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new father....

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
How was your SO when you had your first child together?

I was a single mother to my first child. Her father died while I was pregnant so a father was never present during that time. And 4 years later here I am with a newborn baby boy and dad has been around. Our son is now 3 weeks old, hasn't really caught on yet. He works at home, and has witness the routine I have going on. Im breastfeeding and have pumped to allow him to feed. I don't want him feeling left out, but last night, I would have figured "father instincts" would kick in but they haven't. Our son is in our room in a bassinet and he never heard him cry. I was so exhausted and didn't want to get up and I had already pumped a bottle before bed so he could get up and feed him and I was like can you get him, he said yep sure, rolled over and went back to sleep. :( I'm like really? I nudge him and he was like yeah I will in a second.

A few days ago, he got pissed off because he fell asleep with the baby in his arms and I took him and put him in his crib. I'm like dude you roll in your sleep and if you rolled on him you would never know. He was like well you do it. I'm like well no shit, but I don't roll either and this definitely isn't my first rodeo with a baby.

I've watched my siblings as new parents and they have caught on so quickly, what's up with my SO? should I take him to the library and get him some books. I tried telling him I can't really teach him things, only things like how to feed from a bottle, burp, change a diaper. (For a newborn) I'm like the older he gets you will get the hand of it
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 15, 2012 at 8:41 AM
Replies (11-14):
Wyldbutterfly
by Bronze Member on Jul. 15, 2012 at 9:09 AM

It takes time. My DH wouldn't hold her because he was afraid he would break her. He got over it eventually and was a whiz within a couple of months. He'd get up to feed her, change her etc. It's his first rodeo using your terms, give him time.

KrissyKC
by Platinum Member on Jul. 15, 2012 at 9:17 AM

I don't know, I get what she's saying.   I mean, I want my DH to share some of the responsibilities with me, too, and I will get ticked if he says, "I'll ge him, sure, just a minute." and then goes back to sleep, too.    I'd also be ticked if I went to shower and he was being lazy (playing a game, or watching TV) and my 4 yr old was tending to the baby because he wasn't.

We aren't talking about ability here... we are talking about a desire and willingness.

And I DID go off on my husband recently.   Our most recent is almost 4 weeks old, and the first week we brought him home, I was still pretty much doing everything even though Dad was off.  The most help I got from him was to refill my icewater when I was nursing.  

nyway, the second or third night we came home, I was exhausted.   Baby was full, but cranky, so DH took a turn patting him and giving him a binky.   He put him back to sleep.   Next morning, I wake up to find baby screaming under a blanket.   He was swaddled in one blanket and another thick (winterlike) blanket had been pulled up over his head.   He was sweating and his crying was muffled.   He could have suffocated!!

Anyway, i DID go off on DH pretty bad.  I freaked.   I'm a christian woman, and I lost it completely, cussing and snapping at him.  We argued for a while and finally I asked....   "Would you rather I be yelling at your for this stupid mistake or would you rather be burying your son right now?"   Shut him up fast and I told him, "Grow up, you are a better Dad than that.  This is your fourth freaking kid."

(His excuse was he was tired and it was dark and he didn't realize he had covered the baby's head.)


my2boysandgirl
by Bronze Member on Jul. 15, 2012 at 9:31 AM

You said that you pumped so he could feed the baby in the middle of the night. Some people are just better with older kids than babies. Make sure that you are giving him credit for what he does. Maybe see him taking care of the 4 year old as helping as well. When my kids were little DH didn't do all the diapers and feeding stuff but he held them and as they got older played with them. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Well like I said I pump so he can feed him, he is a newborn so there isn't much help needed except a feeding or a burp or a diaper change if I want to have a break but he hasn't even caught on to that.

I imagined it be harder for him popping in a relationship with a 4 year old and the newborn would be a breeze but yeah wrong. My daughter has even showed him how to care for the baby. LOL


Quoting my2boysandgirl:

Have you asked him to help during the day? Some people have a hard time waking up. DH doesn't wake up easily or go back to sleep so he never got up with the kids at night. Make sure that you aren't tellinghim that you know more than he does because you are a woman or have another child. Guiding him is more kind and allowing him to do somethings his way gives him some freedom to be a parent. Basically you need to make sure you aren't treating him like a child when it comes to taking care of the baby.



Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jul. 15, 2012 at 9:34 AM
My husband too! He's wonderful when he's AWAKE. I'm convinced he could sleep thru sex. 😳


Quoting AutymsMommy:

Why do you assume he "hasn't caught on"?

My husband is a wonderful father to our three children, but he DOES NOT WAKE UP. Period. For anything. Our house could be burning down or the zombie apocalypse happening outside the front door, and he would snore right through it. Love him anyway :)


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