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My SD called me Mom. Help?

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Hey there dolls! My name is Lauren and I am a soon to be SM, to a 5 year old SD. I am in love with both my soon to be DH and SD. I just want to have at least a little clarity on how to handle certain situations before we get married and become a family. For the most part we have it pretty easy. The BM moved to Los Angeles (about an hour and a half away) almost 2 years ago and she seeing my SD about 3 times a month. She also does not spend time with her when she does visit, she barely even calls to say hi to her unless my soon to be DH tells her to. Not even on Mothers Day not 1 Mothers Day EVER! It hurts me for my SD she is so perfect and sweet, I miss her when she goes to school!!! Still, in no way try to take her BM place or be her BM. I am Lauren I am her step momma and I love being that for her. 

Ok so now that I got a little background story for ya'll here is my dilemma. About a month ago the BM's mom (who I get along with VERY well, and love) came to me and said she didn't know how to feel about my SD calling me mommy. I was really caught off gaurd. My SD, close to never calls me mommy or momma and when she does its because she wants something or I think it just slips out like a "Goodnight Momma" thing at night every once in a while. I have always been Lauren.. So apparently when she talks to her BM's mom about her "Mommy" or "Momma" she has been talking about me. Obviously this was awkward to hear her daughters daughter call some other woman Mom.. She said she didnt want to correct her or make her feel badly but she still felt bad for her daughter. I totally agree with her and in no way would I want to hurt anyones feelings, I also dont want to make a sweet innocent baby feel bad for calling me what she wants to. Shit, if she wanted to call my lambchop I wouldnt object.

Here is how I am feeling... Her calling me that makes me feel special and not uncomfortable until I think about how I would feel if my child called some other woman mom.. My SD is my only child and yes, I refer to her as my daughter. I want her to know that she is loved by me like she is my own. I had a SM growing up who made me feel VERY insignifficant and I would never do that to my SD.. 

SO PLEASE HELP ME! Should I feel badly and tell her no, or let it go? So far only the irregular "Momma look!" or "I love you Momma" as for now... I dont know how to handle this HELP ME

LOVE, Lauren

by on Aug. 9, 2012 at 11:44 PM
Replies (61-62):
by Anonymous 11 on Aug. 11, 2012 at 10:48 AM

Let her call you whatever she wants.

my son will call my BF by his name when we're at the home... but when DS is talking to other people, or his friends, or he's introducing who my BF is- then he'll refer to my BF as 'my dad/step dad'... we arent even engaged, but he's been involved for almost 4 years where his bio-dad was only involved for a month. every time DS went to visit his bio-dad, he'd cry, wanting to see my BF.

very rarely will DS really call BF 'dad/daddy' to his face, and like you, it'll come out on accident, but its never corrected. I did have a talk with him about the differences of his dad's (that even though his 'real' dad is his bio dad, that BF is also a 'real dad' b/c he's here for DS whenever he needs him, wants him, etc). maybe dad should talk with his daughter about it, just to clarify that its okay to call you momma, that she'll always have her biological one, and she'll always have you.

i'd also talk with the mom-- yea, i understand that it'd be uncomfortable for your granddaughter to call another woman mom, but actions are louder than words. what actions is mom doing, to show that she loves her daughter? right now, you are there for your SD, she sees you as her mother.

by Silver Member on Aug. 11, 2012 at 11:36 AM

I'm assuming there was some big old hullaballoo going on and people are freaking out about the terms Mommy and Daddy and who takes care of who and whatever....I read the OP and nothing else, to be honest.  I don't intend to go back and comb over pages and pages of judgmental bullshit.

Bottom line is this:  IT WILL BE DIFFERENT FOR EVERY SITUATION.....As long as (in your heart of hearts) you are doing what you feel is RIGHT BY THE CHILD, the rest is all bullshit.  I don't care what my stepkids call me as long as I can have a nurturing and positive relationship with THEM.  I do what I FEEL is right and I consider how I WOULD FEEL if someone did it to me.  It's the way I am and the way I was raised.  I could care one fuck less if anyone else agrees with me. LOL....It left my youngest SKs with a sense that I loved them, no confusion, and that was the ultimate goal.

Quoting ashleigh1001:

Right on Sister! Thats what I'm sayin'! Whatever Princess wants I'm all about it! Im sick of the all day everyday anxiety over this kind of stuff. Especially since the BM is always kissing my butt trying to be BFF and shit and doesn't care and its her mother who has anissue. I say quit being so political and lets just be on team Babygirl! Shes number one weirdos not you not anyone else!

Quoting Dontchawishuknu:

My DH has young triplets from his previous marriage.  Their BM is constantly trying to drive the point home that the kids have to call their stepfather "Daddy"....long story, no point in going into it....When the kids visited here, they asked if because their mommy was married to their stepdad and they called him "Daddy", if that meant that since I was married to their Daddy, they should call me "Mommy"....

I told them that, while them calling me Mom would be a very nice thing, it was important for them to understand that they have a Mommy and that name was reserved for the person who gave birth to them.  BUT I told them if they wanted to call me something other than my name, they could come up with a name for me.....That could always be an option.  The kids were 5 when we had that talk and they understood.  You're not making her feel bad, you're offering her an alternative.

To this day I am Purple Monkey Head or Mimi, whichever....and it's a name I wear proudly. LOL....

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