just doesn't understand that. I guess I should just pretend everything is ok and be the "good" wife and make him happy meet his needs whenever he so chooses blah blah blah but that's just not gonna happen. He should be a little bit more understanding that a major thing changed in my life and I have to process it and just let me do it when I need to and understand I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT WITH HIM ANYMORE because no amount of talking is going to change what's already been done and talking about it with him doesn't 'make me feel better it makes it worse ugh
I'm sure this makes no sense to some but I just had to get out what I'm feeling somehow so feel free to ignore