My step son has been arrested for the statutory rape of my daughter Added poll UPDATE/ UPDATE AGAIN ONE FINAL UPDATE on page 177

[Anonymous]

He is 18, almost 19 and she is 14. I came home yesterday after dropping my 10 year old at a friend's house and getting groceries. I was supposed to pick DD up from her friend's home after I got the groceries but there was a misunderstanding and her friend's parents brought daughter home instead. Since step son is still in high school, about to start senior year, he still visits every other weekend. Anyways, I get home and even though step son and my daughter are both home, no one is downstairs.

I went upstairs to ask them to help unload the groceries and they are in my daughter's bed going at it.  I started screaming, no, I did not handle it well but this is my 14 year old and my step son who has been my step son since he was 12,  I think I can be forgiven for loosing my cool. He starts yelling at me to shut up and I told him to get out of my house. He told me to fuck off and went to "his" room. I tried calling dh who was at work, he couldn't answer. I go tell my step son to get out, again, and he threw "his" (really my) lamp at me and told me he was going to kill me. I called the cops because he wouldn't leave and he was threatening me and already threw a lamp at me.

The cops get here and I explain everything, they arrested him for assault and for statutory rape. I really wasn't thinking about the fact that he would get arrested for statutory rape, I was in so much shock but I can't say that I don't think he deserves it.

My DH gets home and already knows about his son being arrested and he gets mad at me!!! He was about to bail him out of jail, I told him that if he did, don't come back home because I will divorce him. We keep our money separate so if he has the money, he can do it but he won't be coming back to my home. I told him he is going to have to make a choice, he can either help his son get an attorney and everything or he can be with me but I am not going to be him if he thinks it's ok or that his son deserves his help after doing this. Also, clearly, his son will never be allowed in our home around either of my girls since he has no problem having sex with children.

Now of course, my daughter is suffering the consequences too I know that she is not completely innocent. But since she is legally a child, her consequences will be much less severe. She is grounded for the rest of the summer, 8 weeks, no TV, computer or cell phone, and even after she is done being grounded, she won't be able to go anywhere without me until I can trust her. My DH thinks that is not enough since chances are, his son will do jail time. Well, my DD didn't break the law, his son did.

I know there will be some on here who think I am the worst step mom ever but if it was your daughter, can you really tell me you wouldn't do the same?

Many of you have expressed the opinion that DD's punishment wasn't harsh enough. Honestly I do agree but I thought I was giving her the most I could give her (not letting her do anything, taking away her computer, cell phone and tv) BUT then nsaneygolover (gotta give credit) suggested that I have her volunteer somewhere instead of letting her sit on her but. I think that is a GREAT idea so I have called a thrift store that supports an abused women's shelter and they said they can use her 3 days a week for 6 hours each day. Then she is going to my sister's house (with my sister there) 2 days a week all day to help her take care of her twin 18 month olds so that she can see what it's like taking care of a child. This is not to punish her for whatever happens to her step brother, that is his fault and he will get whatever punishment he gets. I don't think it was her job to think about the fact that he could get in legal trouble for that, that was on him and he clearly didn't.  But I am punishing her for having sex. While she isn't old enough to fully understand the situation, she is old enough to understand that she shouldn't be having sex. She is also going to the OBGYN. She says that she has never has sex with anyone else. I believe her. Honestly, I check her facebook, I know who she calls on the phone, I know her friend's parents so I believe there hasn't been anyone else. DD is also going to be in counseling 2 times a week to help her understand that while whatever punishment her step brother gets is not on her, she was wrong for having sex at her age.

Upon further reflection, I told DH I would be ok with him helping his son IF he can do so and still pay his share of the bills. However, his son will NEVER (or at least not until both of my girls are over 18) come to our home or be around our family again. We talked about everything and I told him that while I am ok with him helping his son, I will not apologize for calling the police

So DH just found out that since SS admitted to having sex with DD, there will be no trial (which I thought would be the case since we knew he had already signed a written confession). SS will have a sentencing for statutory rape though I did drop the assault charges. The attorney says that he will probably do some jail time. More then likely, he will only have to register as a sexual predator for 7 years. DH and I talked about everything, I asked him what he would have done if it was his 14 year old DD and he said that he would have killed the man. After that he realized that calling the police was a lot more level headed, especially after his son threatened me and assaulted me. He said he realizes that he is mad at what his son did and the situation it put our family in, not at me. We agreed that SS won't be allowed in our home UPDATE They DID offer SS a deal, which I didn't think they would since he has already signed a confession but what they offered was 9 months in prison (he would only serve 80% with good behavior) and then he will have to register as a sexual predator for 7 years. While in prison, he will have to do extensive therapy. His attorney advised him to take it because the judge could give him as much as 10 years in prison and a lifetime of registering as a sexual predator. The registry will say sex with a minor under 15, over 12. His attorney also told him that he should be glad that I dropped the assault charges because if he was also looking at assault charges, they wouldn't have made a deal with him and he would probably face the maximum sentence. Also for those saying that I shouldn't have called the police and it's my fault he is in trouble, even if I hadn't called the police, my ex said he would have gone to the police and told them about the statutory rape so SS still would be in the same trouble he is in now.

[Megan214]

Do they have the same father? I probably would have lost my cool a lot worse than what you did.

[Supervane]

I would have done the exact same, I think you did good. I have to ask how your husband feels on the topic...

[Anonymous]

I doubt it was the first time she was having sex. But thats still no excuse. I probably would have done the same thing

[mantyangel]

OMG ... sorry this happened to your family.  I'm really not sure how I would handle this :/

[Anonymous]

i wouldnt want my step son  to be labled a sex offender for the rest of his life, but i would have still probably reacted the same.

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

Quoting Megan214:

Do they have the same father? I probably would have lost my cool a lot worse than what you did.

No, they are step siblings, I had both my kids with my ex

[kjfamily]

Wow. You just ruined his son's life! Your dd was obviously a willing participant and it's not like she is 10. She probably wanted it as much as him. What a mess.I would have handled it without police involved or at least asked my husband what we should do about it.

[miss_lisa]

His son definitely screwed up and I agree with not wanting him back at the house or your DH bailing him out. BUT that is still his son and I think it's unreasonable on your part to not expect your DH to be there for him at all. Despite what he's done it's still his child.

Btw if that was my daughter her punishment would be a LOT longer and severe.

[sampson200]

Erg.

So . . . .

Yeah.

[Anonymous]

Omg I think you did the right think. It's just plan gross. The are related. Your DH sounds like a dick!!! Keeping seperate money is just the start of it.