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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I don't miss the baby I gave up for adoption.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I was talking to a friend about this today and told her that I do not miss the little boy I gave up for adoption. I signed the papers once he was born and left the hospital without him. I never let myself get attached and while I did love him(if I didn't, I damn sure would not have carried him for 10 months) I don't miss him. There is nothing to miss. I don't want him with me. I gave him up for a reason and I wouldn't change a thing. 

My friend got all upset saying that I sound heartless and so on and so forth but she just doesn't understand. 

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 31, 2012 at 2:29 AM
Replies (31-40):
Ashgambit
by Gold Member on Jul. 31, 2012 at 2:45 AM
2 moms liked this


Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting momma0ffive:

If you don't miss him....do u think about him? Wonder what king of life he is having? Ever want to meet him? At the very least give him you Knowlike family health history, things like that

I think about him sometimes, like today when I was talking about it with my friend and I have wondered what kind of life he lives. I won't ever try to meet him but if he wanted to meet me then I wouldn't object just for his benefit. But I'm pretty sure his parents don't' plan on telling him he's adopted, I honestly can't remember if they said that or not though. And I gave all the family health history to his parents when I went through the adoption process. 

This is 100% curiosity - what was the adoption process like?  Did you know before having the baby who the prospective parents were?  Was it one of those situations where they took care of the medical bills and everything while you were pregnant?  What did you talk to them about?  Did you go through a full on agency or private adoption?

Like I said, just curious.  No one in my family has been adopted, and no one has ever given a child up for adoption, so I will rarely have the opportunity to ask these kinds of questions :).

momma0ffive
by on Jul. 31, 2012 at 2:46 AM
sorry if my questions were too personal, my mom was adopted. She was never suppose to find out. She found out when she was 42.... She didn't get to meet her birth parents only a younger sibling and he doesn't have a lot of info.

I helped her locate then, and I have always found the adoption process interesting, and always wonder what people think.


Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting momma0ffive:

If you don't miss him....do u think about him? Wonder what king of life he is having? Ever want to meet him? At the very least give him you Knowlike family health history, things like that

I think about him sometimes, like today when I was talking about it with my friend and I have wondered what kind of life he lives. I won't ever try to meet him but if he wanted to meet me then I wouldn't object just for his benefit. But I'm pretty sure his parents don't' plan on telling him he's adopted, I honestly can't remember if they said that or not though. And I gave all the family health history to his parents when I went through the adoption process. 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jul. 31, 2012 at 2:47 AM
1 mom liked this
No nothing traumatic has happened to me. Its just hard for me to bond with a child I cant see or touch (well touch with my hands) and I need a few days after labor to decompress and allow the bonding to begin. I did have fairly difficult deliveries with my 2 kids. Stage 5 tears, lots of stitches, and surging hormons of all sorts.

Im probably super weird but I love my kids to death and they are spoiled with affection and compliments. :)


Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting Anonymous:

I understand where youre coming from. I dont bond with my pregnancies, or my babies til a few days after birth. I can see how you dont miss him.

Is it because you've been through losses, or just because? Not bashing, just curious. I had a significant loss so it is hard for me to let myself bond too early. It's scary.


momma0ffive
by on Jul. 31, 2012 at 2:49 AM
You have other children?


Quoting Anonymous:

No nothing traumatic has happened to me. Its just hard for me to bond with a child I cant see or touch (well touch with my hands) and I need a few days after labor to decompress and allow the bonding to begin. I did have fairly difficult deliveries with my 2 kids. Stage 5 tears, lots of stitches, and surging hormons of all sorts.



Im probably super weird but I love my kids to death and they are spoiled with affection and compliments. :)




Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting Anonymous:

I understand where youre coming from. I dont bond with my pregnancies, or my babies til a few days after birth. I can see how you dont miss him.

Is it because you've been through losses, or just because? Not bashing, just curious. I had a significant loss so it is hard for me to let myself bond too early. It's scary.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 31, 2012 at 2:50 AM


Quoting Ashgambit:


Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting momma0ffive:

If you don't miss him....do u think about him? Wonder what king of life he is having? Ever want to meet him? At the very least give him you Knowlike family health history, things like that

I think about him sometimes, like today when I was talking about it with my friend and I have wondered what kind of life he lives. I won't ever try to meet him but if he wanted to meet me then I wouldn't object just for his benefit. But I'm pretty sure his parents don't' plan on telling him he's adopted, I honestly can't remember if they said that or not though. And I gave all the family health history to his parents when I went through the adoption process. 

This is 100% curiosity - what was the adoption process like?  Did you know before having the baby who the prospective parents were?  Was it one of those situations where they took care of the medical bills and everything while you were pregnant?  What did you talk to them about?  Did you go through a full on agency or private adoption?

Like I said, just curious.  No one in my family has been adopted, and no one has ever given a child up for adoption, so I will rarely have the opportunity to ask these kinds of questions :).

Yes I knew before having him who the parents were going to be. They took care of medical bills when it was confirmed that I wanted them to be the parents. I talked to them about why they wanted to adopt, what their life has been like up until this point, i asked about their family, what an average day in their house would be like, things like that. We did a private adoption. I don't mind the questions :)

CBMMOM
by Gold Member on Jul. 31, 2012 at 2:50 AM
6 moms liked this


Quoting stephy87:

Consider counseling. Maybe some therapy might help.....

That makes no sense. Is the goal to to make her feel bad? The child she gave birth to is being raised by people who obviously wanted a child. She didn't want to be a parent  and she is at ease and content with her decision. That's not a bad thing or something that needs to be changed. 

Roxygurl
by Emerald Member on Jul. 31, 2012 at 2:52 AM
1 mom liked this
What exactly do you think therapy will help her do?

There is nothing wrong with her feelings and in fact they are perfectly normal.


Quoting stephy87:

Consider counseling. Maybe some therapy might help.....
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Ashgambit
by Gold Member on Jul. 31, 2012 at 2:54 AM
5 moms liked this

I would just like to say, OP - I personally believe that a woman should give a baby up for adoption as opposed to having an abortion, or choosing to keep the child, when she feels she can't parent the child.  It's very rare to see that someone has taken that route, and I would like to say I think it's awesome that you did so.  There is nothing wrong with being content in your decision that you did what was best for both of you, and I also personally see nothing wrong with not missing him.

You have said so yourself that you sometimes wonder about him - that's only natural.  You just don't miss him - which makes sense.  You were emotionally detached from the beginning, knowing what the future held.  Becoming emotionally attached would have done no good for anybody. 

BritnieMichelle
by on Jul. 31, 2012 at 2:54 AM
4 moms liked this

I personally couldn't come anywhere near to understanding but I think you are an awesome person for loving him enough to bring him into the world and then giving him to a couple that wanted to become a mother and father when you knew you didn't. You gave both your child and that couple something they desperately needed and wanted. I don't think you're heartless and your friend was wrong to bash you. I mean it personally breaks my heart to hear you don't miss him but everyone is different and it's good to hear that you aren't suffering like a lot of birth Mom's do. No matter what ,you did something great for that baby that not many people have the strength to do.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Jul. 31, 2012 at 2:56 AM
6 moms liked this
You would make an excellent surrogate. No joke. No bashing. Being able to accept something like that so easily is truly a gift.
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