I can't believe I'm admitting this! Disgusting confession! **WARNING! ~~EDIT~~
Posted by Anonymous
- 195 Replies
6 moms liked this
After giving birth to my oldest child, I had stitches from one hole to the next. I was terrified of tearing the incision, so I refused to go poop. The nurses kept bringing me laxatives & kept me in the hospital refusing to let me leave until I had a bowel movement into the catcher bowl that they had in the toilet. I told them for 3 days straight that I didn't have to poop, but they wouldn't let me leave. While taking a shower in the hospital bathroom on day 3, I thought I had to fart & pushed. Poop sprayed the walls & floor of the shower, along with a giant pile of loose poop by the drain.
I cleaned up the mess by spraying the walls with the sprayer, but left the pile of poop, hoping I could find a way to scoop it into the toilet bowl catcher thingy. I stared at it for a minute, thinking how this pile of shit was my ticket home, as I heard the nurse knock on the bathroom door & open it. She asked if I was ok & if I needed anything. In a panic, I squished the poop under my foot & down into the drain. The nurse didn't notice & left quickly.
All I could think was how I'd be stuck in the hospital for another damn day, while my body prepared to have another bowel movement. I just wanted to go home!
When I got out of the shower, DH noticed I looked upset & asked the nurse if he could take me on a wheelchair ride in the courtyard outside of the hospital. She said yes.
When we got outside, my favorite nurse ERMA was standing there. We talked for a minute & she headed back inside.
The courtyard was attached to the dog walking park trails. As DH ran inside to get himself a pepsi from the soda machine, I took my plastic hospital booty off & grabbed a pile of dog poop & stuck it in my robe pocket.
As DH walked me back into the door of the hospital, I noticed how strong the stench of poop was & started to panic.
ERMA (the nurse) walked by & in attempt to not embarass me (thinking I had pooped my pants) she took my wheelchair from DH & told him she needed to do an exam on me & he should go to the cafateria & get himself some lunch.
As we walked into my hospital room, I told her I wanted to go to the bathroom alone & shut the door behind me.....
Just as I was taking the poop out of the hospital booty, Erma opened the bathroom door.....
I locked eyes with her, knowing that she realized what I was doing & screamed......
"ERMAHGERD!"
EDIT~
She replied: "How did you know my last name was GERD?"
*BadumpBumpTSHhhhh*
I cleaned up the mess by spraying the walls with the sprayer, but left the pile of poop, hoping I could find a way to scoop it into the toilet bowl catcher thingy. I stared at it for a minute, thinking how this pile of shit was my ticket home, as I heard the nurse knock on the bathroom door & open it. She asked if I was ok & if I needed anything. In a panic, I squished the poop under my foot & down into the drain. The nurse didn't notice & left quickly.
All I could think was how I'd be stuck in the hospital for another damn day, while my body prepared to have another bowel movement. I just wanted to go home!
When I got out of the shower, DH noticed I looked upset & asked the nurse if he could take me on a wheelchair ride in the courtyard outside of the hospital. She said yes.
When we got outside, my favorite nurse ERMA was standing there. We talked for a minute & she headed back inside.
The courtyard was attached to the dog walking park trails. As DH ran inside to get himself a pepsi from the soda machine, I took my plastic hospital booty off & grabbed a pile of dog poop & stuck it in my robe pocket.
As DH walked me back into the door of the hospital, I noticed how strong the stench of poop was & started to panic.
ERMA (the nurse) walked by & in attempt to not embarass me (thinking I had pooped my pants) she took my wheelchair from DH & told him she needed to do an exam on me & he should go to the cafateria & get himself some lunch.
As we walked into my hospital room, I told her I wanted to go to the bathroom alone & shut the door behind me.....
Just as I was taking the poop out of the hospital booty, Erma opened the bathroom door.....
I locked eyes with her, knowing that she realized what I was doing & screamed......
"ERMAHGERD!"
EDIT~
She replied: "How did you know my last name was GERD?"
*BadumpBumpTSHhhhh*
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 23, 2012 at 1:21 PM
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YAY. hubs is getting a new car .!!!
Thursday at 6:49 PM
by
Platinum Member
on Aug. 23, 2012 at 1:30 PM
right I never haad this problem. I refused the stool softeners an all I didnt even take pain meds afterwards they legally couldnt make me take them an I just told them I was using the potty fine :O)
An I was out in 3 days :O)
by
Bronze Member
on Aug. 23, 2012 at 1:31 PM
LMAO thanks for the laugh. I didnt got till like 2 weeks after delivery.
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Do you ever get hit on even looking a mess?
Why inflict this silly cosmetic pain on a baby!?!