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my husband is abusive in a weird way

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
When we fight he wont let me leave. Blocks the door way and backs me into a corner and I have to physically fight to get away. He's much bigger than me so it really is hard for me to get away at times. He's never hit me and will bring up the fact that I hit him to make me feel guilty. I want to leave but I'm scared!
Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 4, 2012 at 10:59 PM
Replies (131-140):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 17 on Sep. 5, 2012 at 12:38 PM

I said it was DIFFERENT if the hit back in actual defense. She wasn't defending herself. Just hitting him because she was mad he was in her way. Duh...I know there are plenty of abused women who have HAD to fight back.

Quoting MaskedMomma:

 oh hell no!!! I knew for a fact that my (now ex) husband was going to beat me but you can bet your ass that I DID hit him in a fight. Hit, kicked, scratched, clawed, bit, whatever I could do. It's been years but my bruises,broken bones, bumps, and stitches have healed. His face & arms are still scar-ed because of my scratches. If it got him away from me for even a second I did whatever I could. That second was another second I could try and run, hoping I could make it to the door or the window, or hoping that he wouldn't catch me and drag me back inside. (this was of course after the phone was destroyed). He was 6'4, I'm  4'9. I did everything in my power to stop him including fighting back every time that we fought.

 I tried leaving multiple times before I had finally left for good. But he always found me and would force himself into where I was living (cops wouldn't stop him cause we were still legally married) or take all my stuff and drag me to where he was living whether I wanted to go or not. When I finally left for good I moved 7 times in 1 year, didn't tell ANYONE where I lived or how to get ahold of me (which sucks because if I didn't feel isolated enough then I did not being able to speak to anyone out of fear my ex would find me), got a work-at-home job so he couldn't find me at work, and didn't put the kids in daycare or even send them to the sitters. I would drive 3 towns over to do grocery shopping once a month, and ask someone I used to be friends with like 15 years ago to meet me there and walk around the store with me because I was afraid of my ex showing up. Ex didn't give a crap about he restraining order,he's broke it numerous times.Cops didn't do nothing about it either,or the harassment, or any of that.

That's neither here nor there though. What matters is that I eventually did get away from him for good, its been 3 years since that last time, and I'm finally starting to settle into a normal life and I'm not scared anymore. But I have a big ol FUCK YOU for having the audacity to say that a women who truly thought their husband was going to beat her would not be hitting him in a fight! A women who thought he would hit her  WOULD hit him, like I said that can buy enough distraction time to try and get away!!!

Quoting Anonymous:

Any woman who truly thought their husband was going to beat her, would NOT be hitting him in a fight, so I am taking it that she is confident enough that he wasn't going to hit her back if she hit him or else she wouldn't even do it! You are making it sound like she is this poor little victim that is getting treated horribly, when in reality, they are both getting in to an explosive fight. He is yelling in her face and blocking her, and she is getting mad and hitting him. She says she tries to leave during fights. There are women who use that as manipulation and to threaten, so how do you know she isn't doing that to him? If she really wanted to leave, she has plenty of other opportunities to when they are NOT in a huge fight.

Quoting Anonymous:

So your saying her only corse of action would be to cower in the corner, praying he doesn't beat he hell out of her? Fuck that! And fuck off for even hinting that she is wrong for trying to get out of a bad situation. If someone backed you into a corner, screaming in your face...your honestly saying you would stand there and just let them do what ever they wanted to you?

Quoting Anonymous:

Yes, lets talk about abuse, yet call someone a moron. (Verbal abuse). I didn't blame anyone. I think they are both at fault. She isn't the victim. She is the participant. It sounds like their fights get out of control and escalate too far. She is hitting him and he is blocking her. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Um you don't have to hit someone to be abusive. Just like how if a woman says, "no" and a guy forces himself onto a woman and she doesn't physcially fight back it is still RAPE. Why? B/c no means no and when it is clearly implied that someone does not want to do something they should not be forced into it. A woman may be too afraid to fight back that she will get more hurt. Stop being a typical "blame the victim" moron.


Quoting Anonymous:

Well, I will say if a woman blocked her husband and he hit her, he would definitely be called abusive. so...Hitting is physical abuse. If he is not trying to hurt you, then you are not really defending yourself. You're just hitting him because you're mad he is in your face and blocking you. (Which I also think is rude, but not abusive). You both sound toxic!

Quoting Anonymous:

Yes I hit him when he comes and backs me into the corner and yells in my face and acts as a wall when I try to get away from him. I havw every right to defend myself yet I'm abusive?





Quoting Anonymous:

He does not sound abusive. He sounds like he wants you to stay there and not run off every time you fight. Although you just admitted you hit him...







 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 21 on Sep. 5, 2012 at 12:47 PM

It must be nice to live in fantasy land where everyone's treated equal. Hopefully, you'll never learn the hard way and get shaken into reality. This is a man's world we are living in, always has been, always will be. When a woman is abused people are usually quick to assume it's not true. Sexual abuse victims usually carry the guilt of the crime. Anyone that says men and women and whites and blacks are equal is either naive or walking on easy street. It wasn't until recent history, that women have been allowed to vote and not be forced to marry someone they don't want to. And that's only in our country. In some places, women are only looked at as goods for prostitution houses. Even today when a woman can choose to marry who she wants, you don't usually know someone fully until you're living with them. Although my ex wasn't physically abusive, he was mentally abusive and tried to make me feel like every problem was my fault. I had no idea he was this way until we were married, he was good at hiding it before that. It's not so easy to get out of a bad situation, maybe there's kids involved, maybe they can't financially afford to get away, maybe he's threatened her not to leave, ect. If this guy won't allow her to leave the corner, he probably will try to stop her from leaving the house. Don't treat the victim as stupid for being in a bad situation and accuse her when she is trying to seek help.

Quoting Anonymous:

Of course there's always that few who prefer to play the race card or pitiful lady in destress card.



Quoting Anonymous:

ps don't throw that stupid equal rights...so b/c we've got "equal rights" now he can do this. Equal, give me a break, men and women have unequal strength. And being equal is an illusion. Do you know how many women are raped and beaten and keep it to themselves b/c they know it's more dangerous to say something? We will never be equal. A new form of prejudice is believing that there is no prejudice anymore. When in reality, women and blacks still get paid less, still have to work harder to be taken seriously, still get treated like they are less than equal, they still get assumed guilty when they were the ones that were raped. They must have asked for it is the common assumption.


Quoting Anonymous:

So leave?



But this whole post is bullshit!

If it were a man hitting for ANY reason every last one of you would be screaming domestic violence.

(for the idiot who said its physically impossible for a woman to force a man in the corner much less hold him there, you my dear need to learn your own strength! my husband is a foot taller than me & outweighs me by at least 50 pounds but I guarantee it's possible)

He's wrong for blocking her in a corner & screaming like a idiot



BUT she's also very guilty for putting hands on him!



Before she back peddles no where has she said he touched her, only blocked & yelled.

So why should it be okay for Her to put hands on him?

That's just asking for the risk of him to whoop her ass to triple.

If it were the man hitting no matters the situation he'd be a horrible bastard who deserved a beat down.

Yet its magically okay for her to put her hands on him because she's a woman??



Gotta love when equal rights only comes into good with certain scenarios!



Op stop making excuses & leave. You've made an excuse for every suggestion (my family will think bad, I have no where to go blah blah blah). There's to many options this day & time to pull the aww poor me card!




Anonymous
by Anonymous 21 on Sep. 5, 2012 at 12:57 PM
1 mom liked this

Get with the times? How about you get with the facts. Accusing a poor woman that is seeking help and calling her rude and acting like she deserves this when you don't even know her. It would be wrong for her to just walk up and hit him. But she tried to get away from their fight peacefully. Did you even read that or understand that?? He did not let her leave the fight. The hits were provoked by him holding her down. And if he was screaming he was not in the position to discuss the problems with her as you were trying to suggest. She was trying to get away until he calmed down, but he wasn't having any of that. No I don't think women are weak, but you seem to think women should just sit there and take it since we are all "equal" now.

Quoting Anonymous:

lmao 1st off!! I didn't say anything that wasn't quoted below, so your mistake! Wrong anon.

2ndly, Not all women are weak. So your point is pathetic. If you don't know how to protect yourself I seriously suggest you go find a class for self defense.
Women want to be treated equally until its not convenient to them.
A woman hitting a man is no better than a man hitting a woman

Get with the times lady! If you're not going to live true to the Give us equal treatment then go sit down & pretend your in the early years!


Quoting Anonymous:

1. I remember you saying learn to read. I know how to read b/c unlike you I realize that restraint is abuse.

2. You can't compare a woman hitting a man to a man hitting a woman. Why don't you go try to pin a man down and see what happens. Unless the guy is super scrawny if he is being hit in a room by a woman he at least has the choice to leave the room. Go to the gym and see how much wieght you can lift as compared to the guys next to you. You keep throwing the rude word around when you were being rude by suggesting the the original poster is a bad person for defending herself. It's not as easy as you think to get away from a bad guy. What if he threatens if she leaves, a restraining order is just a piece of paper. This woman tried to walk away and he wouldn't let her.

3. Let's hope you're never in the situation of being at an unstable man's mercy and having no clue what he will do to you. It's scary as hell. You'll learn the hard way who the victim is in a physical struggle. So just hope you never have to be held down against your will and screamed at or raped. And if you ever are in her shoes, hopefully there will be people supportive of you rathern than accusing like you.


Quoting Anonymous:

So leave?



But this whole post is bullshit!

If it were a man hitting for ANY reason every last one of you would be screaming domestic violence.

(for the idiot who said its physically impossible for a woman to force a man in the corner much less hold him there, you my dear need to learn your own strength! my husband is a foot taller than me & outweighs me by at least 50 pounds but I guarantee it's possible)

He's wrong for blocking her in a corner & screaming like a idiot



BUT she's also very guilty for putting hands on him!



Before she back peddles no where has she said he touched her, only blocked & yelled.

So why should it be okay for Her to put hands on him?

That's just asking for the risk of him to whoop her ass to triple.

If it were the man hitting no matters the situation he'd be a horrible bastard who deserved a beat down.

Yet its magically okay for her to put her hands on him because she's a woman??



Gotta love when equal rights only comes into good with certain scenarios!



Op stop making excuses & leave. You've made an excuse for every suggestion (my family will think bad, I have no where to go blah blah blah). There's to many options this day & time to pull the aww poor me card!




Anonymous
by Anonymous 21 on Sep. 5, 2012 at 12:59 PM

ps there are so many anon posts, I'm not exactly sure you were the same person posting stuff before, but it sounded like you were the same person.

Quoting Anonymous:

Get with the times? How about you get with the facts. Accusing a poor woman that is seeking help and calling her rude and acting like she deserves this when you don't even know her. It would be wrong for her to just walk up and hit him. But she tried to get away from their fight peacefully. Did you even read that or understand that?? He did not let her leave the fight. The hits were provoked by him holding her down. And if he was screaming he was not in the position to discuss the problems with her as you were trying to suggest. She was trying to get away until he calmed down, but he wasn't having any of that. No I don't think women are weak, but you seem to think women should just sit there and take it since we are all "equal" now.

Quoting Anonymous:

lmao 1st off!! I didn't say anything that wasn't quoted below, so your mistake! Wrong anon.

2ndly, Not all women are weak. So your point is pathetic. If you don't know how to protect yourself I seriously suggest you go find a class for self defense.
Women want to be treated equally until its not convenient to them.
A woman hitting a man is no better than a man hitting a woman

Get with the times lady! If you're not going to live true to the Give us equal treatment then go sit down & pretend your in the early years!


Quoting Anonymous:

1. I remember you saying learn to read. I know how to read b/c unlike you I realize that restraint is abuse.

2. You can't compare a woman hitting a man to a man hitting a woman. Why don't you go try to pin a man down and see what happens. Unless the guy is super scrawny if he is being hit in a room by a woman he at least has the choice to leave the room. Go to the gym and see how much wieght you can lift as compared to the guys next to you. You keep throwing the rude word around when you were being rude by suggesting the the original poster is a bad person for defending herself. It's not as easy as you think to get away from a bad guy. What if he threatens if she leaves, a restraining order is just a piece of paper. This woman tried to walk away and he wouldn't let her.

3. Let's hope you're never in the situation of being at an unstable man's mercy and having no clue what he will do to you. It's scary as hell. You'll learn the hard way who the victim is in a physical struggle. So just hope you never have to be held down against your will and screamed at or raped. And if you ever are in her shoes, hopefully there will be people supportive of you rathern than accusing like you.


Quoting Anonymous:

So leave?



But this whole post is bullshit!

If it were a man hitting for ANY reason every last one of you would be screaming domestic violence.

(for the idiot who said its physically impossible for a woman to force a man in the corner much less hold him there, you my dear need to learn your own strength! my husband is a foot taller than me & outweighs me by at least 50 pounds but I guarantee it's possible)

He's wrong for blocking her in a corner & screaming like a idiot



BUT she's also very guilty for putting hands on him!



Before she back peddles no where has she said he touched her, only blocked & yelled.

So why should it be okay for Her to put hands on him?

That's just asking for the risk of him to whoop her ass to triple.

If it were the man hitting no matters the situation he'd be a horrible bastard who deserved a beat down.

Yet its magically okay for her to put her hands on him because she's a woman??



Gotta love when equal rights only comes into good with certain scenarios!



Op stop making excuses & leave. You've made an excuse for every suggestion (my family will think bad, I have no where to go blah blah blah). There's to many options this day & time to pull the aww poor me card!





Anonymous
by Anonymous 29 on Sep. 5, 2012 at 1:06 PM


Quoting Anonymous:

I said it was DIFFERENT if the hit back in actual defense. She wasn't defending herself. Just hitting him because she was mad he was in her way. Duh...I know there are plenty of abused women who have HAD to fight back.

Actually if he was holding her against her will then it was self defense.

Cpdsptchgrl
by on Sep. 5, 2012 at 1:10 PM
I have been in her exact situation and had to hit. She is not talking about somebody that wants to solve a problem. She is talking about somebody that is physically keeping her prisoner. Do I think it's unwise to hit him at that point? Yes. Do I understand what's it like to be in that exact situation, terrified and panicked therefore fighting your way out? Yup. I understand that too. This isn't simple arguing. This is false imprisonment. It's serious and dangerous.


Quoting Anonymous:

Different situations. You had to fight him off. She hits him because he stands in her way. He isn't hurting her. She even talks like this is a common thing he does in fights when she tries to leave. Yes, I do have an idea. It's not like I haven't ever gotten in to fights with my husband before.

Quoting Cpdsptchgrl:

And yet again another woman talking out her ass. I ALWAYS knew that my ex would hit me. There were times when I HAD to hit him. Hell, he even has a scar from my bite mark. Did he hit me? Yup. What would have happened if I didn't put up a fight? I would have been killed on one occasion. On another I would have been raped by him. You have no idea what you are talking about.





Quoting Anonymous:

Any woman who truly thought their husband was going to beat her, would NOT be hitting him in a fight, so I am taking it that she is confident enough that he wasn't going to hit her back if she hit him or else she wouldn't even do it! You are making it sound like she is this poor little victim that is getting treated horribly, when in reality, they are both getting in to an explosive fight. He is yelling in her face and blocking her, and she is getting mad and hitting him. She says she tries to leave during fights. There are women who use that as manipulation and to threaten, so how do you know she isn't doing that to him? If she really wanted to leave, she has plenty of other opportunities to when they are NOT in a huge fight.

Quoting Anonymous:

So your saying her only corse of action would be to cower in the corner, praying he doesn't beat he hell out of her? Fuck that! And fuck off for even hinting that she is wrong for trying to get out of a bad situation. If someone backed you into a corner, screaming in your face...your honestly saying you would stand there and just let them do what ever they wanted to you?





Quoting Anonymous:

Yes, lets talk about abuse, yet call someone a moron. (Verbal abuse). I didn't blame anyone. I think they are both at fault. She isn't the victim. She is the participant. It sounds like their fights get out of control and escalate too far. She is hitting him and he is blocking her. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Um you don't have to hit someone to be abusive. Just like how if a woman says, "no" and a guy forces himself onto a woman and she doesn't physcially fight back it is still RAPE. Why? B/c no means no and when it is clearly implied that someone does not want to do something they should not be forced into it. A woman may be too afraid to fight back that she will get more hurt. Stop being a typical "blame the victim" moron.




Quoting Anonymous:

Well, I will say if a woman blocked her husband and he hit her, he would definitely be called abusive. so...Hitting is physical abuse. If he is not trying to hurt you, then you are not really defending yourself. You're just hitting him because you're mad he is in your face and blocking you. (Which I also think is rude, but not abusive). You both sound toxic!

Quoting Anonymous:

Yes I hit him when he comes and backs me into the corner and yells in my face and acts as a wall when I try to get away from him. I havw every right to defend myself yet I'm abusive?











Quoting Anonymous:

He does not sound abusive. He sounds like he wants you to stay there and not run off every time you fight. Although you just admitted you hit him...













Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 30 on Sep. 5, 2012 at 1:12 PM
I know the feeling... He's the same way, and if I make it out the house he will stand in front my car. Freaks me the hell out.

Try to get out before he starts hitting you, please.
Cpdsptchgrl
by on Sep. 5, 2012 at 1:13 PM
1 mom liked this
Don't waste your breath. I doubt she has ever been there. I love how people pretend to know things about these situations when they haven't been there. She clearly doesn't know the difference between a normal argument and being held hostage/prisoner in your own home.


Quoting MaskedMomma:

 oh hell no!!! I knew for a fact that my (now ex) husband was going to beat me but you can bet your ass that I DID hit him in a fight. Hit, kicked, scratched, clawed, bit, whatever I could do. It's been years but my bruises,broken bones, bumps, and stitches have healed. His face & arms are still scar-ed because of my scratches. If it got him away from me for even a second I did whatever I could. That second was another second I could try and run, hoping I could make it to the door or the window, or hoping that he wouldn't catch me and drag me back inside. (this was of course after the phone was destroyed). He was 6'4, I'm  4'9. I did everything in my power to stop him including fighting back every time that we fought.


 I tried leaving multiple times before I had finally left for good. But he always found me and would force himself into where I was living (cops wouldn't stop him cause we were still legally married) or take all my stuff and drag me to where he was living whether I wanted to go or not. When I finally left for good I moved 7 times in 1 year, didn't tell ANYONE where I lived or how to get ahold of me (which sucks because if I didn't feel isolated enough then I did not being able to speak to anyone out of fear my ex would find me), got a work-at-home job so he couldn't find me at work, and didn't put the kids in daycare or even send them to the sitters. I would drive 3 towns over to do grocery shopping once a month, and ask someone I used to be friends with like 15 years ago to meet me there and walk around the store with me because I was afraid of my ex showing up. Ex didn't give a crap about he restraining order,he's broke it numerous times.Cops didn't do nothing about it either,or the harassment, or any of that.


That's neither here nor there though. What matters is that I eventually did get away from him for good, its been 3 years since that last time, and I'm finally starting to settle into a normal life and I'm not scared anymore. But I have a big ol FUCK YOU for having the audacity to say that a women who truly thought their husband was going to beat her would not be hitting him in a fight! A women who thought he would hit her  WOULD hit him, like I said that can buy enough distraction time to try and get away!!!


Quoting Anonymous:


Any woman who truly thought their husband was going to beat her, would NOT be hitting him in a fight, so I am taking it that she is confident enough that he wasn't going to hit her back if she hit him or else she wouldn't even do it! You are making it sound like she is this poor little victim that is getting treated horribly, when in reality, they are both getting in to an explosive fight. He is yelling in her face and blocking her, and she is getting mad and hitting him. She says she tries to leave during fights. There are women who use that as manipulation and to threaten, so how do you know she isn't doing that to him? If she really wanted to leave, she has plenty of other opportunities to when they are NOT in a huge fight.


Quoting Anonymous:

So your saying her only corse of action would be to cower in the corner, praying he doesn't beat he hell out of her? Fuck that! And fuck off for even hinting that she is wrong for trying to get out of a bad situation. If someone backed you into a corner, screaming in your face...your honestly saying you would stand there and just let them do what ever they wanted to you?


Quoting Anonymous:


Yes, lets talk about abuse, yet call someone a moron. (Verbal abuse). I didn't blame anyone. I think they are both at fault. She isn't the victim. She is the participant. It sounds like their fights get out of control and escalate too far. She is hitting him and he is blocking her. 


Quoting Anonymous:


Um you don't have to hit someone to be abusive. Just like how if a woman says, "no" and a guy forces himself onto a woman and she doesn't physcially fight back it is still RAPE. Why? B/c no means no and when it is clearly implied that someone does not want to do something they should not be forced into it. A woman may be too afraid to fight back that she will get more hurt. Stop being a typical "blame the victim" moron.



Quoting Anonymous:


Well, I will say if a woman blocked her husband and he hit her, he would definitely be called abusive. so...Hitting is physical abuse. If he is not trying to hurt you, then you are not really defending yourself. You're just hitting him because you're mad he is in your face and blocking you. (Which I also think is rude, but not abusive). You both sound toxic!


Quoting Anonymous:

Yes I hit him when he comes and backs me into the corner and yells in my face and acts as a wall when I try to get away from him. I havw every right to defend myself yet I'm abusive?






Quoting Anonymous:


He does not sound abusive. He sounds like he wants you to stay there and not run off every time you fight. Although you just admitted you hit him...






 






 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 31 on Sep. 5, 2012 at 1:21 PM
Mine also... The only difference between me and OP is my DH called the cops on me and I got arrested for "hitting" him. All I was doing was slaming my hands on his chest in order to push him away from me in order to get out of the corner he had me in. :-(

Quoting Anonymous:

DH has done exact same thing
Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Sep. 5, 2012 at 2:17 PM
Yep he got in my face and I pushed him out of it and he said I was the one hitting him. I'm like don't get that close to my face and we won't have a problem. I have told him that if he loses it like that again he and I are through and he's calmed down quite a bit since. He still gets mad but he checks himself more times than not.

Quoting Anonymous:

Mine also... The only difference between me and OP is my DH called the cops on me and I got arrested for "hitting" him. All I was doing was slaming my hands on his chest in order to push him away from me in order to get out of the corner he had me in. :-(



Quoting Anonymous:

DH has done exact same thing
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