My husband and I have had a rocky 8 year marriage. He's always been very verbally abusive and sexually abusive to me. He thinks it's his right to have sex with me whenever he pleases and refuses to wear condoms. I have always had a hard time with birthcontrol so it led to us having 3 children (I finally got my tubes tide). Anyways, I started to get close to someone and cheated on him. I confessed and feel horrible about it. I always said I'de never be the girl that would do that. This guy seemed to get me and understand and didn't make fun of me like my husband did. I am not making any excuses. It was WRONG and I know that. Now though my husband just treats me like shit more and it is so awkward living in my house. He only wants to talk to me when he feels like it and is constantly grabbing me and upset if I say no to sex. I am so confused about what to do. I know I did wrong and I do not know if I should just walk away because he says he forgives me but his actions say different. Any advice? I know I will get haters.
My family does not know that I cheated but my family is super religious and does not believe in divorce. I told my parents after I got pregnant with my 3rd child that he laughs at me when I would cry about him having unprotected sex with me. They seem to think it is not that big of a deal and my Dad says that he probably treats me the way he does because I do not have sex with him enough. It is just even now when we do have sex I swear it lasts no more than 4 or 5 minutes and he does not care about my needs. I just feel used afterwards.