Considering an affair *EDIT*
- 33 Replies
Df and I are at eachother's throats. We constantly fight. He told me that other day that at this point he knows both of us are just in this for our boys. And I have to agree. We never kiss. Only peck. Haven't had sex since Easter. Never spend time together. It just sucks. I feel miserable in my life right now with him. Financially it wouldn't be smart to leave him bc I would hate to mess him up money wise. Also it would make things a little tight for me as well. When we do spend time together it's like we are just friends watching a movie. Anyways me ex called me recently. This is THE ex. You know the 1st love, 1st kiss, took my virginity. Just 1st everything. He wants to meet for lunch to catch up and I know I could take it farther if I wanted to but I feel guilty thinking about it. I just needed to get that out. I'm sure I will get bashed and that's fine. And also I have NEVER cheated on anyone before.
EDIT: Everyone keeps telling me to get a divorce. I can't do that bc I am not married.
So get a divorce rather then sit and contemplate cheating. If you cheat you are only showing everyone that you lack morals and self esteem.
Go get some marriage counseling or something another person isn't going to do anything but complicate things.
Coming from experience, make up your mind where you want this relationship to go first.
If you truly want out of this relationship, then make that known BEFORE you do anything with the ex.
If you're not sure, then wait.
You might feel like you want out right now because you've hit a rough patch, and that could change later. Trust me, I know. I've been there.
Last year, I thought I wanted out of my marriage, but I didn't want to hurt my husband. I didn't want to tear my family apart, and I knew I couldn't make it on my own yet financially (I was in school). I also knew that I could get away with an affair, so when the opportunity presented itself (an old fling got in touch with me, I didn't seek him out), I took it.
Earlier this year, I cut all contact with my affair. I started therapy. I got on meds (I have an issue with depression). Last weekend, I told my husband about the affair. At that point, I still wasn't sure whether I wanted the marriage to work or not. He wanted the marriage to work, so I agreed to try. Monday, in a "you can't make this kind of stuff up" kind of bad coincidence, I had a missed call on my phone. I did a reverse number lookup to see who it was. It was a divorce lawyer. My heart shattered. In that instant, I knew that I really did want the marriage to work, and in that instant, I "knew" that I had ruined it by having the affair. Well...turns out, it was a wrong number, my husband never called a divorce lawyer. We are now working on our marriage, and he is going to start coming to counseling with me.
It might work out for me (I hope), but it doesn't usually. Still, it's the ONLY thing in my life I have ever regretted.
Well we aren't married. We got back together bc of our oldest. We were separated until he was 2 bc of all kinds of reasons. It was great for awhile and then went downhill. He refuses counseling. Said that he is who he is and if I don't like I know where the door is. I could leave my ex alone but I don't know if I want to is the issue. We split up bc his family moved to California and by the time he moved back I had had a baby with my now DF...
Quoting Anonymous:Well we aren't married. We got back together bc of our oldest. We were separated until he was 2 bc of all kinds of reasons. It was great for awhile and then went downhill. He refuses counseling. Said that he is who he is and if I don't like I know where the door is. I could leave my ex alone but I don't know if I want to is the issue. We split up bc his family moved to California and by the time he moved back I had had a baby with my now DF...
All the better that you aren't married! I would still recommend going to counseling (even alone). If anything it could give you the strength you need to leave your DF for good. He sounds like he doesn't want to work on the relationship anyway. Ugh I'm sorry, I've been in a similar situation so I'm not judging you, I just don't want you to do something you'll regret later... But idk girl it's your life, you live it...
Ok 1st. You gotta make sure. I am having this affair and ironically it was the affair that made me sure. Not the person I am having the affair with, but the fact that I can have it.
Once you decide that you do want to leave I'll give you the advice my mom told me. She said don't tell him. She said get a job ( Luckily I graduate from college next week) and save up money for a few months. She said plan to move around Jan 1. That gives you enough time to save up money for everything that you need.
If he is giving you money, start taking less and less. When you do break up try to make it as amicable as possible. My dude isn't my kids father, but I know he will still want to be in their life so I will probably move somewhere that isn't too far from him so he can see them on a regular basis.
Then I plan to be alone for the next few years. Its time to focus on my career and my kids. I may have a "friend" but they won't meet the kids and etc.
I hope this helps = ) Just take it 1 day at time. And really be sure you are done with this relationship, before you cheat. then make sure you don't get caught if you do! lol
Quoting Anonymous:
I can see us together but I don't see it being happy. I see it being suffocating. So I guess No I really don't.
Quoting Anonymous:
I guess my question is do you want to be with him? The boyfriend ( not the ex) That's the 1st question.
Why don't you sit down with him and have a talk. Talk about how your needs aren't being met (since Easter.. jesus!) and he's human so I imagine he's feeling it too. Maybe discuss opening your relationship? You can both get the release you need and have a little freedom. Maybe that would help with the guilt for you as well. Neither of you should mind very much, if you're pretty much only there for the kids at this point. Anything's worth a try, right??
At what age should I tell my son dh is not his bio dad?