Thirty year ago I was married to a man in the Navy and we lived in VA. He wasn't the best husband and hardly ever came home even when his ship was in. He liked going to strip clubs and things like that. Well needless to say it didn't work out. I lived on base and I met my neighbor and her husband and 2 kids. I had a one year old son and we stayed at their house even at night. We became pretty close and she started confiding in me that she loved someone else. Her husband was really good to her and the kids and, as I had a birds eye view, she had no reason to turn to another. She was one to stay in bed till noon. I feed the kids in the morning and took care of them. None of them were school age yet. She stayed up late every night. Her husband would get up and go to work and he had no idea that she was sleeping till noon. One night the other guy came by after her husband had gone to bed. She asked me if I wanted to go. Well I did for some reason. I feel asleep and when I woke up they were making out. Several weeks went by and her husband started talking to me. He said he felt like his wife was cheating on him but he had no proof. After a while of listening and my heart going out to him I made the choice to tell him what I knew. Well, we became close and I moved out of their home and went back to mine. He left his wife and started coming to see me. We fell in love. I moved back to MS where I am from and his ship got docked there for about a year. He would come and see me on weekends. I started feeling bad for his kids and told him to go and try to make it work with his wife. I didn't want to be the other woman. I didn't want any part of breaking up a marriage. So he went back to his wife and tried to work it out. Well eventually he caught her cheating again and divorced her. He wrote me a letter at that point and all he said was that he still had the tattoo that he had of my name and a butterfly that he got while he was seeing me. He didn't tell me he was divorced. I didn't answer. Well last year I found him on Facebook and saw that he wasn't with anyone. I sent him a message "Do you still have the tattoo?" From there we got back together and were married 3 months ago. All is good except that his 2 oldest kids hate me. Their mom has told them that I was the reason of their marriage breaking up. They have stopped taking to their dad (which I am told they hardly did anyway). I feel so bad about that but there is no changing their mind. Was I selfish in wanting a man that I loved for so long and going after him?
It had been 30 years since any contact at all with him. I looked a long time on fb. He is from GA but was living in SC when I found him. He had remarried and his second wife got on drugs and it broke up their marriage. They have a daughter that has Autism. She wants her mom and dad back together and doesn't want to even meet me.
I do not think you were selfish. That woman threw away her husband and her marriage. You have every right to your happiness.
I do see how his ex could view you as breaking up her marriage however- as you did tell her dh at the time that she was cheating. So, to take it very literally, yes you did open the can of worms. HOWEVER- the dh would have found out anyway- this way, he found out sooner-not later. It is a shame that the children were sucked into this drama.
At what age should I tell my son dh is not his bio dad?
Be honest -- Did you dump the crap out of your kid's disposable diaper??
- JudyKit
on Jul. 31, 2012 at 8:09 AM