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I need to vent. I don't mind critsism or advice, just keep it clean. LONG

Posted by on Jul. 13, 2012 at 11:28 PM
  • 21 Replies

I'm a young mom, 20 years old. I had my son six months ago and I very much enjoy my son. I am still with my baby's dad. We've been together for three years and known each other for 7 years.

Two years ago my boyfriends mom was killed on her motorcycle. So since then my boyfriend has been fighting for custody of his little brother who is now 11. They have different dads and his little brother's dad, who lives in South Korea, has never wanted anything to do with him.

My boyfriend and his little brother were raised very very differently. His little brother was given anything he asked for because by that time their mom did not have time to teach him that he can't have whatever he wants, when he wants it. SO his little brother doesn't know how to control his emotions. He flips out at EVERYTHING. Cleaning his room, he screams and cries about why we hate him so much and are so cruel to him. He constantly lies about everything, not just I'm a kid I'm gonna tell little white lies sometimes a bit more lies, but ALL THE TIME EVERYTHING. Then FLIPS when you catch him asking why you don't trust him, you hate him, blah blah blah.

His father was diagnosed as clinically insane years ago, but not too insane where he had to be in an institution obviously. But his little brother.. Always has this look in his eyes when he just stares and watches you.. And a lot of the time when he's sitting in the family room with us he sits there and just stares at Dakota, my son, with this really weird look.

He snaps so often and so severe.. That I'm worried he will one day snap on Dakota if we're not looking. 

I told my boyfriend today, if his little brother were to ever do anything to Dakota that would be the only time I would ever give him an ultimatum. His son and I or his little brother. He said, "Then I'd have to say see yah." to me.

Would I be wrong to give him an ultimatum if his little brother hurt my son?? I don't think I would be.. It's my son, who doesn't need to be hurt or deserve it, and a young man, who needs help but can't be around a little baby.

This is the only issue I have ever had with my boyfriend. I don't really understand why he would choose his little brother over his son and I, but at the same time I can. It would be a difficult  descion for him. But him and his little brother have other family too, like their uncle Sean. 

...I'm kind of upset that he would let his son leave living with him after his little brother hurt him.

This is all hypothetical and my worries, but my worries are very real because it's happened before with my boyfriend and I.

My posts are like a resturant, you're free to go somewhere else.

by on Jul. 13, 2012 at 11:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
areyouatroll
by on Jul. 13, 2012 at 11:33 PM
I think you are completely right.

Honestly, I wouldn't give that boy the chance to hurt my son. if I felt it could happen, I would give an ultimatum NOW.

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Maks1mommy
by Ruby Member on Jul. 13, 2012 at 11:35 PM
Yeahhhh I'd give him the option. Now.
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Christygrl
by on Jul. 13, 2012 at 11:36 PM

I don't want to give him an ultimatum now because so far his little brother has been nice to Dakota and his little brother's actions are the only stresses and flaw in our relationship. Everything else is litterally perfect.

Quoting areyouatroll:

I think you are completely right.

Honestly, I wouldn't give that boy the chance to hurt my son. if I felt it could happen, I would give an ultimatum NOW.


My posts are like a resturant, you're free to go somewhere else.

Rose87
by Ruby Member on Jul. 13, 2012 at 11:37 PM
I understand your point and his.
As the mom, your job is to protect your child. For your bf, his job is his son but also his brother.

I was in your shoes w/ my exh and I left because his dd was violent towards my ds and dd... he refused to get her help and would spoil/baby her. I refused to risk my kids for his child. I didn't bother with an ultimatum. I just packed up and left. He knew why.
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Refurbished
by on Jul. 13, 2012 at 11:38 PM

Some of his acting out could be PTSD, depression, or reactive attachment disorder, all very normal reactions to losing your primary caregiver.  He needs therapy with a trained therapist. 

cherryohcherry
by on Jul. 13, 2012 at 11:39 PM

"I told my boyfriend today, if his little brother were to ever do anything to Dakota that would be the only time I would ever give him an ultimatum. His son and I or his little brother. He said, "Then I'd have to say see yah." to me."

I'd say see yah to my douchebag boyfriend. What type of father says this?

On another note, have you looked into counseling?


katibug88
by on Jul. 13, 2012 at 11:39 PM

 I think you need to get him into some counseling and maybe have a mental evaluation done. It sounds like he may be bipolar. Alot of these issues could be controlled with therapy and some meds!

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Christygrl
by on Jul. 13, 2012 at 11:41 PM

In my case my boyfriend doesn't baby him or anything. We are very realistic with him. But he just doesn't change no matter how nice or hard we are. My boyfriend gets instantly stressed and upset when his brother walks through the door. 

I think if anything were to happen I would give an ultimatum more like keep your son and I with you and send Win to another family member or I'll have to move out and you can see Dakota when your brother is nowhere in sight. Then leave if he won't send Win with another family member.

Quoting Rose87:

I understand your point and his.
As the mom, your job is to protect your child. For your bf, his job is his son but also his brother.

I was in your shoes w/ my exh and I left because his dd was violent towards my ds and dd... he refused to get her help and would spoil/baby her. I refused to risk my kids for his child. I didn't bother with an ultimatum. I just packed up and left. He knew why.


My posts are like a resturant, you're free to go somewhere else.

Christygrl
by on Jul. 13, 2012 at 11:44 PM

We've signed him up for therapy starting in September. But evertime we've brought up that he's going to go express his feelings to someone he starts screaming (again) that he doesn't want to go talk to someone and won't talk to them when he's there.

Quoting cherryohcherry:

"I told my boyfriend today, if his little brother were to ever do anything to Dakota that would be the only time I would ever give him an ultimatum. His son and I or his little brother. He said, "Then I'd have to say see yah." to me."

I'd say see yah to my douchebag boyfriend. What type of father says this?

On another note, have you looked into counseling?


My posts are like a resturant, you're free to go somewhere else.

OneToughMami
by Ruby Member on Jul. 13, 2012 at 11:47 PM

His little brother has been through a lot. I think he might need therapy of some sort. Probably grief counseling. Get him AND you BF to go! They may both need it more than you know.

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