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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Why do you feel sexy?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 45 Replies

Last night DH put the moves on me for the first time in a month. After we started touching and kissing, he told me that my breath was awful. I had just brushed my teeth and that really hurt my feelings.

I just started crying. He hardly ever touches me any more. I feel undesireable. I am 5'4" and weigh 158lbs, am still about 20 lbs heavier than I was before I got pregnant with our 18 month old, have saggy breasts and belly covered in stretchmarks. I am almost 40 and not feeling young or pretty anymore. The last thing I needed was to feel like I had bad breath too.

I explained to him that I feel unattractive because he never wants me any more.... and the key to my feeling sexy is being desiredby him. He seems to think that there is something mentally wrong with me...  and that I should feel sexy "just because". He believes that most women just feel beautiful naturally.

I disagree. I think that most women feel sexy because they see that other people find them attractive. They feel men looking at them, admiring them, checking them out etc... I think that as a woman, if you don't get any positive feedback on your appearance, you tend to feel ugly, old, undesireable etc.

He says I need to have good self-esteem. I do have good self esteem when it comes to other things, Im smart, funny, loving, sweet, hardworking and talented. But when it comes to my physical being... I just feel unattractive and undesireable.

QUESTION IS... if you were only approached for intimacy once a month by your DH or SO... and then told that your breath was bad... would it make you feel unnatractive? Do you agree that feeling sexually appealing is directly linked to the feedback you receive about your looks from men? If no, how do you go about feeling sexy when nobody looks at you anymore?

Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 10, 2012 at 11:25 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Sep. 10, 2012 at 11:34 AM

bump, surely someone has something to say!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 10, 2012 at 11:41 AM
1 mom liked this

Well, I'm 41, so I get what you mean. I hit a slump last year  where I felt really unsexy.  What I told myself was that I needed to get over it, and start investing some time in myself.  I started fixing my hair instead of the sloppy bun, eating better, working out more, and taking better care of myself.  I'm in pretty good shape for my age now, and although I have some stretch marks and my boobs will never look like they did at twenty, I am okay with that.  I stopped slouching all the time, and started walking with my head up and shoulders back.  That helped immensely.  Also, I quit waiting for someone to rell me I was hot..because Damn, I was already hot and I knew it, LoL.  Confidence is what makes me sexy.  What makes you feel confident?

alexsmomma06
by Platinum Member on Sep. 10, 2012 at 11:45 AM
2 moms liked this
Knowing that my man wants me makes me feel sexy. He likes my not so perky boobs, and my big butt, but i know he also finds my mind, sense if humor, and personality sexy. It makes me feel confident and most men find confidence sexy.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Sep. 10, 2012 at 11:45 AM
1 mom liked this
You're right, and your husband is an ass.
.betty.white.
by Platinum Member on Sep. 10, 2012 at 11:47 AM

I would brush my teeth more in that situation.  How well are you keeping up with your oral hygiene?  

alwayskk
by on Sep. 10, 2012 at 11:48 AM
1 mom liked this

I think it's both. 

I think that if you think you're not sexy, other people won't find you sexy very often. 

I think that having a spouse who doesn't seem attracted to you would hurt your self esteem.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Sep. 10, 2012 at 11:51 AM

So you think maybe if I brush my teeth 4-5 times a day... all my problems will go away?


 

Quoting .betty.white.:

I would brush my teeth more in that situation.  How well are you keeping up with your oral hygiene?  


Angela198522
by on Sep. 10, 2012 at 11:51 AM
I have my ups and downs when it comes to feeling sexy, but it has nothing to do with how my man or anyone is towards me.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Sep. 10, 2012 at 11:54 AM
I understand. You are not being silly. Its hard to start feeling sexy again. I would have been really hurt too.
khloemum
by on Sep. 10, 2012 at 11:56 AM

 I feel completely unsexy since having my lo also (and im 27)... so bump for ya! I think im in a slump, i havent quite gathered rasing a child alone, keeping a home, working a ft job and finding time for me!

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