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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Do I have the right to be upset?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Ok so today is my oldest son's birthday he turns 13!!!!

Well my issue is this....Last month was my other son's (11) birthday and for his birthday my parents bought him a brand new scooter ($40) even though he already had a new scooter....A movie ($15) and gave him $25 in a card....So all together they spent $80 on him.....

As I said today is my oldest son's birthday and all they gave him was $15 in a card....My oldest said something to me about it and asked why they favored his brother and did  so much for him then they did for him on his birthday...

I told him I didn't know, and that is was probably because his brother was younger...My son then said "well i can see them not buying me presents like they did for my brother, but I thought they would at least give me $25 in a card like they did for him especially since I am older and have things I need to buy for school....(he has a trip he goes on the third week of school and needs special things for this trip (it is a school a trip) and since money is tight he has been doing odd jobs here and there to buy what he needs for this trip...

I am a little upset that they always spoil my younger son and then don't do as much for my older son or my youngest child (she is a girl)...

For example...They bought my younger son 4 outfits for school plus shoes, but bought nothing for my other two for school even though they were the ones that are in desperate need of school clothes, my younger son must have 10 pairs of pants and close to 30 if not more shirts for school this year (not counting what my parents bought him), while my other two has 2 pairs of pants and 3 shirts... (they will have more I am taking part of my mortgage money this weekend to get them more, they grew so much over the summer they out grew basically everything in their closest)

****EDIT****My son did appreciate the thought, he called them immediately and said thank you...He would never say anything to my parents about how it made him feel, however both him and my youngest child notice that my middle child is being favored by them in more ways then one...I just think they need to treat the kids equally and be fair and not do more for one then the other...The only reason i know the price of things is because my parents tell me

Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 23, 2012 at 9:46 AM
Replies (11-20):
luckysevenwow
by Ruby Member on Aug. 23, 2012 at 10:01 AM

I'd just ask.

My MIL is prone to that, but it's never any one kid. One year one might get more then the other and then the following year it might be another kid. In your case though it is clear who is the favorite. I'd ask.

inkedmommy1414
by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 10:02 AM
I would def. tell them. and tell them u appreciate what the do for ds but the other children are noticing and its starting annomosity in the house. sorry ur going threw that
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hehehe
by Bronze Member on Aug. 23, 2012 at 10:02 AM

I teach my children to be grateful for what they have and what they get...not to be disappointed about what they DIDN'T get. I wouldn't be upset (visibly), but I would have that child ask them why they favor the other child.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Aug. 23, 2012 at 10:03 AM

but they need to be fair they can't do so much for one and so little for another....My son has never said anything to them ever he has always kept his mouth shut and has always said thank you immediately or has sent them a thank you card...My parents do not know how he feels because he is not one to say something to someone....

Quoting Anonymous:

I know.  And how awkward that they would feel that they have to explain their gift-giving choices when really, they owe no one an explanation. 
Hey, maybe they don't like him because he thinks he's entitled to things like gifts and they're trying to teach him differently ...  

Quoting Anonymous:

The only reason I have not brought it up to them yet is because they will make excuse after excuse  why they do what they do.....I think I might have to now though because my oldest has said in the past he don't like them because of the favortism

Quoting edelweiss23:

Bring it up with them. Tell them that your other children have started to notice.




nellyb118
by Gold Member on Aug. 23, 2012 at 10:03 AM
First of all I'd be pissed at your parents, favoritism is very hurtful & they are to old to act that immature. Tell them they have to be fair or don't bother.
Next you should tell ds that he should be grateful for the gift he got & not worry about what other people get...teach him to be thankful if it's $1 or $100.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 23, 2012 at 10:03 AM

I agree completely.  And honestly, if one of my 3 children ever decided that they should be getting or complained because they were expecting more, I would immediately take and return whatever they had been given - they didn't appreciate it anyway. 

Quoting Anonymous:

You should be upset.  Your family - your immediate family - adds up price tags instead of appreciating gifts.  Yes, that would upset me.  I would also be upset by the one claiming that he thinks they should at least give him $25 because he "heeds things" .... jesus christ. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Aug. 23, 2012 at 10:05 AM

see if it was like that I don't think he would care and I know i wou;ldn't care, but this is always the way it is....last year for christmas she spent 150 on my younger son and spent only 50 on my other two (I know this because she likes to tell me how much she spends)

Quoting luckysevenwow:

I'd just ask.

My MIL is prone to that, but it's never any one kid. One year one might get more then the other and then the following year it might be another kid. In your case though it is clear who is the favorite. I'd ask.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 23, 2012 at 10:06 AM

No, they don't.  They don't need to add up what they're spending to make it equal.  They need to give gifts as they see fit.  Giving is their choice. They can give gifts however they'd like to give - gifts are not an obligation, nor are they subject to the monetary requirements of the recipients. 

Good parents teach their chldren to be thankful when someone does something kind for them, not to measure what was done for them with what was done for another, compare, and complain. 

Quoting Anonymous:

but they need to be fair they can't do so much for one and so little for another....My son has never said anything to them ever he has always kept his mouth shut and has always said thank you immediately or has sent them a thank you card...My parents do not know how he feels because he is not one to say something to someone....

Quoting Anonymous:

I know.  And how awkward that they would feel that they have to explain their gift-giving choices when really, they owe no one an explanation. 
Hey, maybe they don't like him because he thinks he's entitled to things like gifts and they're trying to teach him differently ...  

Quoting Anonymous:

The only reason I have not brought it up to them yet is because they will make excuse after excuse  why they do what they do.....I think I might have to now though because my oldest has said in the past he don't like them because of the favortism

Quoting edelweiss23:

Bring it up with them. Tell them that your other children have started to notice.





Crazy-Steph
by Ruby Member on Aug. 23, 2012 at 10:06 AM
5 moms liked this

I swear to God some of you women just...amaze me.  Calling a 13 year old ingrateful, and saying he doesn't deserve the same as his siblings.  Ugh.  He is a 13 year old child for goodness sake.  And then one of you even saying maybe his grandparents don't like him?  Unbelievable.

OP - to me, at this point, I would have to ask them to just not buy any gifts for the kids.  If they don't want to do for all, that is fine and their right.  But don't do for any.

MrsJHoward
by Gold Member on Aug. 23, 2012 at 10:07 AM
Um no! It should be equal among all the kids. He has every right to be upset that grandma and grandpa doesn't do the same things for him as his brother.

OP I've had this issue before, I finally said if you can't do the same for then do nothing for all. Gifts will be sent back if they are not equal.


Quoting Anonymous:

You should be upset.  Your family - your immediate family - adds up price tags instead of appreciating gifts.  Yes, that would upset me.  I would also be upset by the one claiming that he thinks they should at least give him $25 because he "heeds things" .... jesus christ. 

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