infertile and raped

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine was raped and got pregnant. She had been undergoing fertility treatments. Would you keep the baby if you were in her shoes? I don't know what id do

[amy31308]

I think it takes an extremely strong woman to choose adoption. Not every woman could do it although I wish they could instead of abortion.

Quoting Anonymous:

But think of all the people who can't have children whose lives have been blessed by women that do give up for adoption. I don't think its irresponsible at all. And I wouldn't think of having the baby as an obligation to someone else - its completely dependent on how you feel about the baby. 

Quoting rnchelle93:

I'd still have to be pregnant, I'd still have to go through labor and delivery. I have no obligation to give a child to someone who can't have it. I'm not a brood mare. I think its very irresponsible to have a child knowing that you aren't going to be responsible for it. If I decide not to parent, I will abort.

Quoting Anonymous:

Why?

Quoting rnchelle93:

Yes.

Quoting Anonymous:

Is adoption out of the question?

Quoting rnchelle93:

Because I'm pregnant and haven't decided for sure if I will abort or keep it.

Quoting Anonymous:

Why are you on cafemom if you're not a mom, and not interested in having kids right now?

Quoting rnchelle93:

In her case, wanting a baby, I don't know. I'm pregnant from rape (no fertility treatments, I do NOT want kids right now, if ever) and I'm considering abortion. No idea how I'd react if I wanted a kid right now.

[Anonymous]

I honestly would keep the baby...but that kind of decision would be different for everyone. :( I'm so sorry for your friend. I hope she is able to make the choice that's right for her (& her DH) and she doesn't regret it.

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

That's whyhe left. For work

Quoting amy31308:

What if he out of town for work? I see this in ttc group a lot. Sometimes you can't control it.

Quoting Anonymous:

 Yep I would keep it sometimes amazing things come from terrible situations and I find it hard to believe her DH was out of town and she was Oing I know it CAN happen but as a woman that has fertility issues and doing treatment there is no way in hell my DH would be out of town and miss the most important days of the cycle treatments so expensive if he was going to be out of town I wouldn't have forked over money for that cycle

[Anonymous]

I am not sure. right now my five year old and said he doesn't want a daddy, I am not 100% sure how he came to that conclusion, though I have some suspects. I live in my parents guest house. He says papa's (what he calls my dad) are good but daddys are bad. My mom came over to america at 8, my aunt (her baby sister) and cousins have all married Europeans, and papa (or a word that sounds like papa) is the common name for dad over there. I know my friends and relatives have all said negative things about his 'dad' around him, when they think he isn't listening and I tell them to stop because he is listening. (I know because that is how I found out about some family secrets growing up, I look like I was playing but I was really listening to the adults and that is what I suspect my son is doing)

I have asked him why he doesn't like daddies and he can't answer me. He says when I get married he is getting another papa. I once said when he asked for a sibling, I said we have to find a daddy first and he said "NO a PAPA!" I have left it at that. I do have  pictures of his father, (he was a childhood friend, I had know he had a crush on me since we were young but we were 25 when I got pregnant) I kept them just in case he ever asked what he looks like, its in the attic of my parents house put away.

I have planned on telling him that is dad was sick and could harm him so I thought it best that he wasn't around. And as he got older address the issues as he asked. I will never directly lie but I will bend the truth for as long as possible. The he is sick is right because any person that would rape someone is mentally ill.

Now in all honestly part of me was hoping to be married before he notices daddies but my ptsd has gotten in the way of me trusting any man. I think I am finally ready to trust someone but overall how things are turning out is fine with me too.

Quoting amy31308:

How do you plan on handling the situation when he asks who his dad is? What if he wanted him part of his life when he got older. Just curious. I hope you're never faced with that though. I'm sorry you went through that.

Quoting Anonymous:

I have pcos and was told I would need to have fertility treatments to get pregnant. I was raped on Sept 8, 2006, my son was born to me on June 15, 2007. I wouldn't change having him for anything in the world. (If I could have him and change how he came...I would but...)

Edit to add: I know the person. My friends threaten his life if he ever went for visitation and I put unknown on the birth certificated

[Anonymous]

no your going to stop an innocent lifes heart from beating so you don't have to be responsible for the baby, or allow someone else to love the baby. You would rather sufficated it with drugs. If you are far enough along to know your pregnant and are on here for as long as it says then your BABY has a heart beat and lungs and will suffer when/if you choose to stop the beating heart of a baby that will give you so much love.

I can understand doing the morning after pill but when you wait and wait and then abort you are sick and deserve to suffer as much as the baby's whose heart you are stopping suffers.

Quoting rnchelle93:

Yup, it is, which is why its a good thing we each get to make our own choices. I find it irresponsible and not something I would or could ever live with. If I'm not going to raise it and be responsible for it, I'm not going to have it.

Quoting Anonymous:

But think of all the people who can't have children whose lives have been blessed by women that do give up for adoption. I don't think its irresponsible at all. And I wouldn't think of having the baby as an obligation to someone else - its completely dependent on how you feel about the baby. 

Quoting rnchelle93:

I'd still have to be pregnant, I'd still have to go through labor and delivery. I have no obligation to give a child to someone who can't have it. I'm not a brood mare. I think its very irresponsible to have a child knowing that you aren't going to be responsible for it. If I decide not to parent, I will abort.

Quoting Anonymous:

Why?

Quoting rnchelle93:

Yes.

Quoting Anonymous:

Is adoption out of the question?

Quoting rnchelle93:

Because I'm pregnant and haven't decided for sure if I will abort or keep it.

Quoting Anonymous:

Why are you on cafemom if you're not a mom, and not interested in having kids right now?

Quoting rnchelle93:

In her case, wanting a baby, I don't know. I'm pregnant from rape (no fertility treatments, I do NOT want kids right now, if ever) and I'm considering abortion. No idea how I'd react if I wanted a kid right now.

[Anonymous]

I agree completely with this.

Quoting amy31308:

I think it takes an extremely strong woman to choose adoption. Not every woman could do it although I wish they could instead of abortion.

Quoting Anonymous:

But think of all the people who can't have children whose lives have been blessed by women that do give up for adoption. I don't think its irresponsible at all. And I wouldn't think of having the baby as an obligation to someone else - its completely dependent on how you feel about the baby. 

Quoting rnchelle93:

I'd still have to be pregnant, I'd still have to go through labor and delivery. I have no obligation to give a child to someone who can't have it. I'm not a brood mare. I think its very irresponsible to have a child knowing that you aren't going to be responsible for it. If I decide not to parent, I will abort.

Quoting Anonymous:

Why?

Quoting rnchelle93:

Yes.

Quoting Anonymous:

Is adoption out of the question?

Quoting rnchelle93:

Because I'm pregnant and haven't decided for sure if I will abort or keep it.

Quoting Anonymous:

Why are you on cafemom if you're not a mom, and not interested in having kids right now?

Quoting rnchelle93:

In her case, wanting a baby, I don't know. I'm pregnant from rape (no fertility treatments, I do NOT want kids right now, if ever) and I'm considering abortion. No idea how I'd react if I wanted a kid right now.

[Anonymous]

So what does your friend's DH say/feel as of now?

[rnchelle93]

No actually, it won't suffer, because the nerves required for pain, and the brain itself, aren't formed at this point. I'm 4 weeks, and if I abort, I'll do it when I can still do the pill abortion. So thanks for saying you don't want me to suffer. And anyone who wishes pain can suffering on another person, they are sick and need help.

Quoting Anonymous:

no your going to stop an innocent lifes heart from beating so you don't have to be responsible for the baby, or allow someone else to love the baby. You would rather sufficated it with drugs. If you are far enough along to know your pregnant and are on here for as long as it says then your BABY has a heart beat and lungs and will suffer when/if you choose to stop the beating heart of a baby that will give you so much love.

I can understand doing the morning after pill but when you wait and wait and then abort you are sick and deserve to suffer as much as the baby's whose heart you are stopping suffers.

Quoting rnchelle93:

Yup, it is, which is why its a good thing we each get to make our own choices. I find it irresponsible and not something I would or could ever live with. If I'm not going to raise it and be responsible for it, I'm not going to have it.

Quoting Anonymous:

But think of all the people who can't have children whose lives have been blessed by women that do give up for adoption. I don't think its irresponsible at all. And I wouldn't think of having the baby as an obligation to someone else - its completely dependent on how you feel about the baby. 

Quoting rnchelle93:

I'd still have to be pregnant, I'd still have to go through labor and delivery. I have no obligation to give a child to someone who can't have it. I'm not a brood mare. I think its very irresponsible to have a child knowing that you aren't going to be responsible for it. If I decide not to parent, I will abort.

Quoting Anonymous:

Why?

Quoting rnchelle93:

Yes.

Quoting Anonymous:

Is adoption out of the question?

Quoting rnchelle93:

Because I'm pregnant and haven't decided for sure if I will abort or keep it.

Quoting Anonymous:

Why are you on cafemom if you're not a mom, and not interested in having kids right now?

Quoting rnchelle93:

In her case, wanting a baby, I don't know. I'm pregnant from rape (no fertility treatments, I do NOT want kids right now, if ever) and I'm considering abortion. No idea how I'd react if I wanted a kid right now.

[Anonymous]

 Like I said I know it can happen but when you are going through something like fertility treatment your world at least for us centers around those freaking 72 hrs you are fertile LOL work is one thing I know some people cant control but when you have been TTC for a while to the point you start treatments the biggest disappointment you can have is missing your fertile days its seriously is heartbreaking and most woman I know that have dealt with this will know what I mean .Out of 25 cycles we have been TTC my Dh has only been out of town 1 time and he travels a lot but we make sure hes home when he needs to be since this is equally important for both of us

Quoting amy31308:

What if he out of town for work? I see this in ttc group a lot. Sometimes you can't control it.

Quoting Anonymous:

 Yep I would keep it sometimes amazing things come from terrible situations and I find it hard to believe her DH was out of town and she was Oing I know it CAN happen but as a woman that has fertility issues and doing treatment there is no way in hell my DH would be out of town and miss the most important days of the cycle treatments so expensive if he was going to be out of town I wouldn't have forked over money for that cycle

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

She was doing artfical insemination due to low sperm count so they skipped a month

Quoting Anonymous:

 Like I said I know it can happen but when you are going through something like fertility treatment your world at least for us centers around those freaking 72 hrs you are fertile LOL work is one thing I know some people cant control but when you have been TTC for a while to the point you start treatments the biggest disappointment you can have is missing your fertile days its seriously is heartbreaking and most woman I know that have dealt with this will know what I mean .Out of 25 cycles we have been TTC my Dh has only been out of town 1 time and he travels a lot but we make sure hes home when he needs to be since this is equally important for both of us

Quoting amy31308:

What if he out of town for work? I see this in ttc group a lot. Sometimes you can't control it.

Quoting Anonymous:

 Yep I would keep it sometimes amazing things come from terrible situations and I find it hard to believe her DH was out of town and she was Oing I know it CAN happen but as a woman that has fertility issues and doing treatment there is no way in hell my DH would be out of town and miss the most important days of the cycle treatments so expensive if he was going to be out of town I wouldn't have forked over money for that cycle