Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Did you know that Autistic Children ... *ETA*

Posted by   + Show Post

grow up into Autistic Adults?

And no matter how "mainstreamed" or "high functioning" they are, sometimes they still have meltdowns. 

I get so sick of people judging my family and my husband because he has the occassional meltdown. Yeah, he's got rage. He's working on it. But damn, a meltdown is a meltdown, in a 4 year old, or a 43 year old. It comes, it goes, and it's nobody's place to judge him for having them, or to judge me for staying married to him. 

Does anyone else have any experience with Special Needs adults? Do people act like just because they went through puberty they're somehow no longer Special Needs? Or that they should have "learned to control that by now"? 

*EDIT* To answer a few commonly asked questions.

1) I never said in public. Most adult aspies have found ways to control their meltdowns in public a high percentage of the time. I said friends and family, because they are the ones that see it, and the toll it sometimes takes on me. And neighbors, cause they have to hear it.

2) Husband is 43. He is a clown and has been since he was 10. He loves the art and challenge to balloon twisting, the fact that in his costume he can get away with saying pretty much anything, and the fact that unless he wants them to, when he's out of costume, most people wouldn't recognize him.

3) He doesn't drive, and he can't handle paperwork or bills, but beyond that he is like any other adult. He does not, in any way, have a child-like mind. My mind is more child-like than Husband's. His triggers, and subsequent melt-downs all have to do with our future as a family, and the safety health and well-being of our son. Yes, I see the irony. No, he does not.

4) I can't believe that several people asked this, but here we go. I married him because I love him. And he loves me. And we want to spend our lives together. Why else would anyone get married?

5) Both of his son's have Asperger's. We don't get to see the eldest very often because he lives in Alaska, but he's a good kid. Husband did not know that he had it before he procreated, but had he known I'm sure it wouldn't have changed anything.

by on Sep. 11, 2012 at 12:04 PM
Replies (21-30):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Sep. 11, 2012 at 12:16 PM
1 mom liked this
Why cant there be a healthy balance? Why does it have to be one way or the other?
Quoting Anonymous:

I'm over the "treat my autistic child normal, he/she doesn't like special treatment" battle with "have pity for my autistic child because he/she has meltdowns."



Make up your minds people!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
chi_moma
by on Sep. 11, 2012 at 12:16 PM
1 mom liked this

My oldest is autistic. I'm bipolar. We both have meltdowns of all shapes and sizes whether it's in public or not. I don't think any special needs people should be expected to act perfectly normal when they have a chemical brain imbalance of some kind, not their fault.

People wouldn't judge a child in a wheelchair, why judge anyone else with a disorder they can't control?

meparty
by on Sep. 11, 2012 at 12:16 PM

my son had tears coming out of his eyes yesterday, cause he couldnt lift his xylophone onto the bus.  Its not that heavy, and he can do it, he is just lazy sometimes, and wants everything done for him.  I am really trying NOT to do everything for him, and try to get him to be a little more independant.  Right now we are working on changing clothes, not sleeping in clothes, changing underwear, deodarant, brushing teeth,.  I am still having to tell him all this stuff to do, and I feel he should know, but he is 11, but developmentally he is probably 8 or 9.

Quoting Anonymous:

I have a 16 year old dd with aspergers. She doesnt have yelling spells. She breaks down in tears and almost has a break down from time to time. Thats the best i can describe it. She shows extreme frustration. Though she doesnt throw herself in the floor like a child having a tantrum, i have seen her curl up in the floor and sob.


Hipp-Ee-Chik37
by on Sep. 11, 2012 at 12:17 PM
6 moms liked this
My DH has ADHD and his hyperness drives me up the wall sometimes but when we are out somewhere and can't stop making noise drumming his hands,moving his legs or getting up walking around they get pissy but he can't help it. Some people have even said he should take medication to control it and I say right after you start taking medication to stop you from being an asshole.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Sep. 11, 2012 at 12:18 PM
8 or 9? My DS is 4 and can already do all of those things with no help.

Quoting meparty:

my son had tears coming out of his eyes yesterday, cause he couldnt lift his xylophone onto the bus.  Its not that heavy, and he can do it, he is just lazy sometimes, and wants everything done for him.  I am really trying NOT to do everything for him, and try to get him to be a little more independant.  Right now we are working on changing clothes, not sleeping in clothes, changing underwear, deodarant, brushing teeth,.  I am still having to tell him all this stuff to do, and I feel he should know, but he is 11, but developmentally he is probably 8 or 9.


Quoting Anonymous:

I have a 16 year old dd with aspergers. She doesnt have yelling spells. She breaks down in tears and almost has a break down from time to time. Thats the best i can describe it. She shows extreme frustration. Though she doesnt throw herself in the floor like a child having a tantrum, i have seen her curl up in the floor and sob.


mom_of_one_boy
by Silver Member on Sep. 11, 2012 at 12:19 PM
1 mom liked this
I actually work with special needs adults. Yes they have meltdowns when they get frustrated or over stimulated. My ds is delayed and somedays dealing with him i feel like im still at work dealing with a meltdown. Its just seems to people to be socially wrong for a grown man/woman to act like a child even though its part of their diagnosis. The company i work for is workin on more soicalization for our client in the community
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
AnnieMcD
by on Sep. 11, 2012 at 12:19 PM

He's a clown, that's his coping mechanism. So when he's in his make-up and stuff, well ... I won't say he doesn't say and do "inappropriate" things, just, he's a clown so people kind of expect it. It's the perfect camoflauge for the "socially impaired" lol.

Quoting Anonymous:

Does he do okay at work?


Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Sep. 11, 2012 at 12:20 PM
I'm honestly really curious about this. I have weird meltdowns all the time. They're next to impossible to control and no one understands. I've never been diagnosed with anything other than anxiety though.
-_-
by Ruby Member on Sep. 11, 2012 at 12:21 PM

Yeah, I knew that.

JaronDMC
by Member on Sep. 11, 2012 at 12:22 PM
1 mom liked this

My uncle is Autistic he in now in his late 50's, my grandmother still takes care of him, he is pretty high functioning but he can not live alone. But yes he has the occasional melt down, but they are way better now than they were. its hard because other people dont know he is special needs and they stare or judge and its hard not to get angery at people. Its not just his meltdowns that people stare at, when we go out to eat he's a messy eater, and people give him dirty looks. Lots of little things like that are hard. He lived with my family for several years while I was growing up. Back then his melt downs were much worse and he and he had a few in public that were pretty bad. Now that I'm an adult for what ever reason he has bonded with me and I can usally talk him in to calming down pretty quick but we no longer live near eachother. Hang in there and just be there to suporrt your husband and saty claim. Who care what others are saying. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)