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I don't miss the baby I gave up for adoption.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I was talking to a friend about this today and told her that I do not miss the little boy I gave up for adoption. I signed the papers once he was born and left the hospital without him. I never let myself get attached and while I did love him(if I didn't, I damn sure would not have carried him for 10 months) I don't miss him. There is nothing to miss. I don't want him with me. I gave him up for a reason and I wouldn't change a thing. 

My friend got all upset saying that I sound heartless and so on and so forth but she just doesn't understand. 

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 31, 2012 at 2:29 AM
Replies (681-690):
elijahXmom
by Gold Member on Aug. 1, 2012 at 9:02 PM
Sounds like you did what was right for you. As hash as you sound in your post, in my eyes you have to have a heart of gold. Honesty hurt some people to hear.
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sunflowercows
by on Aug. 1, 2012 at 9:02 PM

I agree that my daughter has every right to have a relationship with her father.  Unfortunately, if it wasn't for his current wife he would not.  She talked him into  it  after my daughter first contacted him.  The thing that really bothers me is that he is pretty wealthy and to make up for the time he was not in her life he has bought her a house, car, car for my granddaughter, taken them on a cruise, etc.  I resent the fact that he couldn't bother with helping to support her when she was a child.  I had to go to court just to get $50.00 a month for her support.  I grossed $396.00 a month back then and it was very hard.  Now he throws money around and my daughter and grandkids think he is so wonderful.  I refuse to compete with him and I can't monetarily  even if I could I wouldn't.  Unfortunately, my daughter is taking advantage of this and has kind of pushed me away.  To make matters worse, when there is some sort of a family function and he is there I must act like everything is terrific  (my daughter told me I should get over it) ( he disappeared when I was 7 mos along and got married to someone he was seeing behind my back two months to the day from when my daughter was born.  He even gave her the wedding ring set we had been paying on to her.  I found out when I got the "Paid in Full" bill in the mail.  I know I am so much better off without him but it hurts that he  walked away so easily. 

krmom05
by Member on Aug. 1, 2012 at 9:04 PM
I didn't miss my nephew until I met him(he was 4 and lives in another country), now I think about him all the time. You have to have it around before you miss it. No one misses their hovercraft, they never had one.
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mymomsSukki
by New Member on Aug. 1, 2012 at 9:04 PM
1 mom liked this
I do understand and you did a brave thing. They have never been in your shoes so how could they understand? Don't ever let your friends bring you down for what you did or how you feel.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Aug. 1, 2012 at 9:05 PM
J understand. You have to detach yourself in order to go on with life.

That's normal. Hard to understand for a lot of women, however. But I get it. ;-)
AdoptingMommy
by Gold Member on Aug. 1, 2012 at 9:05 PM
I understand! Dont let some of these hateful ppl get you down, when you choose adoption (the loving life choice) you distanced yourself to make the placement easier. I know you love your son and did it for the right reasons!
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DOllfACE-
by on Aug. 1, 2012 at 9:05 PM

Not missing him doesn't mean you don't love him. You clearly loved him enough to give him a better life and I commend you for that.

mommy2annaliese
by on Aug. 1, 2012 at 9:06 PM

I also can not understand that, adoption was considered for a long time during my pregnancy and I was attached from the minute I saw the positive HPT. Some people are emotionally involved people, some people are emotionally distant people, and some are inbetween. I am heavily emotionally involved. I cannot imagine ever having given Anna to anyone. And if I did, there would be a permenant hole in my heart.

Clearly, you are not heartless, because you choose the best thing for your child. You were not ready, or capable of raising a child and you did not desire to, so you gave him to someone who could give him everything you couldn't. I don't see how that is heartless. I applaud you! :)

whisperwhisper
by on Aug. 1, 2012 at 9:07 PM

I couldn't possibly give up a child, but I can also see how you feel. My aunt gave up a son and she had no desire to keep him. If you know in your heart that the child will be better off being adopted out, then I don't think there's any reason get all upset. You did what you believed was right, you shouldn't have to feel all bad about it.

Shea1967
by on Aug. 1, 2012 at 9:09 PM
1 mom liked this
Well from a different point of view - I am married to an adopted man. He knew he was adopted and very loved by his family. But let me tell you he has serious ISSUES around being an adopted child. He can talk till he is blue in the face what a great thing it is and all when the truth is it hurt him deeply. I finally saw him change after I convinced him to find his bmom at 29. BEST thing he ever did for himself. He is the male version of his bmom. She never looked for him because she felt she didn't have the right. They have a great relationship. He does need therapy but being a guy is 'fine'. He is a better person since finding her. Knows where he came from and so on. :-)
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