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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

How having a "helicoptor" mom affected my adult life

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 14 Replies

My mom is/was what you call a helicoptor mom. She was very protective of me, monitored everything, was very strict. I am now an adult and a mother of three and I feel that her parenting style negatively affected my adult life. 

Since she made my  choices for me, I didn't know how to make good decisions. In fact, from the time i was 18-22 I made mostly poor decisions. All of those "mistakes" teenagers made, I made them as an adult. and the difference is that when you make these choice as an adult it follows you for a long time. Luckily I am the type that learns from my mistakes. If I was not, I'd probably still be making poor choices due to my lack of EXPERIENCE in making my own choices at a young age. 

You see, you can teach your children about making choices, but until they experience the act of doing it, they can't completely grasp it. It's like telling someone "one day, you will ride a bike. And when you do, you will do it like this" but never letting them get on a bike. The knowledge of being told how was useless, because it is a learning experience. 

So, to the helicoptor moms out there, I am asking you to please give your children the chance to learn for themselves. They will be much better off learning how to make good AND bad choices at a younger age rather than learning this process as an adult when it really counts!

Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 14, 2012 at 12:43 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kidkrazyinAK
by Bronze Member on Sep. 14, 2012 at 12:48 PM

I also had a helicopter mom...she was always paranoid something bad was going to happen. I grew up afraid of everything, now at 41, I have finally overcome most of it...but I still get skittish in certain situations.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Sep. 14, 2012 at 12:50 PM

I understand that feeling. I have begun to overcome it but not completely. I have noticed that the fear she put in me of certain things has began to affect my way of parenting, which i am working on. 

Quoting kidkrazyinAK:

I also had a helicopter mom...she was always paranoid something bad was going to happen. I grew up afraid of everything, now at 41, I have finally overcome most of it...but I still get skittish in certain situations.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Sep. 14, 2012 at 12:53 PM

bump

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Sep. 14, 2012 at 12:56 PM

bump

jynkx
by on Sep. 14, 2012 at 12:57 PM

interesting perspective...

kansasmom1978
by on Sep. 14, 2012 at 12:58 PM

I agree with you.  I want my kids to make mistakes and learn from them. I won't try to protect them from something that is not harmful. I mean if my stepson choses not to turn in homework, that's his fault. I m not going to fix it. If he gets busted for curfew, he spends the night in jail. I don't get made at teachers for something my daughter did at school. It's not the teachers fault. My kids will grow up know that they are responsible for their lives, their behavior and their future.

OneToughMami
by Ruby Member on Sep. 14, 2012 at 12:59 PM
I am thankful to not have had one and thankful I am not one.
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Ginger0104
by Gold Member on Sep. 14, 2012 at 1:00 PM

I had a mom that would be considered free range by today's standards, and I still made bad choices from 18-21.  I don't think it's uncommon to make mistakes at that age.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Sep. 14, 2012 at 1:05 PM

I had a helicopter mom as well. but I had an opposite experience. I actually learned a lot from having such a protective parent. she made all choices for me. and while I hated it at the time, as an adult and parent myself now, I am grateful that my mom was as involved as she was. she kept me from making a lot of stupid mistakes that a lot of my friends did as teenagers. all my friends were allowed freedom to just roam the streets as teenagers and were left on their own to make all their own decisions. and they just weren't ready for it. I feel so lucky that I had a mom that prevented me from doing the same and protected me from being stupid. I learned from it. once I was old enough to leave the house, I felt I had the wisdom and the smarts to take care of myself and make my own decisions on my own based on what my mom did for me. for me it was an advantage. but I guess everybody is different.

andersongirl562
by on Sep. 14, 2012 at 1:08 PM
This!

Quoting Ginger0104:

I had a mom that would be considered free range by today's standards, and I still made bad choices from 18-21.  I don't think it's uncommon to make mistakes at that age.

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