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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Open adoption

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 78 Replies
Another post got me thinking.
What is the point of open adoption?
You are choosing adoption because you either don't want this child or can't afford this child and are picking adoption. Why are you picking open adoption? I kinda feel like open adoption is the birth mom saying here raise my baby and pay for my baby as well as all the prenatal care, but I still get to see my baby and play an aunt or whatever it is you get to play. I don't get it. Why put the baby up for addition then in the first place?
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 17, 2012 at 4:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 17, 2012 at 5:29 PM
Bump
lori3636
by on Jul. 17, 2012 at 5:56 PM
18 moms liked this
I love my son's birth mom. When we originally connected, neither one of us had considered open adoption. As we got to know each other during her pregnancy, we grew to love each other. I am so grateful that my son will always know that her decision was not a rejection of him, but a decision made with love, knowing that we would provide him with all that she wanted him to have; stability, 2 parents, security, education, large extended family, etc... I am also so grateful to know that there is another person who loves my son with the same intensity that me and DH have for him.
I know that she is grateful that he has a loving, strong family who will provide him with every opportunity in life. And she has a chance to straighten out her own life and eventually parent a child when she is ready to truly be the mother she wants to be.
We do not co-parent. She is not "auntie", though we refer to each other as "sis". We live in different states, but we text, talk and send pics regularly. We have visited as well. When he does something new, she is often the first one I text.
Adoption is not easy. Open adoption has its complications. But at the end of the day, the more people who love my son, the better! If a parent can love multiple children, why shouldn't a child love multiple parents?
Sorry this is a long reply but this is an emotional topic for us. I never wouldve imagined it to be this way when we started our journey of adoption, but my son's birth mom (and her family) are all family to us!
We all feel very blessed. But really, it's not about any of the adults. It is all about the beautiful boy and him growing up, living a life filled with love, honesty, security and opportunity.
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alyssaravensmom
by Platinum Member on Jul. 17, 2012 at 5:57 PM
Our open adoption with my sil didn't go well.
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maiahlynn
by Bronze Member on Jul. 17, 2012 at 6:01 PM

never put my kids up for adoption but I think that would be good for the moms who do want the baby however they r putting the baby up for adoption because they cant care for the child. They want the best life for the kid, cant give it to them, open adoption would be good for those people.

I think every adoption is different but I know rules are set up like the boiparents gets pics, updates etc. I dont know too many cases where the parent sees the child more than once a year..

NatashaOlivia
by on Jul. 17, 2012 at 6:05 PM
2 moms liked this

That's exactly how I see it OP, yet when I voiced this in another post I get shot down because I'm apparently "young, naive, mother of one and think I know everything"... pffft. I think if you give your child up for adoption, for whatever reasons, that you should cut all ties. When they are old enough to come looking for you should they CHOOSE to, then fine... but why should a biological Mom or Dad be entitled to know what is going on/seeing that child?! JMO.


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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 17, 2012 at 6:45 PM
What happened if you dot mind me asking?

Quoting alyssaravensmom:

Our open adoption with my sil didn't go well.
Roxygurl
by Emerald Member on Jul. 17, 2012 at 6:47 PM
1 mom liked this
An open adoption can be anything under the sun. Some agree to some visitations while some agree to just a yearly update with pictures.

I think it's up to the families involved but I think it's shitty to renege on an open adoption unless there is a compelling reason.
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Polkadotted
by Bronze Member on Jul. 17, 2012 at 6:48 PM

I can see it if you want to keep the child in the family.  or if you know good people.  If the baby is in a place it will be taken care of better who cares if the mom still is involved.

Although it has recently gotten nasty in the case of my preteen SIL and her BM who my FIL just severed all contact with.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 17, 2012 at 6:49 PM
Yeah, I am feeling the same way. I have a few friends that are adopted or that have a child that is adopted. My one friends adopted sons bio mom had till he turned 4 to reneg on the adoption. Could you imagine having a child you raised for 4 years and having to give him/her back?

Quoting NatashaOlivia:

That's exactly how I see it OP, yet when I voiced this in another post I get shot down because I'm apparently "young, naive, mother of one and think I know everything"... pffft. I think if you give your child up for adoption, for whatever reasons, that you should cut all ties. When they are old enough to come looking for you should they CHOOSE to, then fine... but why should a biological Mom or Dad be entitled to know what is going on/seeing that child?! JMO.

SlightlyPerfect
by Babushka Blockparty on Jul. 17, 2012 at 6:49 PM
1 mom liked this

I think it's a security thing, TBH. You want to know that human being you created is ok, and later in life, he/she will know you didn't reject him/her.

slightlyperfect

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