I SENT AN EMAIL TO EX MIL BEGGING HER TO HELP BUY FOOD WWYD? INFO ADD UPDATE WITH MIL RESPONSE EMAIL LAST UPDATE THIS MORNING AFTER DR.....
- 463 Replies
Back story, we used all our savings to fix our car when it broke down. I moved my parents in with me to help split cost of bills and at first it was great but now all they pay are their half of the bills and NO food.
They eat all the food in the house and dont replace it or buy more when we run out. We have to buy our water because the we have well water and you cant drink or cook with it.
Was I wrong to email this to her?
Dear *********,
I know that we havent spoken in a few weeks but I really need to speak with you about the situation that has happened since ****** quit his job so he didnt have to pay child support. We havent had any food in my house since Saturday. No eggs no bread no meat. We have been eating rice for days. Until today. When we ran out of water to cook the rice with. I fed the kid beans for dinner. ***** didnt want to eat it, it didnt have potatoes and didnt taste good.
She went to bed hungry tonight, both my kids did. My parents have no money, neither do I or J****. Not even 30cents or a refil of water.
My phone is getting disconnected on thursday. We have over $500 worth of bills due thursday. Which Im sure doesnt seem like a lot but to us it is. Its everything. There is no money left for food.
I really dont know why Im telling you all this. Its not your place to help and its not my place to ask.
The thing is, MY KIDS went to bed HUNGRY. And that is...there are no words. My parents...are worthless and wont/cant help. J**** is giving and has given everything he can. The child support no longer coming in is killing us.
Im going to the food pantry tmrw morning after my dr appointment. They will give us canned good and a few boxed items. She will eat tmrw at least. ***** is supposed to start school(for the week) next monday and I cant take her all starved out.
We really need help this week. We have zero money for food. And we have nothing. We are so down, down further than I think we have ever been. I really hope you and your husband can help me, the girls. Because I cant take another night of my child going to bed hungry. Its not fair to her or ******. I know its not your place to feed ******* or me or my useless parents and that is fine. But I need to feed my girls. I really hope you can help
Thoughts? I already sent it now Im biting my nails wondering if I did the right thing reaching out to her...
My ex(her son) signed his custody rights away he wants nothing to do with our dd. His mother and I were very close until he quit his job to avoid paying cs and she allowed him to move back in. She wont try to get custody because she "Is done raising children"
here is the email I just got. just want to say thank you all for your responses. Even if a few of you told me to "drop off my dying father at a hospital" or that he was a piece of shit
Dear ********,
Im heartbroken you and the girls are in this situation. i know things with us got bad after ****** quit his job. I know you were upset with me I let him move in but that situation has nothing to do with you girls being hungry. You know all you had to do was ask and I would be there for you and my grandbabies. I will be over first thing in the morning, I will take the girls out while you go to the dr. What time is it exactly?
When you get out, call me and we will meet up to do some shopping. We can have a chat about what to do with your parents. I respect you wanting to keep them near but maybe we can figure out a more balanced decision with food budgets so you and the babies dont have to go through this again. I know how you must feel. Dont worry, we will work it out. Let me know what time to be there and we will chat tomorrow.
Until then
******
So Im in tears but I know I should have just called her before today. SMH Thank you again girls.
So I met up with her after my appointment this morning. She had taken the kids for breakfast and we met up at the supermarket. She bought around 2 weeks worth of food and plenty of snacks and pantry good to keep in the closet in my bedroom. We also got 3 cases of water as well as two 5 gallon jugs filled. We talked about how I should handle the situation with my parents and I hve a plan. I cant kick them out of my home, but I am planning on telling them they will have to start buying and preparing their own food. Or they will have to leave.
I told my MIL I could pay her back for the food in two weeks and she refused to take the money. She said she wanted to help and offered to give me 20 is cash to hold us over. I refused to take it. As long as the girls have food, I couldnt take anything more from her. But I was so touched by how much this lay still cares for me and my children.
She offered to make spontanious payments for her son in the child support. We had to weigh the pros and cons to that. On one hand I could use the money, on the other its not her place and its not fair to her. She admitted to doing it for the kids and for her son. We both decided in the long run it wouldnt be right.
She did say she had a conversation with her son last night. She didnt tell him about the email, but she did tell him he needs to get a job an ASAP. I asked her if she felt the kids were safe and cared for in my care. So many of you ladies had me scared she would show up with CPS.
She told me she would never do that to me or the kids. That is she felt the kids needed care and I couldnt provide it she would either did what she did this morning or bring them to her house until I was up on my feet.
She made me laugh when she said "Family helps family. No matter how disfunctional we are"
We cried and laughed and I came home and about to get lunch ready for the kids.
Thank you so much for all your kind words and prayers. I appriciate all of it
No I don't think you were wrong. You're doing what you have to do to feed your kids. I 'd do the same thing if it came down to it. Don't know if you believe in praying. But that is always good to do. I was in a similar situation like yesterday, My son didn't have anymore formula, I didn't know how I was going to feed him smh.
I'd think you were complete and utter trash for sending me that guilt trip of an email.
I might have groceries delivered to your house for the kids but it would be a cold day in hell before I'd give you any cash. You obviously suck with money if your kids are starving.
ETA: I would probably call CPS too. You're implying that the kids are going days without food. That's neglect.
Whether it was 'right' or 'wrong' aside.
Do you live near a school? A lot of them participate in the Summer Meals Program. They serve breakfast and lunch, free of charge. You don't have to prove income.
Depends what kind of grandmother she is.My question is why haven`t you booted your mom and dad out?They seem to be in better shape money wise then you and frankly how the hell can they eat knowing that their grandkids will be doing without in a few days?I don`t understand a damn near empty cupboard and still eating when those kids will run out in a couple of days.Emergency food stamps maybe.Food pantry an absolute.Open door for mom and dad to hit the highway is a no brainer!
Quoting WFG2012:
how? if he paid support she could feed their kids.
Quoting Anonymous:
Just beware that can be used against you if the father ever wants custody etc.
Yes, I really think so. I think it was a bad idea. You're going to have to fix your own situation. Trying to guilt others into helping you and playing the "poor pitiful me" card isn't a good habit nor is it a permanent fix.
If you're feeding your parents, who aren't contributing, at the expense of your children then you've made terrible choices. Make choices that take care of your children instead of enabling your parents. Require the parents to move out and start focusing on caring for your own family.
Quoting Anonymous:Really? Why do you think so? Im really nervous....
Quoting Anonymous:
YES, YOU WERE WRONG.
are you ok with another woman calling your husband "hun" or "babe"