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My heart is breaking for her!

Posted by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 12:17 AM
  • 15 Replies

A month ago my 19 yr old cousin lost her husband, she has a 1 yr old daughter and she  called me tonight needing to talk.  She misses him so bad and doesnt know what to do. Everyone is tryin to force her to quit grieving over him and move on. I told her not to let anyone tell her how long she should grieve.  I just wish I could fix this! 

by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 12:17 AM
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Replies (1-10):
alleycat_2
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 12:19 AM
Thats my worst fear. Just be there for you and it seems like you already are. Im sorry for her loss.
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1likeme
by Gold Member on Aug. 6, 2012 at 12:20 AM
1 mom liked this
Jesus it's only been a month. Sometimes people can't deal with the grief of other people and they say hurtful things.
at82
by Bronze Member on Aug. 6, 2012 at 12:23 AM
Nah you're doing the right thing from what it sounds like. Grieving takes time. In the old days it used to be customary to grieve for seven years...now I don't really recommend that but it does gives u some perspective. These things just need to take their time. Good thing ur there for her. I'm sorry for her loss.
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mjsmom2010
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 12:25 AM

Thanks, its just really hard watching her have to go through this! We talked for about an hour on the phone and all i could do was cry with her.

dmarie2101
by Ruby Member on Aug. 6, 2012 at 12:29 AM

thats so sad. was it sudden?

my best guess would be that the people trying to get her to move on think its what would be best for her, but arent taking into consideration that he was her *husband*...not a friend from hs, or a coworker, but someone she shared her life and a name with. just keep doing what youre doing...be there for her when she needs to talk, or cry, or whatever. she will move on eventually, but in her own time. maybe mention that to your family.

mjsmom2010
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 12:32 AM


Quoting dmarie2101:

thats so sad. was it sudden?

my best guess would be that the people trying to get her to move on think its what would be best for her, but arent taking into consideration that he was her *husband*...not a friend from hs, or a coworker, but someone she shared her life and a name with. just keep doing what youre doing...be there for her when she needs to talk, or cry, or whatever. she will move on eventually, but in her own time. maybe mention that to your family.

He  was doing roofing work and fell 18 ft head first off a skylight.  He was on a ventilator for a month and in a coma and they took him off and he lasted a week.   There daughter just turned 1 a couple of weeks ago

Johariz
by Platinum Member on Aug. 6, 2012 at 12:34 AM
Shoot, my mom died almost two years ago and i'm still not 'over it'. The pain lessens with time. Just be there for her when she needs to talk. If she wants to talk about him, then let her talk about him. If she needs to cry, be that shoulder she can cry on.
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cjsix
by Platinum Member on Aug. 6, 2012 at 12:53 AM

 

Quoting mjsmom2010:

Thanks, its just really hard watching her have to go through this! We talked for about an hour on the phone and all i could do was cry with her.

 huggingHugs Momma. I know it's hard and it's going to be because you are also grieving and you're dealing with the sorrow of watching someone you love whose heart is broken. What you did tonight is exactly the right thing to do. Let her know you are there for her no matter what and no matter when...even 3am if you can. I'm so sorry that you are both going through this right now. She is so very young to have lost her husband. I am guessing you are very young too. She needs to be allowed to go through the stages of grief in the way that God is leading her. I just thought of something that may help...she has a very little one you said. How about if she puts together a scrapbook with pictures of him(maybe she can get some from his family of when he was little) and write her memories and ask other family and friends to write stories and memories of him. She could put all of these together and then she will have them it look at and read through and to share with their little one as they grow up. Keeping a journal right now may also help her. She can write about when they met,married,found out about the baby...about the baby now,how she is feeling each day...

opal10161973
by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 12:57 AM

Aww.  You guys are so great with the advice, I don't have anything more to add, except my sympathies. 

Be strong for her and let her have someone to talk to.  That is all you can do, and honestly, the best thing you can do. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Aug. 6, 2012 at 1:00 AM
1 mom liked this

WOW! REALLY? Ppl 'expecting' her to be 'over' losing her DH after he's only been gone for one month?? That is totally wrong! A month is nowhere near long enough to go thru the grieving process at all! You are an awesome cousin to be there for her and I'm sure she really appreciates you! Thankfully, you are not on the 'get over him being gone already' bandwagon. I know a young lady whose DH killed himself! He was only in his early 20's--leaving her and their infant DD behind! :  (  He did not leave behind any type of suicide note or anything. He did have antidepressants, as depression runs in his family. He refused to take the antidepressants. This was a couple of years ago, and she still misses him so much. It also doesn't help that SHE was the one who found him! He hanged himself in her parents garage!  :  (  I will pray for your cousin. I hope things get better for her soon. Again--thank you so much for being there for her when she obviously needs someone so very much.

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