My DH wants to give our daughter up to foster care. *Update*
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Thank you for all the responses and for the good advice. For people who do not bother to read the replies to find out what is going on in our house I am putting it in here. But I did have a talk to DH and he was saying it out of frustration and sadness. He does not want to give up on his daughter, and neither do I. He was just angry at the time and didn't know how else to respond.
1. I have MS and have been in and out of hospital for 6 months. I have a permanent carer who is with me during the day, and DH takes care of me during the night. He is also responsible for the kids when he is home as he works a part time job.
2. Grandma was living with us at one point to help take care of me, but has now moved out of the house. She was with us for nearly a year. Her brother also just started school this year and she has no other playmates. DH sometimes get frustrated with so much he has to take care of too. I believe she can see it and it puts a lot of tension on the whole household.
3. We had already taken her a doctor two - three months ago for the behavioural and potty training problems. At the time he said it was typical for a kid to act out like that at this age, and gave advice about potty training and discipline techniques. None of them have worked so far.
4. I'm not sure about the sexual abuse comments. DH is hardly ever alone with DD and no other adult besides my Carer and Mother go near her. It was also the same in the past as well. But I won't rule it out.
5. I love my daughter and I would go to the ends of the earth to get the help that she needs. For the people who think I am a bad parent (AND HAVE SAID IT CLEARLY IN THIS THREAD) take a walk in my shoes. Or should I say my wheelchair. I can hardly walk and have to use a cain when I do move. I don't believe any of my behaviour is to blame for the way she is. But sure, my medical issues wouldn't help at all. Because of that I do feel bad, but I am not going to let anyone rip me down.
SHE HAS AN APPOINTMENT TO SEE A PEDI COUNSELLOR NEXT FRIDAY. THE WHOLE FAMILY WILL BE GOING.
My DD is 4 years old, and for a long time now she has been having a lot of behavioural problems. The last year she seems to be sliding backwards, not going forward. She never listens to anything her Dad or I tell her, always misbehaves and takes her anger out on everyone in the family. She is cruel to our cat, beats up her older brother and never follows any type of instructions. She says no to EVERYTHING. When we sit down and talk to her about right and wrong, all she says is that she is ANGRY.
We potty trained her when she was 2 and she took a step backward a few months ago. She became scared of doing anything in the toilet, and would use any type of excuse to not sit on it. She will now do #1s but will deliberately poop herself in her pants. Yesterday was the tip of the iceberg for DH. I had told DD to come and tell me when she felt business coming out of her bottom, and I check with her every couple of hours to make sure she doesn't want to do one. But DS came in to me yesterday afternoon while they were playing in the yard, and told me that she had pooped her pants; then put her hands down her pants to remove it before throwing it over the back fence (there is a playground there). I was absolutely SHOCKED. I called her inside and asked her what she had done. She lied and said she had gone to the toilet to do a poop, DH went over to the playground with our dogs pooper scooper and found it on the other side. All night I tried to talk to her without getting angry or upset, but it is becoming too much.
DH ended up flying off the handle, and putting her to bed without any dinner. He honestly believes she needs mental evaluation (for the anger issues, lashing out, hurting the cat and hitting her brother). He can't handle it anymore and wants to put her into foster care until her behaviour improves. I'm devastated he would say something like that. I AM making an appointment to see a pediatric counsellor and doctor on Monday. But he doesn't think that will help. What do you guys think?
being someone that spends a good deal of time in a wheelchair myself and uses a cane, I do have a good understanding what that is all like.
I still wonder how much you and your husband put yourself in your daughter's shoes. what it's like for her. I still think you both sound like people that perhaps don't have the patience she needs.
it's easy to get so wrapped up in your own struggles and having to deal with all that you face without realizing that this is all you talk about. it's easy to assume that others would just know how much they are loved & not realize how little they actually hear it.
I grew up in a house like that. I was told I was loved, but I heard continuously how hard it was for my parents, how bad I could have had it, and that I really had no clue how lucky I was to be blessed with people as wonderful as they were considering all they had to deal with.do you ever stop to think that may you and your hubby are like that? how is a child supposed to deal with it all?
much as I love my parents and they were good people. I didn't feel so lucky then and I still agree with that. I now live a much more peaceful life and cherish being able to go about my day without hearing the seemingly constant sound of my mother's upset voice. no matter how justified she may have been to be stressed and upset, it wasn't my fault!
I think my husband's a sociopath