Hey. My name is Lisa. I have a little girl about to turn one on September 11th. Let me tell you some back story before I tell you my real reason for resorting to to the hellpits of bashville for my confession. I am a stay at home mom right now and have been since my daughter was born. Me , my boyfriend/ father of my child , and my daughter were living in this pretty small two bedroom. At first it was ok after the baby was born then lets say his name is *Alex( my bf) started always being an asshole to me all the time doing borderline abusive shit to me and just making my self esteem plummet. He also confessed to talking shit about me behind my back the whole time we were together ( two years on september 6th, his bday) and all kinds of wierd fucking shit. I was in hell for over a year. The house was my prison. I have friends who dont have kids , a few of them do, but most of them dont. There is about maybe ten ppl in my friends little group. I have had three of these friends since high school, three of them are my cousins and one of them, the subject of my confession, is a friend of my cousins.
So my bf tells me he doesnt love me anymore and his aunt/ our landlord decides to come to our house shove me twice, once while holding my child, she shoved my dad and highly illegally evicted me from the house . Cops were even called.Me abd * Alex dont talk for a week. So im single.
My friends and I ( even the ones with kids) we drink on the weekends when we have babysitters ( yes i pay someone to watch my child while i go to my friends house and drink, go ahead start talkin shit). This friend of my cousins. He is seventeen ( which before any of you start saying anything about underage in my state 17 is legal age) . His name is Robert. One night that week i went over to my cousins house. At first i just asked him to cuddle with me because I was so used to having someone beside me for two years everynight i couldnt sleep. We were drunk. We did stuff. But we did not have sex. We didnt even kiss. But we did other stuff.
So at the end of the week Alex comes to see the baby. We are sitting out on the front porch and we talked for five hours. Then out of nowhere Robert walks by. I took it as a sign that if me and Alex were going to work things out and be truthful with each other i might as well go ahead and tell him about me and robert.
I do and Alex is disappointed ( granted i did know he cheated on me and apparently had a gf the day after we broke up).But Alex didnt know that Robert is the one i think about every night. Now everytime we go around Robert it is awkward. Alex blew up at Robert at my bday party and my best friend punched Alex in the mouth. Yet i still think about Robert. Im 20 damn years old I should not be thinking about this seventeen year old like this . His mentality age is the same as mine. Alex thinks Robert has feelings for me but i dont think he does. Alex wanted me to set Robert straight and tell him me and Alex were working things out and to make sure Robert didnt have any feelings. To be honest i am so used to guys just making anything sexual or emotional meaning nothing so I automatically thought Robert thought what happened between us was nothing. So i spend the night talking to him and we never talk about what we originally needed to talk about but this kid has such a wall built up. HIs mama ( not his bio mom she is a crack whore) but his real mama died a couple years ago on my cousins bday his dad kicked him out he has been lving basically on his own since and the damn dps wont give him an id unless he has all sorts of paperwork that a kid like him is not going to have so he cant work. This is a really depressed guy that is livng inside a steel plated cement walled block. But i still to this very moment do not believe he feels anything for me.
He keeps sending mixed signals to me and it reminds me of being in high school because thats the only time i ever remember trying to decode a guys signals this much. LIke i made a comment to my bestie about her just missin this hot guy riding his skateboard down the street. Robert looked at me said " really" like he was bothered by my comment and then started being snippy with me the rest of the day. Just little shit like that. Then two nights ago. My dads girlfriend gave me half a xanax and then i decided to drink beer. Shit it made my abcess tooth pain go away . We go to my friends house again. We smoke k2 that potpourri shit. i was talking to my bestie about how im not in love with Alex anymore but i dont know what to do because i dont have a job or a place to live , Robert is just sitting over here gesturing towards himself like he is trying to tell me it will be ok because he got me basically how would he ever have me if he doesnt have a job? I blacked out and Alex told me that right before i left i went inside and hugged the hell out of Robert and he walked in on us and said Robert had his eyes closed and his head on top of mine in a real ass hug ( i know yall know that kind of hug) and then when Robert noticed Alex there he he dropped one arm trying not to make it look so bad. Alex said he knows he saw feelings in that hug. I don t think he has any feelings for me. So does all my friends. They say he doesnt want me like that.But why the hell is this nigga acting so wierd? Dont you think if he didnt want me he would quit all this shit by now and go chase other girls?
I know alot of this may sound immature to some women of older age , I feel really wierd having an infatuation of a seventeen year old. He is very handsome. That really does not help. So basically in a nut shell my confession is this:
I have fallin in love with a seventeen year old who keeps sending me mixed signals, but i am trying to work things out with my babys father. I have not cheated on * Alex with Robert. Ok long story over , now tell me your thoughts! Any name calling and your comment will be removed so dont even waste your time :)