Need input about birth father..... updated about visit in december.
Update 10/8- well bio dad contacted me asking for another chance... not to be dad yet but to be her friend and try to establish a relationship with dd! Awesome... that is until i had to email him telling him that all his comments saying i was beautiful and trying to talk about the good old days.... ew(shudders) i can copy and past most of the convo if you all wish in the comments... they way people pick in the post's here is ridiculous. I have nothing to hide either. DD grandma (his mom called) called 2 days ago as well to talk to dd! Its a great start in the right direction. hopefully they keep it up
Thanks ladies!!! This all just validates what i knew all along! The only wrong doing i can agree with and accept as my own is to not call when i had dd... everything else was bd doing, and i cant keep blaming myself... so fron now on i will not... if he wants to be in dd life he can, but he has to do the leg work and i will make sure to accommodate what he wants as far as visit (of course to be fair to everyone including my family), anyone who wants updates can email me here my sn is Barronbaby
Need input.... I say everyone is at fault they say its all BM fault
I moved away after BD began to become abusive. I was 6 months pregnant at the time. BD never contacted or attempted contact me during the remainder of the pregnancy. I had the baby and attempted to get bd involved. I tried to work out visits when she went to bd state, but bd refused because it wasnt in his home, I tried to explain to bd that the courts had told me to do all visits in a neutral zone to avoid conflict until the child had an established bond with bd. bd told myself to leave him alone. fast forward I had another baby with my dh who was born with a birth injury and required a ton of therapy 2 hours away from my home. I have spent the last 3 years fighting for my ds to recover to lead a normal childhood and life. bd want to now be involved with his child 6.5 years later. and is still giving me a hard time about moving and telling me its all my fault. I feel like bd didnt even make an honest effort, but I am willing to let the past go and work for a great future for my child with bd in my childs life. bd and his family refuses to let go of the past and keeps throwing it in my face that I moved so far away.
I have offered visits down anytime i go to visit my family, meet halfway for a weekend once a month for them to see my child and get to know her. as many phone calls as they want to my child every week. and told them they are always welcomed in my home to visit with my child (this way they dont have to get a hotel room). I know i live far away (12 hour drive) but i am willing to do what i have to for bd IF he really wants to be in child life.
I know i did wrong and should have attempted more involvement, but they never once emailed called or sent any letter for me to know what they wanted. Getting a response from bd is like pulling teeth without Novocaine, and his lack of response just shows me how much he doesnt care. but then he goes around crying to everyone how i am such a bitch. i think we all could have made better choices and were all wrong. they say its all my fault and they shouldnt have to clean up my mess. but i didnt create this mess alone right?
the email i recieved last night from his mom:(erased names)
I appreciate the emails. I do not have the internet at home nor do I have a phone that has it so I am not able to check my emails very often. If there would be an emergency, you can call my home and leave a message. T****** is more than welcome to call anytime. If I am not home please ask her to leave a message. I am very busy with work and with my mother who is not in good health. Of course, bd should always be the first notified if there is any emergency (God forbid!) I think you have his email. ***** does get your emails and relays them to us. She is hesitant to respond as she feels that she is not in the position to make any decisions and that it should be up to her brother.
There is lots I would like to say/email, however, I don't know if I will ever be able to explain to you how this situation has affected all of us. It has been, to say the least, VERY difficult for all of us, especially my son and seeing his pain, grief, heartache etc because of it and then trying to explain "why" to the girls. For me personally, as the mother and grandmother, the anger is sometimes overwhelming seeing their suffering and the loss of the last 6 1/2 years for all of our family. I do, however, thank God we have each other or we would not have made it this far. I hope that things do change, that the healing can begin and that T****** can be the part of all of our lives that we so desperately want. (and that it can happen before we loose the older ones of our family, such as my parents who have always been a very vital part of all of our lives) I could go on and on but I won't