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should i take STBMIL's advice?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 

Poll

Question: should i take her advice? what would u do

Options:

screw your "bestfriend"

thats mean dont do that to your friend

other


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 81

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My best friend and i have been friends for over 15 years. she is getting married January. wants me in the wedding, said she wants me to be MOH but she wants a $2000 bachelorette party and its the MOH responsibility to pay, so since i cant afford that  she is letting her cousin  think shes  MOH when its  secretly me.  she is  VERY materialistic person.  she told me she was having a small wedding nothing huge or expensive then all of a sudden that changed.

i tell her im getting married December this year and she flips.  tells me im inconveniencing everyone because they have to come to my wedding( we live 5 states away and non of her guests are invited to my wedding)  i ask her to be MOH and she gets mad saying  that  i need to not rush into this  because im not going to have the wedding i want ( i am having the wedding i always wanted), and that she cant afford my wedding and she barley has money for hers and its going to be a small wedding ect ect. ( please keep in mind  df and i have been together 5 years and have a kid and  couldn't get married because my abusive controlling ex stalled our divorce for 7 years because "im his property" , so DF and i  are not rushing into anything, and have been wanting to get married for years, but our life was on hold because of this asshole!)

anyways back to my "bestfriend" she has a history of not being a great friend, and  being very selfish. i was in tears for months over this wedding thing. being told im selfish and taking away from her day. and how inconvenient it is that she has to fly down here for my wedding. and that if i wasn't getting married i could afford everything for her wedding. she has fought me on everything. our most recent battle is  the bridesmaid dress she is going to wear. she claims to have no money and cant spend money on a dress i pick out ($79) but  when i tell her to pick one out she likes and maybe we can  compromise  she picks out a $150  platinum gown  that has extremely low cleavage and tight fitting and basically its 10X more fancy/ sexy, and revealing then my wedding dress. so she would walk out and everyone would me like omg thats gorgeous then see me in a plain dress.

  the cost of her  being in/ coming to mey wedding is

$200 for a plane ticket

$50- $100 on a dress

$100 on hair and makeup if she chooses to have it professionally done( i gave her the option)

thats it!!!

 on her wedding i am expected to spend

$130 on a dress

$50- $100 on  jewelry

$250 on hair, make up, nails

$75  on a hair Peice

$80- $150 on a fur shall

$900 on airfare for me my df and our dd

$50 on childcare for dd because no kids are allowed at the wedding and my family is all going to the wedding but wont let me leave dd home with  dfs mom.

$600-$800 on airfair to get to her bridal shower

and the most recent is  the official moh has informed me i need to give them $75 for her extremely formal several thousand dollar bridal shower

plus gifts

my stbmil says shes not a good friend, im always crying because she does or says something hurtful when i do talk to her, and is listing demands for her wedding  but refuses to do what i want for mine and all i do is try and please her, so i should tell her i cant make it to her wedding because its to much money and let her get mad at me  and back out of my wedding so i have less stress.





Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 5, 2012 at 10:59 PM
Replies (11-20):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Aug. 5, 2012 at 11:27 PM
I wouldn't be in her wedding or have her in yours. It's hard and it sucks but sometimes you have to. Good luck. I just had to tell my friend I couldn't be in her wedding or attend any of the events. She is having a destination wedding and everything else 4 states.
ripemango
by Gold Member on Aug. 5, 2012 at 11:28 PM

drop kick that bitch to the curb


I don't know where the sunbeams end and the starlights begin; it's all a mystery.

reyreybella01
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 11:29 PM
Tell her buh bye
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
countrygirlkat
by Silver Member on Aug. 5, 2012 at 11:29 PM

It is up to you but I wouldn't want a friend like that. 

fairyjester
by Ruby Member on Aug. 5, 2012 at 11:29 PM

I am with you  soon mil on this one.  that is not a friend let alone best friend.

 

Gabbysmom715
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 11:29 PM
tell her to fuck off.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Mama2ETA
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 11:30 PM

she doesn't sound like a good friend at all. I had a friend that I was friends with for over 17 years (im 25) and we stopped being friends because of her behavior. It tears you apart, but you will be more at peace when it's over and calmed down. My friend was exactly like her. Everything was about her. I was expected to change my plans to fit her needs. She was a flake too though. 

You need to tell her NO to the dress that she picked, and tell her your choice is less expensive, so she can purchase that. (IF you choose to keep her in your wedding) And if you go to her wedding, I'd leave my dd with MIL if you trust her. Who isn't "letting" you leave her? It's not nice to expect guests from out of town to not bring their children to the wedding but bring them to town. 

Keeely07
by on Aug. 5, 2012 at 11:30 PM
I wouldn't go. Thats too much stress. Just agree not to be in each others weddings. Itll save you all money and grief.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Lauriemom
by Platinum Member on Aug. 5, 2012 at 11:32 PM

Your soon to be MIL is correct. Have a festive, stress free wedding

Congrats!!

Derari
by :::Achtung::: on Aug. 5, 2012 at 11:32 PM
I couldn't even read your whole post, it sounds so stressful. Do what makes you happy and what you are comfortable with.

Who cares about ticking off a girl like her.
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