Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Non-spanking Mommas...help??

Posted by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 9:02 AM
  • 20 Replies

I have never spanked my children, ever. I really need to ask the mothers that have also never (not even once) spanked for help.

In the last week, DD (3yrs) has attempted a viscious spanking on DS (14mths). She knows what spanking is, that it hurts really bad, and that Mommy doesn't do it, none of which was told to her by me. When I say she tried to spank DS, I mean she grabbed his arm forcefully and tried to wail on his bottom. I say tried but she did hit him, only he is cloth diapered and is only three so she isn't strong enough to give a powerful spank.

My question, what I need help with, is would she be doing this if no one has ever spanked her? Does/Did anyone else's children do this? Please, I need to know if someone is hurting my daughter:'(

*UPDATE* I asked DD calmly if someone has spanked her.

She said, "Yes, and it really hurt. Real bad," and she spanked her own bum to show me a spank.

I asked if she cried, she says no.

"I'm so sorry that someone hurt you. Do you know who did it, who spanked you?"

"I don't know."

So, progress? I don't know if it's just something she is saying or if someone really did spank her and she doesn't want to get them in trouble... I'm going crazy over here!

by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 9:02 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
ccnstanczak
by Gold Member on Aug. 5, 2012 at 9:10 AM

 im assuming you talked to your dd and asked her if anyone did this to her?

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Aug. 5, 2012 at 9:18 AM
4 moms liked this

You haven't had to spank her because someone is doing it behind your back. Probably someone close to you who knows you don't spank and doesn't agree.

itsm3
by Platinum Member on Aug. 5, 2012 at 9:20 AM

hitting is a phase that all kids - spanked or not spanked - goes through... similar to biting.  it's a way for them to exert their growing independence regardless of what they've been taught as acceptable/unacceptable behavior.  they also do it in frustration or anger.

my dd is 4 and has never been spanked.  she knows that hitting is unacceptable and will not be tolerated yet there were times when she was 3 or so, that she would try to hit me or dh when she got upset (for which she was disciplined via timeout and a privilege taken away).

i would just continue to discpilne via timeout if you dd hits and then explain to her why hitting is not acceptable.  also, use positive reinforcement... this is my best weapon to encourage acceptable behavior.  whenever your dd is gentle with your son praise her and tell her that you love how gentle she's being with your ds; how proud you are of her being such a great big sister.  i use positive reinforcment with dd more than discipline and is why she's so well behaved (most of the time -- she is 4 after all and does have her moments too LOL).

good luck! 

ps - if you think that someone is doign this to her, ask her where she learned that and if that happened to her.  ask her openely and honestly.. sometimes if kids get the feelign that they might get in trouble, they wont' say anything so it's best to ask with no emotion showing on your face.



visit me at my blog:  vodka and soda | www.lifeinprogress.ca

i'm charting my progress of the 30-day shred  |  journey to a healther me

Ashleeduhh
by Gold Member on Aug. 5, 2012 at 9:21 AM
Just do the naughty corner for 3 minutes and be consistent. Time starts again if she moves or whines.

All kids go through phases where the hit, bite, etc.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mylovey
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 9:27 AM

I wonder if she has seen another child receive a spanking. Children can pick-up things from anywhere, and then model those behaviors. We never had a problem with spanking, but around that age my daughter discovered hitting. It did not last long though. If she would hit I would tell her "hands are for hugging, not for hitting". Then I would explain how it made me feel. For example, "that really hurt mommy, and her feelings". My daughter is pretty sensitive, so she would immediately feel bad and apologize. She does not hit anymore. 

Mommy to a sweet little princess named Saylor, and expecting a bouncing baby boy, Finley. 

 BabyFruit Ticker

MommynMonster
by Silver Member on Aug. 5, 2012 at 9:33 AM

What works with my son (4) is asking him 'K, am I allowed to hit you?' 'no mama' 'Ok, then are you allowed to hit me?' 'no...sorry'. Verbally going over with him what he is and isnt allowed to do reminds him that he is hurting us by hitting and that we dont hit him because we dont want to hurt him. Its worked so far. I think shes probably seen someone go off on their kid, maybe at the playground or store. Keep reminding her that no one, adult or child, is allowed to hit someone.

fraujones
by Mommytron on Aug. 5, 2012 at 9:34 AM

I'm not sure. My daughter has never hit. She's never been spanked, but she does know what it is.

It does sound like acting out. I'd definitely ask her about it. If you have a DH, I'd ask him about it to. Maybe a relative?

WFG2012
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 9:35 AM
this unless she's around people who spank and sees it regularly


Quoting Anonymous:

You haven't had to spank her because someone is doing it behind your back. Probably someone close to you who knows you don't spank and doesn't agree.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Oostera
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 10:04 AM

Yes, I asked her but she goes around in circles and changes answers. I asked her where she's seen spanking and she said she didn't know. I asked her if someone spanked her, she said no, then yes, then no, then yes... I asked her where she got spanked, she said in the playhouse. The only time she's been in the playhouse with someone else is either with her brother or my siblings (4 and 6). It's just a big yes to everyone, if I try naming people specifically.

Quoting ccnstanczak:

 im assuming you talked to your dd and asked her if anyone did this to her?


kathislove80
by Platinum Member on Aug. 5, 2012 at 10:07 AM
Bump :(
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)