I'm so confused and lost

[Anonymous]

I have been married 7 years. I got married when I was 19 and we have two beautiful and wonderful kids. I have a problem a BIG problem! My husband has never been good in bed and we got lucky to get pregnant with the two kids we do have. I am lost because I didnt want to fall for someone else, but I believe I have and I dont know what to do. Im not happy in my marriage and I dont want my kids to be raised in a broken home. This guy i have fallen for has known me for 6 years and just confessed he is in love with me. We have slept together once and I know that he is who I want to be with. He makes me happy and cares and understands me. My husband is emotionally abusive towards me and im tired of it. UGH I grew up in church and have always been told  divorce is wrong, but I dont want to stay in a unhappy marriage. Any advice Id appreciate at this point!

PLEASE NO BASHING!

 

[mommytoeandb]

Neither guy is a winner. If you do leave your husband, stay single for a while and take your time.

[smileber]

Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting smileber:

Quoting Anonymous:

your right and I have thought of this numerous times. I just dont know how to stop having feelings for him,since he seems to fill the void of unhyappiness I have at home. I want to try harder with my marriage but I really need hubby to meet me half way and try as well.

Quoting smileber:

I say this out of all the kindness in my heart: Ditch the other guy. He is hitting on a woman who he knows full well is married. Who is to say that if you left your husband, he would still be interested? And if you two got together, who's to say he won't go after someone else, or let anyone else come in between the two of you? Try to fix your marriage first and foremost. Give it your whole heart, not just enough to get you by.

When you put your happiness in others, it's hard to find happiness within yourself - if that makes sense? Have you explained to your hubby that you are not happy?

I have sat down with my husband repeatedly and asked him to try and meet me in the middle and explained how I need certain things from him. I don't want to destroy my marriage at all but i feel so trapped and so unhappy and this guy kinda seemed like a way out.   I am happy within myself but do you live with a hurtful man who drains you of all your happiness... I just don't know what more I can or should do. I have asked to see a councilor and he refuses.

Marriage hasn't been easy to say the least. We are no where close to being "the perfect couple". Since I have really started trying to give it all I've got instead of thinking, "Well, I can always leave when I want" and such, it has gotten easier. We aren't great, but we are much better. I do not think of leaving my husband. Instead, I try to think of what I could do to change the situation, if there is anything I can change about myself (Beforehand, I always felt he was the problem. I disregarded what I was doing wrong.), and I limited my friends. If they were no one who would benefit me or my marriage in a healthy, positive way, I started seeing and speaking to them less. I can honestly say that I do not miss them and they have shown no care for my absence. In your talk, have you told your husband you were thinking seriously about a divorce?

[hope_love_dream]

Quoting Dzyre1115:

 You're in an unhappy marriage, because you are living like you're not in a marriage.  I think your husband deserves better!

hell has frozen over, but i agree with this

[boshs1andonly]

If that's the case you need to make the choice between how to fix your marriage or how to leave your dh, not how to start up with someone else before you even end things with him. You have two kids to think about. Even if you decide to leave your dh, they should be your first priority, not some guy who hits on a married woman. 

Quoting Anonymous:

ok,  I am hurting because my husband treats me like crap he puts me down and calls me names. monitors the bank account and questions every dime missing. I cant do anything he is very controlling and un affectionate towards me. He wont show me any kind of affection period. I am not saying that I dont want to keep trying to fix my marraige but honestly how long do I try before enough is enough?

Quoting Dzyre1115:

 You're in an unhappy marriage, because you are living like you're not in a marriage.  I think your husband deserves better!

[itsm3]

if yo'ure in an abusive relationship, leave... not to be with that other guy but for your family and kids.   be on your own for a while and take care of you and your kids.  if a relationship happens in the future, so be it but it's important to get your own bearings and build a safe, STABLE  environment for your kids.

[MommyAddie]

I can only speak for myself, but in my situation, divorce was best. My kids will tell you they are much, much happier coming from 2 happy (broken) homes than living in one miserable one.

[l.e.v]

when you've exhausted every possible option for your marriage and its still not working then call it quits

but bith parties have to be on the same page and be willing to put in the work as for the other dude....
explain to him u need to try to work on ur marriage, dont make excuses tell him the honest truth.
then lose his number if u see him daily just smile politely when u pass him, but if you cant let this guy go then ur not going to put ur all into working on ur marriage and its all gonna be for nothing

[Dzyre1115]

 You're not trying at all, you are being unfaithful, you have checked out of your marriage emotionally and you are trying to justify your actions.  You can't expect 100% out of a marriage if you're not giving 100%.  Your husband has every right to be the way he is right now because you are the one being dishonest.  Marriages don't break apart because of one person.

Quoting Anonymous:

ok,  I am hurting because my husband treats me like crap he puts me down and calls me names. monitors the bank account and questions every dime missing. I cant do anything he is very controlling and un affectionate towards me. He wont show me any kind of affection period. I am not saying that I dont want to keep trying to fix my marraige but honestly how long do I try before enough is enough?

Quoting Dzyre1115:

 You're in an unhappy marriage, because you are living like you're not in a marriage.  I think your husband deserves better!

 

 

[sweetnympho4him]

I'd be leaving if I wasn't in a happy marriage and an abusive one, even one that's just emotionally (mentally and verbally goes with that, btw). Do you think you are doing your children good by keeping them in that kind of relationship? They don't need to be raised in it.
And, if you have already had sex/cheated while you are IN the marriage..why are you still in it?

Get out, before it gets REALLY ugly for all of you, including the children.

[Cheryl_M]

My therapist told me that children are better off in a 1 parent home with the parent happy, than in a 2 parent home with 1 who is abusive and the other miserable.