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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Am I wrong to expect the housework done and dinner on the table when I get home? I have an update on page 9

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 126 Replies

 

Poll

Question: Is it wrong that I expect him to do all the housework and cook dinner?

Options:

yes

no


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 156

View Results

I am an RN, I would 2 jobs, one I work 3 days a week, 14 hours each day and the other I work 2 days a week, 14 hours each day so I am working 70 hours a week. My DH and I have 5 kids between the two of us, none together but all 5 live with us full time. Like many others in out area, DH was laid off and hasn't been able to get another job. Before he was laid off, I only worked 3 days a week but since then, I have taken a second job. The agreement was that he would be the "house husband" and take care of all the kids (ages 7-14). Every day, I come home, the house is trashed. Usually dinner is take out or pizza. Last night I came home and that was how it was, nothing had been cleaned and he got pizza for dinner, which means not only did he not cook but he spend $50 of the money I earn so that he didn't have to cook. I have to do at least half of the laundry so that I have clean clothes to wear to work. Seriously, on tudesday, I came home I didn't have one clean uniform so after being gone from 5 am till 8:30, I had to do laundry so that I had something to wear the next day. I called him out on it (not in front of the kids) but I said "what do you do all day? The house is always trashed and most days, you don't even make dinner". He got mad and wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the night. I work hard, I support myself and my 3 kids plus him and his 2, is it really wrong that while I work 70 hour weeks, I expect him to do all the housework and cook dinner? ********************************UDATE************************************* UPDATE Personally, I don't think I should have to set up chores and tell everyone what they need to do, DH should do that since he is home but clearly that is not happening. So I wrote out a list of chores for each person My 14 year old DS: clean 1 bathroom every day (we have 3 full and 1 half bathrooms) Keep his room clean Cook dinner one night a week (I will tell him what to make) Unload and reload the dishwasher in the morning My 13 year old SDD Clean 1 bathroom every day keep her room clean cook dinner one night a week unload and reload the dishwasher at night My 10 year old DD: clean the half bath every day keep her room clean Set or clear the table for dinner (will take turns with her step) brother) Dust and pick up the living room every other day My 9 year old SDS: Keep his room clean Take all all the trash every day from all bathrooms and the kitchen set or clear the table for dinner Dust and pick up the living room every other day My 7 year old DD: keep her room clean feed the dog and cat scoop the kitty litter every day This leaves my DH with: Dinner 3 nights a week doing the laundry sweeping and moping the tile floors and sweeping and steam moping the hard wood floors wipe down the kitchen counter make sure everyone does their jobs. If all of this is done, the house will be clean and dinner will be made when I get home. I am going to show this list to DH and just tell him that I am at my breaking point and I can't keep working as much as I do and still having to come home and do stuff around the house. It is very much a respect issue, if he can't show enough respect for the work I do, I will seriously consider a separation.
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 21, 2012 at 12:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
alwayskk
by on Jul. 21, 2012 at 12:58 PM
6 moms liked this

I think it would be wrong to expect the house to be perfect and have a perfect dinner on the table every night.

Coming home to a trashed house with take out for dinner every night is equally as ridiculous, though.

I think somewhere in between is reasonable. :)

That said, consider the fact that your husband is probably depressed. He has plenty of reasons why he could  be.

justme782
by on Jul. 21, 2012 at 1:01 PM
1 mom liked this
Not at all! He needs to do something and help around the house. I have the same battle with my dh but it always turns into him playing the victim and saying that he's a piece of shit and blah blah blah. Idgaf about ur feelings! You don't give a shit how I feel having to work my ass off then come home and have to work too? Yea I know how it is and no, you are not wrong!!!
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notjstasocermom
by Emerald Member on Jul. 21, 2012 at 1:03 PM
1 mom liked this

i say no. my dh expects that and i have no problem with it.

but i do find the poll resuls funny cause if a woman was saying her dh expected that, he would be an asshole, controlling ect. but since you are a woman expecting it the its ok. gotta love the double standards on here.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 21, 2012 at 1:07 PM
1 mom liked this

Quoting alwayskk:

I think it would be wrong to expect the house to be perfect and have a perfect dinner on the table every night.

Coming home to a trashed house with take out for dinner every night is equally as ridiculous, though.

I think somewhere in between is reasonable. :)

That said, consider the fact that your husband is probably depressed. He has plenty of reasons why he could  be.


I don't expect it to be perfect, there ARE 5 kids there but when I come home, it is clear no housework has been done at all. MY 14 year old has actually started doing some just because he doesn't have any clean clothes. And I wouldn't mind take out once a week but he is spending $200-$250 a week on take out, that's what I make in one shift. He is depressed, but heck, so am I, working an high stress job 70 hours a week, missing out on that much time with your kids is depressing too but I do what my family needs me to do
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 21, 2012 at 1:09 PM

Quoting notjstasocermom:

i say no. my dh expects that and i have no problem with it.

but i do find the poll resuls funny cause if a woman was saying her dh expected that, he would be an asshole, controlling ect. but since you are a woman expecting it the its ok. gotta love the double standards on here.


My ex DH expected that, I was a SAHM with 3 kids, of course I did all the housework cooking and laundry, I expected that of myself. And my ex only worked 40 hours a week but he never did ANY housework or cooking
alwayskk
by on Jul. 21, 2012 at 1:09 PM


Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting alwayskk:

I think it would be wrong to expect the house to be perfect and have a perfect dinner on the table every night.

Coming home to a trashed house with take out for dinner every night is equally as ridiculous, though.

I think somewhere in between is reasonable. :)

That said, consider the fact that your husband is probably depressed. He has plenty of reasons why he could  be.


I don't expect it to be perfect, there ARE 5 kids there but when I come home, it is clear no housework has been done at all. MY 14 year old has actually started doing some just because he doesn't have any clean clothes. And I wouldn't mind take out once a week but he is spending $200-$250 a week on take out, that's what I make in one shift. He is depressed, but heck, so am I, working an high stress job 70 hours a week, missing out on that much time with your kids is depressing too but I do what my family needs me to do

I do think that he is in the wrong but I have a lot of empathy for him. I empathize with both of you, really. I was severely depressed when I was a SAHM and I was genuinely ill. How long has this been going on?

EAzizM
by Erica on Jul. 21, 2012 at 1:12 PM
I think that is reasonable but those things don't come easy to some men, lol. He needs to set a schedule and stick to it.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 21, 2012 at 1:14 PM
1 mom liked this

YES... you are 100% right.  If he is the house husband and that was the agreement then the house should be picked up and dinner ready.  And fast food is NOT an acceptable dinner!

btw.. I am a sahm

Katenemsmom
by on Jul. 21, 2012 at 1:15 PM
3 moms liked this
The kids are old enough to help out. He has no excuse for not getting it done.

Block all the channels except for the Food Network. Maybe it will inspire him. :)
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1L2CMommy
by Silver Member on Jul. 21, 2012 at 1:19 PM
Sounds like time for a family meeting. 7-14 age range is old enough for chore charts, expectations, and punishments when not completed. You and DH need to talk before the meeting to make sure your on the same page. Do it on your day off after a good night sleep. No confrontation. Your both stressed, worn out, depressed, but you can survive this if you work together. Decide with him the things that have to be done daily, the things that each of you would like to get done, and fun stuff you would like to do on your days off. Then put the kids to work! Keep it reasonable. While in school, one or two chores a night is probably enough. If they're not doing anything this summer then 3-5 is probably good depending on the chore. Talk to DH about menu's and help him out with ideas for easy quick meals. He probably isn't cooking because he can't or isn't used to it.My DH can cook about 3-4 things really well, but who wants to eat the same thing every week. I think this is very fixable, you just need a little communication. Good luck!
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