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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Is it possible to revive a dead marriage?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 12 Replies

I feel no passion at all towards my husband.  We've gone through counseling, and he just continues disrespecting me, being dishonest, and talking down to me.  He's gotten a lot better, and I can tell that he is trying (usually) but this has been going on for 8 years.  I'm tired.  I have no sex drive, I feel like I've wasted my life on him, I can't even stand being kissed by him anymore.  Is there any coming back from this or are we just done?  I don't WANT to get divorced, but I'm not happy... and I've put so much into it with nothing back.... and now that I've just "clicked" out it feels like, NOW he tries, and I just can't see myself getting anywhere happy.  We have two kids, and when we're getting along, it's like we're best friends - goofing off, laughing, etc (but still no sex, etc).  So I'm torn.  Advice?

Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 24, 2012 at 1:29 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Christy1919
by on Aug. 24, 2012 at 1:32 AM
Great question. It took years to get where you are at so recovering takes time as well. It's a fake it til you make it situation and only you will know if that is leading somewhere.
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Starburst72
by on Aug. 24, 2012 at 1:33 AM

rekindleing a marriage takes a lot of effort and timeon both spouses part. unless he changes so that intimacy can be achieved again and trust there is little hope. if he is willing to step up and treat you right then you two can work at it. going on dates like a new couple. both of you actively working at getting back trust and intimacy

mommyof11050307
by Platinum Member on Aug. 24, 2012 at 1:35 AM

Not unless you both work on it. It can't be one sided.

CjEmmemommy
by on Aug. 24, 2012 at 1:36 AM
I would try focusing on the good. I notice when I dwell on negative things in any situation, I start having negative feelings that grow.
I have had to try hard to focus on good things and avoid dwelling on negative but it really does help. At first I just want to be angry and feel justified bc I have been wronged but over time my heart softens and if he is really trying you will regrow that love you once had.
Just remember he is human and you will have to give grace, many times I am sure:)
Momniscient
by Ruby Member on Aug. 24, 2012 at 1:36 AM

That is something you have to answer for yourself. Unfortunately you'll get a lot of different viewpoints with no real insight into your own life.

Marriage isn't easy and you should give it every chance you can but at some point there are marriages that will inevitably fail and there is no reason to continue. I know that isn't an answer or advice but no one should be able to sway your decision in this kind of thing KWIM?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 24, 2012 at 1:39 AM
> . <

Wishing death on anyone else this evening?

Quoting Christy1919:

Great question. It took years to get where you are at so recovering takes time as well. It's a fake it til you make it situation and only you will know if that is leading somewhere.
shell3m
by Shell on Aug. 24, 2012 at 1:42 AM

yes it can happen.  I was there honey, I'm not even kidding a  little.  It took 6 months of just "dating".  no touching, no sex.  Just reviewing what we have.  I looked at old pictures of us and our kids and thought about how far we had come and I was honest on how I felt..in a NON bitchy way...lol (which was REALLY hard to do at this point) and he told me how he felt and I didn't take it so personally and things he did I let it slide off my back.  It seemed like everything he did was wrong and he didn't care but in reality he had just givin up as much as i had and when I tried more, he tried more.  Then one day we woke up and he stared rubbing on me and something just came over me and I said...don't touch me and don't move...and I did what i wanted.  I rubbed my hands on him and kissed him everywhere and because he couldn't control the tempo I was able to relax and enjoy what I was doing.  It was a start.  Two weeks later I let him touch me how he wanted and told him what felt good to me and before I knew we finally had sex again.  Now because of 6 months of climbing out of hell WITH HIM instead of without him, we are like we used to be.  I giggle......GIGGLE.  like a freakin' school girl when he picks on me and I pick back.  and when he does his loud smacking kiss on my neck I don't recoil in horror anymore, I actually giggle and flirt  back.  It just take time hun.  If you push it, you'll lose it.  We took 1/2  a year and we are still healing everyday but if you would have told just 3 months ago we would be here I would have called you a lier....lol   Just stay open and honest and don't sweat the small stuff.  I'm truly happy again and I NEVER would have thought that would have been possible.  :)  Message me if you want to talk more hun.  :) 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Aug. 24, 2012 at 1:45 AM

Sounds like you both need a vacation, together that is!! And then try the counseling...... yes in that order lol 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 24, 2012 at 1:48 AM

It's probably not a good thing that I have no desire to "fake it". 

Quoting Christy1919:

Great question. It took years to get where you are at so recovering takes time as well. It's a fake it til you make it situation and only you will know if that is leading somewhere.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 24, 2012 at 1:51 AM

Finances don't allow for the vacation thing, we didn't even get the honeymoon.  I'd like to do that, escape a bit.  Maybe see if it helps. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Sounds like you both need a vacation, together that is!! And then try the counseling...... yes in that order lol 


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