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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Is this his way of grieving? my 2 yr old! Help!

Posted by on Sep. 18, 2012 at 3:08 PM
  • 117 Replies

My oldest son Jay, (he will be 2 on Sept 26th), has had NO issues sharing in the past. He has ALWAYS shared freely and willingly. Even wanted to share with baby brother Zechy (born this past May) the moment he was born basically.

Suddenly there are a few toys he simply will not share. (When I say suddenly I really mean since my mom passed on July 7th, 2012).

We were sitting on the floor reading books. My baby Zechy was interested in the shapes book (one that my mom had gotten Jay for his first birthday), so I picked it up, opened it up to a random page (It's a big foam shapes puzzle book) and set it in front of him. (Well on the tray in front of him. He sitting in his Bumbo seat with the tray on it). During this time my oldest and I were still in the middle of reading one of his other books. When he realized that I had given his brother that book he threw the BIGGEST fit. Got up, went over to my youngest son and took the book saying, "no no no baby, mine. My book, no your book."

Well, I said, "No no Jay, we have to share our toys and books with our brother." So I went to take it back to give it back to my younger son Zechy.  My Older son Jay threw the BIGGEST fit, swear, he threw another book at me that we had already read. (He has NEVER done this before. He has never reacted this way before, except once.)

About a week ago we asked him to share some of his toys with brother Zechy (Who was looking very interested in the Toys Jay was playing with). So surprisingly Jay gave Zechy his Prized Mack (yes semi truck from the Movie Cars) truck to play with. I was very astonished and praised him for that. This is seriously one toy he holds tight to and does not share. A few nights later he was playing with his big brother gift from my mom (Truck with a horse trailer that detaches and has a horse in it) and then decided he wanted to play with his Mater car, and brother looked interested in it, so we asked him to share it with brother. This was the first time he threw a HUGE fit like he did today over a toy and sharing.

My mom made custom made blankets and quilts for both boys, which they got the day they were born. I accidently grabbed the one that she made for Jay my oldest, to cover my Zechy my youngest when he fell asleep in the swing. My son was upset by it, but didn't throw a big fit like today, when I simply grabbed his special quilt that grandma had made him.

So talking to my husband we have noticed that he is ONLY not willing to share the toys/things that grandma gave him (my mom). I know he knows what it means, he was at the memorial services and funeral. He knows that Grandma went bye bye for now, but we will see her in heaven one day. He is VERY aware of it all. My grief counselor has helped me realize that my son knows MORE than I give him credit for.

My question is do you think this is his way of grieving? Is this normal? What would you suggest I do?

by on Sep. 18, 2012 at 3:08 PM
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Replies (1-10):
AdellesMom
by on Sep. 18, 2012 at 3:15 PM
11 moms liked this
I think that it's his way of grieving. He's trying to hold on to everything that his grandmother gave him. He doesn't want to share those things because he may feel like he's sharing her.

(((HUGS)))
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ExquisiteMomof2
by PHOTOGMOM on Sep. 18, 2012 at 3:27 PM


Quoting AdellesMom:

I think that it's his way of grieving. He's trying to hold on to everything that his grandmother gave him. He doesn't want to share those things because he may feel like he's sharing her.

(((HUGS)))

Yeah, I think so too. At first I thought he was just being a terrible two. But then after my husband and I talked about it, and realized that it is only happening to things that his grandma (my mom) got him. He doesn't mind sharing things we got him (except his security items like his taggy blanket Mickey mouse, and his laugh and learn doggy which my husband I got those for him.) He doesn't mind sharing snacks and other toys, even his beloved Cars and Cars II toys. However he gets very upset and angry when we try to make him share things my mom got him. =( He misses her I'm sure. She was a constant for him. Called every day to talk to her babies. Always played with him on the ground when she came to visit, or we went to her house/hospital/hospice. He is not this particular about toys given to him from his other grand parents and great grandparents or his God parents even. Just things my mom gave him.

Sort of breaks my heart.

He wont let anyone sit in moms special spot on the couch, he gets upset if someone tries to sit there. He says, "no no no! gma sit here. No you sit. Gma sit."

AdellesMom
by on Sep. 18, 2012 at 3:28 PM
Aww! Poor baby. He misses his grandmother. :(

It's heartbreaking.


Quoting ExquisiteMomof2:


Quoting AdellesMom:

I think that it's his way of grieving. He's trying to hold on to everything that his grandmother gave him. He doesn't want to share those things because he may feel like he's sharing her.



(((HUGS)))

Yeah, I think so too. At first I thought he was just being a terrible two. But then after my husband and I talked about it, and realized that it is only happening to things that his grandma (my mom) got him. He doesn't mind sharing things we got him (except his security items like his taggy blanket Mickey mouse, and his laugh and learn doggy which my husband I got those for him.) He doesn't mind sharing snacks and other toys, even his beloved Cars and Cars II toys. However he gets very upset and angry when we try to make him share things my mom got him. =( He misses her I'm sure. She was a constant for him. Called every day to talk to her babies. Always played with him on the ground when she came to visit, or we went to her house/hospital/hospice. He is not this particular about toys given to him from his other grand parents and great grandparents or his God parents even. Just things my mom gave him.

Sort of breaks my heart.

He wont let anyone sit in moms special spot on the couch, he gets upset if someone tries to sit there. He says, "no no no! gma sit here. No you sit. Gma sit."

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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Sep. 18, 2012 at 3:30 PM
4 moms liked this
I don't think he's old enough to put two and two together like that.
Roo1234
by Platinum Member on Sep. 18, 2012 at 3:30 PM
3 moms liked this

I would suggest you respect his feelings and not force him (or even ask him) to share things you believe are meaningful to him.  There are plenty of other toys so why make it an issue?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Sep. 18, 2012 at 3:31 PM
1 mom liked this
Also you keep giving all the toys he wants to the baby.of course he's going to throw a fit.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 18, 2012 at 3:32 PM

He's not.  Developmentally, he's not capable of that yet.   However, even young children feel loss and emptiness following the death of a loved one ... it may just be that the grandma-blanket smells like grandma and therefore he finds it comforting.

Quoting Anonymous:

I don't think he's old enough to put two and two together like that.


ExquisiteMomof2
by PHOTOGMOM on Sep. 18, 2012 at 3:34 PM
1 mom liked this

It's very difficult to help him through his grief, because I didn't know how it would come out, when I'm dealing with my own still. When I realized what was going on, thankfully it was nap time, and both boys are napping now, I just sat down and cried. =( I see SO much of her in him. Especially the way he likes to tinker with his toys, and help fix things. That was very much my mother. She always said she didn't NEED a man to fix things, because she could fix it. lol. Jay says he wants to "fix it" with us. Like  he helped us put together his big boy bed. And the moment my mom came over after we had put it together he was all too excited to show her. He even got his little wrench and screw driver (toy ones of course) and showed gma how he helped. She sat down next to his bed with him, and just pretended to screw in the screws with him. When a toys is broken he always took it to her, and she would help him fix it.

Just really breaks my heart. ugh. At a lost for words really.

Quoting AdellesMom:

Aww! Poor baby. He misses his grandmother. :(

It's heartbreaking.


Quoting ExquisiteMomof2:


Quoting AdellesMom:

I think that it's his way of grieving. He's trying to hold on to everything that his grandmother gave him. He doesn't want to share those things because he may feel like he's sharing her.



(((HUGS)))

Yeah, I think so too. At first I thought he was just being a terrible two. But then after my husband and I talked about it, and realized that it is only happening to things that his grandma (my mom) got him. He doesn't mind sharing things we got him (except his security items like his taggy blanket Mickey mouse, and his laugh and learn doggy which my husband I got those for him.) He doesn't mind sharing snacks and other toys, even his beloved Cars and Cars II toys. However he gets very upset and angry when we try to make him share things my mom got him. =( He misses her I'm sure. She was a constant for him. Called every day to talk to her babies. Always played with him on the ground when she came to visit, or we went to her house/hospital/hospice. He is not this particular about toys given to him from his other grand parents and great grandparents or his God parents even. Just things my mom gave him.

Sort of breaks my heart.

He wont let anyone sit in moms special spot on the couch, he gets upset if someone tries to sit there. He says, "no no no! gma sit here. No you sit. Gma sit."


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Sep. 18, 2012 at 3:34 PM
2 moms liked this
Could be but I doubt he remembers where these toys even came from.Let alone act out as in to grieve.I think his mommy is just asking him to give toys to the baby and he doesn't like it so much.

Quoting Anonymous:

He's not.  Developmentally, he's not capable of that yet.   However, even young children feel loss and emptiness following the death of a loved one ... it may just be that the grandma-blanket smells like grandma and therefore he finds it comforting.


Quoting Anonymous:

I don't think he's old enough to put two and two together like that.


Mom24munchkins
by Bronze Member on Sep. 18, 2012 at 3:35 PM
2 moms liked this
Honestly..he is two. I REALLY doubt it. I guess by 3 maybe...but I doubt it. I'd say he likes them and doesnt want to share. My kids have done this over random toys that arent normally favorites. At 2 his memory wouldnt be good enough to recall who gave him something 6+ months ago.
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