I have been assessing the people that are present in my life and have come to this conclusion. Here are a few examples:
Friend 1 --I am supposed to be meeting with a friend this evening for dinner. But when I got up this morning I realized that I do not feel like listening to her endless chatter about some guy that's been in her life now for about a year. This is how our conversations normally go. I listen, making minimal comments and at the end o fthe conversation she says "so's how's your family doing?" By then I'm too exhausted listening to her to go into any details about how we are doing.
Friend 2 -- Her kids are always yelling in the background when I try catching up with her to make matters worse, she's always interrupting our conversations. It's annoying and rude. So I don't really talk to her anymore. And she repeated somethings that I told her about work to someone that could get me fired.
Friend 3 -- Our conversations are always about work (we are in the same field). She's forever complaining about where she works. She's a very nice person, sometimes I would just like to know how she is doing outside of all the work drama. It takes too much energy to keep the conversations off of work with her though.
That's enough. I just think that I'm at a point in my life where I need to talk to people that I haven't known that long. Maybe my current relationships are just boring. I don't know. What do you think?
Quoting LovelyJay512:
I have only one best friend and we talk about everything. I don't want new friends now due to this loyalty and respect issue people seem to have.
Yes, those are two very important elements towards having a good and stable relationship. I can't take onesided relationships anymore. There's too much work involved in being in an unfulfilling relationship.
I went through the same realization last year with the people in my life. I think you are as good as the company you keep, and the company I was keeping...I wasn't impressed. I had come to the conclusion that most of the people that were my "friends" usually only wanted something from me. They were nowhere to be found when I wanted to go out for coffee or something.
I have almost gotten to a point where I want to put in place a one strike and you're out kind of deal. Because I am known for giving second and sometimes third chances and it never works in my favor. So for now I am pretty much friendless and that is ok with me for now because I would rather be true to who I am than be fake to keep fake friends. I am lonely but I have my sense of self intact.
This sounds like generic mom advice, but just put yourself out there on meetup.com or whatever you can do to put yourself into the social environment you want to be in. I wish there was a specific formula for making friends but it can be quite a puzzle sometimes.
Quoting JadsW:
I can relate. But, instead of ditching the few friends I have, I sometimes just take a long break from them. I "fall off the planet" for a month or so, just to give myself time to reflect and evaluate. Everybody has shit about them that you're not going to like or that's annoying. Everybody. You just have to decide if that particular person's shit is worth putting up with for the friendship you get in return, KWIM? I suggest a break to evaluate the relationships you have. That's my 2 cents.
Good advice. I think that is what I am going to do with the 3 friends I've mentioned. I need to just read a really good book. That will help me take my myind off of all of this I'm sure.
I'm like you. I give many chances and I really do try to understand where people are coming from, but this is just not working anymore. I can't keep giving and getting nothing in return like this. It's exhausting. I need to get back to who I am and what I like to do. I know all about that meetup.com website. I think this time I will approach it differently. I love to read, maybe I will look for a bookclub in my area.
Thanks so much for the advice.
Quoting TugBoatMama:
I went through the same realization last year with the people in my life. I think you are as good as the company you keep, and the company I was keeping...I wasn't impressed. I had come to the conclusion that most of the people that were my "friends" usually only wanted something from me. They were nowhere to be found when I wanted to go out for coffee or something.
I have almost gotten to a point where I want to put in place a one strike and you're out kind of deal. Because I am known for giving second and sometimes third chances and it never works in my favor. So for now I am pretty much friendless and that is ok with me for now because I would rather be true to who I am than be fake to keep fake friends. I am lonely but I have my sense of self intact.
This sounds like generic mom advice, but just put yourself out there on meetup.com or whatever you can do to put yourself into the social environment you want to be in. I wish there was a specific formula for making friends but it can be quite a puzzle sometimes.
Quoting Anonymous:
Quoting LovelyJay512:
I have only one best friend and we talk about everything. I don't want new friends now due to this loyalty and respect issue people seem to have.
Yes, those are two very important elements towards having a good and stable relationship. I can't take onesided relationships anymore. There's too much work involved in being in an unfulfilling relationship.
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