My step son has been arrested for the statutory rape of my daughter Added poll UPDATE/ UPDATE AGAIN ONE FINAL UPDATE on page 177

[Anonymous]

He is 18, almost 19 and she is 14. I came home yesterday after dropping my 10 year old at a friend's house and getting groceries. I was supposed to pick DD up from her friend's home after I got the groceries but there was a misunderstanding and her friend's parents brought daughter home instead. Since step son is still in high school, about to start senior year, he still visits every other weekend. Anyways, I get home and even though step son and my daughter are both home, no one is downstairs.

I went upstairs to ask them to help unload the groceries and they are in my daughter's bed going at it.  I started screaming, no, I did not handle it well but this is my 14 year old and my step son who has been my step son since he was 12,  I think I can be forgiven for loosing my cool. He starts yelling at me to shut up and I told him to get out of my house. He told me to fuck off and went to "his" room. I tried calling dh who was at work, he couldn't answer. I go tell my step son to get out, again, and he threw "his" (really my) lamp at me and told me he was going to kill me. I called the cops because he wouldn't leave and he was threatening me and already threw a lamp at me.

The cops get here and I explain everything, they arrested him for assault and for statutory rape. I really wasn't thinking about the fact that he would get arrested for statutory rape, I was in so much shock but I can't say that I don't think he deserves it.

My DH gets home and already knows about his son being arrested and he gets mad at me!!! He was about to bail him out of jail, I told him that if he did, don't come back home because I will divorce him. We keep our money separate so if he has the money, he can do it but he won't be coming back to my home. I told him he is going to have to make a choice, he can either help his son get an attorney and everything or he can be with me but I am not going to be him if he thinks it's ok or that his son deserves his help after doing this. Also, clearly, his son will never be allowed in our home around either of my girls since he has no problem having sex with children.

Now of course, my daughter is suffering the consequences too I know that she is not completely innocent. But since she is legally a child, her consequences will be much less severe. She is grounded for the rest of the summer, 8 weeks, no TV, computer or cell phone, and even after she is done being grounded, she won't be able to go anywhere without me until I can trust her. My DH thinks that is not enough since chances are, his son will do jail time. Well, my DD didn't break the law, his son did.

I know there will be some on here who think I am the worst step mom ever but if it was your daughter, can you really tell me you wouldn't do the same?

Many of you have expressed the opinion that DD's punishment wasn't harsh enough. Honestly I do agree but I thought I was giving her the most I could give her (not letting her do anything, taking away her computer, cell phone and tv) BUT then nsaneygolover (gotta give credit) suggested that I have her volunteer somewhere instead of letting her sit on her but. I think that is a GREAT idea so I have called a thrift store that supports an abused women's shelter and they said they can use her 3 days a week for 6 hours each day. Then she is going to my sister's house (with my sister there) 2 days a week all day to help her take care of her twin 18 month olds so that she can see what it's like taking care of a child. This is not to punish her for whatever happens to her step brother, that is his fault and he will get whatever punishment he gets. I don't think it was her job to think about the fact that he could get in legal trouble for that, that was on him and he clearly didn't.  But I am punishing her for having sex. While she isn't old enough to fully understand the situation, she is old enough to understand that she shouldn't be having sex. She is also going to the OBGYN. She says that she has never has sex with anyone else. I believe her. Honestly, I check her facebook, I know who she calls on the phone, I know her friend's parents so I believe there hasn't been anyone else. DD is also going to be in counseling 2 times a week to help her understand that while whatever punishment her step brother gets is not on her, she was wrong for having sex at her age.

Upon further reflection, I told DH I would be ok with him helping his son IF he can do so and still pay his share of the bills. However, his son will NEVER (or at least not until both of my girls are over 18) come to our home or be around our family again. We talked about everything and I told him that while I am ok with him helping his son, I will not apologize for calling the police

So DH just found out that since SS admitted to having sex with DD, there will be no trial (which I thought would be the case since we knew he had already signed a written confession). SS will have a sentencing for statutory rape though I did drop the assault charges. The attorney says that he will probably do some jail time. More then likely, he will only have to register as a sexual predator for 7 years. DH and I talked about everything, I asked him what he would have done if it was his 14 year old DD and he said that he would have killed the man. After that he realized that calling the police was a lot more level headed, especially after his son threatened me and assaulted me. He said he realizes that he is mad at what his son did and the situation it put our family in, not at me. We agreed that SS won't be allowed in our home UPDATE They DID offer SS a deal, which I didn't think they would since he has already signed a confession but what they offered was 9 months in prison (he would only serve 80% with good behavior) and then he will have to register as a sexual predator for 7 years. While in prison, he will have to do extensive therapy. His attorney advised him to take it because the judge could give him as much as 10 years in prison and a lifetime of registering as a sexual predator. The registry will say sex with a minor under 15, over 12. His attorney also told him that he should be glad that I dropped the assault charges because if he was also looking at assault charges, they wouldn't have made a deal with him and he would probably face the maximum sentence. Also for those saying that I shouldn't have called the police and it's my fault he is in trouble, even if I hadn't called the police, my ex said he would have gone to the police and told them about the statutory rape so SS still would be in the same trouble he is in now.

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

It's not a double standard, he has a harsher consequence because he is legally an adult

Quoting Anonymous:

 YOUR DAUGHTER WAS CONSENTING. SHE HAD SEX WITH HIM SEVERAL TIMES BEFORE THIS ENCOUNTER. SO YOUR DAUGHTER IS AS MUCH TO BLAME AS HIM. ONLY SHE GETS OFF WITHOUT BEING TAGGED AS A SEX OFFENDER THE REST OF HER LIFE.

THE DOUBLE STANDARD IS BULSHIT

Quoting Anonymous:

I didn't ruin his life, he did that when he had sex with a child

Quoting Anonymous:

 I think you seriously need to get some help.

You just ruined that childs life and I hope your dh leaves your ass. Not only for his son but for you having the balls to say he isnt allowed to bail his son out or else.

 

[Anonymous]

They call it STATUTORY rape for a reason! At 14, you're VERY naive and vulnerable to do somethings just because you're pressured!! Which is why they say you can't legally consent until AT LEAST 16. The LAW says you can't sleep with minors as an adult, and that's how it SHOULD be. It's there for a good reason. 

Quoting Anonymous:

 RAPE? It isnt rape when they were "GOING AT IT" as the OP stated. Her daughter was consenting. That is NOT rape

Quoting KRIZZ25:

Quoting Anonymous:

 I think you seriously need to get some help.

You just ruined that childs life and I hope your dh leaves your ass. Not only for his son but for you having the balls to say he isnt allowed to bail his son out or else.

wtf ..he raped her hild.. he luckey his ass wasent killed.

 

[mommytoeandb]

You did the right thing. Ignorance of the law, or disagreement with it, doesn't let people off the hook. They both should know better. But, HE broke the law. He took advantage of her and that isn't right. Even if she was willing, HE should have the common sense to say NO.

I'd call the cops on anyone who threatened my life. Period. I don't care how they will suffer. Bad choices have bad consequences. He ruined his own life. Not you. Not your DD.

I understand why your DH is upset. I really do. And, I understand you are upset. Rightfully so. That is his son. I don't think it is fair to threaten divorce. Counseling. Absolutely.

[QuickMomma]

I agree with this as well plus she is 14 years old and chose to do this,she is not innocent either.You are letting her get away with this more compared to what you did with your step son.I feel for your husband because he is caught in the middle of this.

Quoting Wyldbutterfly:

Quoting CosmicPossum:

Well be prepared to be divorced! 

It may have been wrong and even a little creepy BUT they are not blood related, have only known each other for 5 years (so not much a of a real sibling bond) and he's still in high school.  To him AND to her they are peers who would see each other in the hall at school. 

As for your daughter's "punishment" that's what most kids get for breaking curfew not for having SEX in their parents house.  Oh gee, she loses her phone and get's grounded, big whoop!  Your husband's son is going to jail and going to be labeled a sex offender.  Since he is still in HS chances are he is still pretty much an immature teen bot some grown ass man who is 27 and snuck in to have sex with your kid.  She knew what was up just like he did.  This probably isn't even the first boy she's had sex with and he won't be the last.  If you think "gorunding" her will fix this problem you are deluded and irrational.

If I was your husband and you told me to pick between you and my child and I had NO children with you I would clearly pick my own child.  Enjoy the disaster your daughter helped to create.

[Anonymous]

They are step siblings, stop making it more than it is.... And learn to read.

Quoting smurfbitebug:

OP, are they half siblings instead of step siblings? If so, it isn't only statutory rape, it is also incest.

[Marti123]

I have to say, I am sorry your family is going through this. There is no good outcome at all here!

[goddess99]

I would have done the same as you.

Good luck in this difficult situation!

[Sunivondea]

Bumping for update.

[Anonymous]

Why is it all the boys fault? Was your daughter screaming no?

[Master_Debater]

You are ruining that boy's life over something HIM and YOUR daughter did. And then to be such a bitch as to tell your husband he can't help his own son?? I hope he chooses his son over you.