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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I quit sending my dd on visits with her dad

Posted by on Sep. 17, 2012 at 11:24 PM
  • 24 Replies

 My dd is 13, and her dad and I were never married, no custody or visitation order by the court, but I had been letting him have visits with her since she was a year old. I had been getting fed up with him and his meaningless promises and such, and my dd had gotten fed up with her father as well, for many reasons. Well, last year, he cut off the cell phone she had. At the time that was the only phone we had, so I thought it was pretty stupid of him to turn it off. He had no other way to reach me or her. He didn't even know our address at the time. He cut it off bc he was mad at us, or mad at me specifically. I decided that was the last straw, and I made no effort to contact him.

A couple of months later he finally made an effort to find us and called me, on our new phone, and wanted to talk to my dd, but she didn't want to talk to him, and I said I wasn't going to make her if she didn't want to. He yelled and got mad, and then when that didn't work, he just gave up and hasn't done anything to try and reach out to her. He does have our address now, and our email, and phone number.

I called him a couple of weeks ago to ask why the child support hadn't come, and he again wanted to talk to her but I said no. This was the first time I had spoken to him since last Nov. He goes on abut how much he misses her and wants to see her. It's all such bs. He said he doesn't understand why she doesn't want to see him, that he has never hurt her. I said he has hurt her emotionally, by things he has said and done, by promises he has broken, nd by ignoring her and not listening to her, but he just doesn't get it. I am never calling him again and I don't care if he ever sees her again. I am so fed up with him and his crap, and I am so glad to be rid of him.

by on Sep. 17, 2012 at 11:24 PM
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Replies (1-10):
pce68
by Patti on Sep. 17, 2012 at 11:57 PM

BUMP!

pce68
by Patti on Sep. 17, 2012 at 11:58 PM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Sep. 17, 2012 at 11:59 PM
3 moms liked this

I have no sympathy for you. 

AubreeGrace17
by Platinum Member on Sep. 18, 2012 at 12:01 AM
I'm not sure what to say. If she doesn't want to see him she shouldn't have to but he is her dad...
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Two_Hearts
by on Sep. 18, 2012 at 12:08 AM

When my DD was 4 yrs old ....she had gone through two yrs of her dad being just 'fine' with not calling at all to see how she was doing ...and only seeing her every other weekend. 

By the time she was 4 yrs old , he had cut the visits down to 2 saturdays a month ..and they were no longer overnight visits....and the child support ? yea that stopped coming , and when i asked him to please find out why ..his reply was ' once it comes off my cheque , its no longer my responsiblity to care what happens to it'

I told him then that he either needed to step up and be a dad or he had to just leave us alone.....we never heard from him after that. 

DD is now 10 yrs old ...and i have 11 logged pages of events where he has seen her in passing and has not said a word to her , with every event ...i stop her and i let her know that she can go up to him and say what ever is on her mind and i will back her up...even if it is ' i miss you and i want to see you ' ..

her response ? " why ? he is not my dad ...he hasn't wanted to talk to me , so im not going to try to talk to him'

i say , you do what you think is best for your DD ...and she is 13, she is old enough to know what she wants.

pce68
by Patti on Sep. 18, 2012 at 12:17 AM

 Thank you! My dd doesn't consider him her dad anymore either. She wants nothing to do with him. I asked her what would she do if he showed up at her high school graduation, and she said he could come if he wanted but he'd better not try and alk to her, or she would turn and walk away. I think that says it all.

And this is not a new thing. It has been building for years. When my dd was a preschooler, he used to take her to his brother's house when he got our dd for the weekend. He would expect everyone else to entertain her and take care of her, and finally one day his SIL told him he needed to step up and be a dad. He got mad and left, mailed them their key back, and never went back to their house again. That's the way he is. You're either on his side or he writes you out of his life.

Quoting Two_Hearts:

When my DD was 4 yrs old ....she had gone through two yrs of her dad being just 'fine' with not calling at all to see how she was doing ...and only seeing her every other weekend. 

By the time she was 4 yrs old , he had cut the visits down to 2 saturdays a month ..and they were no longer overnight visits....and the child support ? yea that stopped coming , and when i asked him to please find out why ..his reply was ' once it comes off my cheque , its no longer my responsiblity to care what happens to it'

I told him then that he either needed to step up and be a dad or he had to just leave us alone.....we never heard from him after that. 

DD is now 10 yrs old ...and i have 11 logged pages of events where he has seen her in passing and has not said a word to her , with every event ...i stop her and i let her know that she can go up to him and say what ever is on her mind and i will back her up...even if it is ' i miss you and i want to see you ' ..

her response ? " why ? he is not my dad ...he hasn't wanted to talk to me , so im not going to try to talk to him'

i say , you do what you think is best for your DD ...and she is 13, she is old enough to know what she wants.

 

pce68
by Patti on Sep. 18, 2012 at 12:20 AM

 Not asking for sympathy. Just telling about what's on my mind tonight.

Quoting Anonymous:

I have no sympathy for you. 

 

Two_Hearts
by on Sep. 18, 2012 at 12:23 AM
1 mom liked this

Yep ...some men are like that , its ridiculous. 

Oh and this ' but he is her biological dad....' is BS ...DNA means shit when you do not love your child and when you do not EARN the respect of being called a dad or to even be treated like one.

My ex of 8 yrs , stepped up ...and is now my DD's dad ..we never lived together , we were never married ...and yea i don't agree with a lot that he does , but he loves her unconditionally ...and THAT is what matters to my DD.

Quoting pce68:

 Thank you! My dd doesn't consider him her dad anymore either. She wants nothing to do with him. I asked her what would she do if he showed up at her high school graduation, and she said he could come if he wanted but he'd better not try and alk to her, or she would turn and walk away. I think that says it all.

And this is not a new thing. It has been building for years. When my dd was a preschooler, he used to take her to his brother's house when he got our dd for the weekend. He would expect everyone else to entertain her and take care of her, and finally one day his SIL told him he needed to step up and be a dad. He got mad and left, mailed them their key back, and never went back to their house again. That's the way he is. You're either on his side or he writes you out of his life.

Quoting Two_Hearts:

When my DD was 4 yrs old ....she had gone through two yrs of her dad being just 'fine' with not calling at all to see how she was doing ...and only seeing her every other weekend. 

By the time she was 4 yrs old , he had cut the visits down to 2 saturdays a month ..and they were no longer overnight visits....and the child support ? yea that stopped coming , and when i asked him to please find out why ..his reply was ' once it comes off my cheque , its no longer my responsiblity to care what happens to it'

I told him then that he either needed to step up and be a dad or he had to just leave us alone.....we never heard from him after that. 

DD is now 10 yrs old ...and i have 11 logged pages of events where he has seen her in passing and has not said a word to her , with every event ...i stop her and i let her know that she can go up to him and say what ever is on her mind and i will back her up...even if it is ' i miss you and i want to see you ' ..

her response ? " why ? he is not my dad ...he hasn't wanted to talk to me , so im not going to try to talk to him'

i say , you do what you think is best for your DD ...and she is 13, she is old enough to know what she wants.

 


AdellesMom
by on Sep. 18, 2012 at 12:27 AM
I don't approve.

On the one hand women complain about the father not being there. Then, when he's there, but not in the capacity they want, they bitch and complain about that. But, they wonder why the men come in and out and why the men don't want anything to do with the mothers.

SMH
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
pce68
by Patti on Sep. 18, 2012 at 12:33 AM
1 mom liked this

 Well I don't really care if you approve or not. He had all these years to build a relationship with her and he obviously failed since my dd wants nothing to do with him. He also had all these years to legitimate her and get his name on the birth certificate. He hasn't done that either.

Quoting AdellesMom:

I don't approve.

On the one hand women complain about the father not being there. Then, when he's there, but not in the capacity they want, they bitch and complain about that. But, they wonder why the men come in and out and why the men don't want anything to do with the mothers.

SMH

 

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