My ex really asked me to let him stop paying child support UPDATE
- 357 Replies
Yesterday, when my ex picked up the kids (we have 2 together) he had them go to the car and asked to speak with me. He said that his wife got laid off 2 months ago and hasn't been able to find a new job. He said they have it very hard financially because now he is supporting him, her and her 2 kids on his own, the only income she now has is the child support from her ex. I said, "well sorry, that sucks but why are you telling me this". He said that he needs me let him off the hook for child support, he pays $967 a month for the 2 kids. I said "so let me get this straight, you want to get out of supporting YOUR CHILDREN so that you can support your wife and her kids, no, if you don't pay every dime you owe, I will file a failure to pay motion." Seriously, I couldn't believe that he would even ask that. He said if he has to keep paying child support, they will have to more and her kids will have to move schools, again that sucks but it's not my problem.
My ex dropped the kids at home last night and said "since YOU won't let me stop paying my child support and we still have 5 months left on our lease, we are screwed." He said it won't help that much to have her kids go live with her ex because then she wouldn't get child support and would have to pay something (it wouldn't be a lot because she isn't working but it would be something) and they are still in the same place so it's not like the kids being gone would let them get a smaller place. I said "listen your wife and her kids aren't your legal responsibility, our kids are so they should be the FIRST people you support. If it's really that bad tell her to get a fast food job or something but our kids have 2 employed parents, they should have to go without because your wife lost her job.
Child support does involve your children. Again refer to the red portion of my quote. :)
Quoting Anonymous:
Quoting brettsmomma:I would have given him a break for a set amount of time. Like maybe give the wife 2 months to find a new job and then expect full child support whether she got one or not. I understand these are your kids but you guys should be working together like a team. I totally 100% know I'm not in the majority and don't expect anyone else to agree with me.
I will work with him when it comes to our children, not when it comes to his wife's children. Their needing to move to live within their means would not affect my children in the least (they would still be about the same distance away)
Quoting Anonymous:
You seem bitter. You shouldn't depend on him to solely support the children, what if he lost his job. you would be up shit creek without a paddle. You could have worked with him.
Who said I can't support my children or that he solely supports them? If he lost his job, he would still be ordered to pay something but I would have to pick up extra shifts at work to make up the difference. I am not bitter, I just don't see how his wife losing her job should mean I have to work more. Just like her income (when she had a job) didn't mean I should get MORE child support, her lack of income shouldn't mean I get less. Sure I could work with him, I could also give all my money to a homeless person on the street, but that wouldn't be a very good financial decision, would it?
Quoting Anonymous:
My SO asked he's ex nicely to come to an agreement with him because he took a pay cut and we have a new baby. She said no, he went through the courts and she lost $700 of income.
Not the same, just saying that he may be able to file a modification. did he move, take a pay cut, custody time change? any little thing like that could warrant a small decrease. Or could he go for more custody time?
He can't file a modification based on his wife not working, her income has nothing to do with child support. He can't go for more custody time because they live so far away (for his job, he moved 45 minutes away). In your situation, I feel bad for the mom, if your DH couldn't afford to support his kids and a child with you, you shouldn't have had one, why should she have to suffer?
I dunno...my ex works in a volatile industry, lots of turnover. When the court order went through, I just planned on the fact that sometime in the next 12 years, there would be a month or two here and there when he wasn't able to pay. It makes sense to me to put a little aside every month, knowing it will probably happen eventually.
Little did I know that it would happened to ME first--I was without work for almost 2 months this summer.
I was very appreciative that he was understanding and pitched in a little extra without making a big deal out of it, so they could have the school clothes and supplies they needed.
Even though we don't get along very well, I would do the same if he were in a tough situation. I'd know it will all be on record and he would have to make it up eventually (hopefully at Christmastime!), so I'd try to work something out. Even if you can afford to give him just a small break, it's an opportunity to build a lot of good will with him and his wife.
You never know when the shoe will be on the other foot and you may need a little extra from him, either financially or taking the kids more, watching them while you have a medical situation or whatever. Better to create an ally than an enemy.
Child support that I get, if I don't get it, it doesn't help them at all.
Quoting brettsmomma:Child support does involve your children. Again refer to the red portion of my quote. :)
Quoting Anonymous:
Quoting brettsmomma:I would have given him a break for a set amount of time. Like maybe give the wife 2 months to find a new job and then expect full child support whether she got one or not. I understand these are your kids but you guys should be working together like a team. I totally 100% know I'm not in the majority and don't expect anyone else to agree with me.
I will work with him when it comes to our children, not when it comes to his wife's children. Their needing to move to live within their means would not affect my children in the least (they would still be about the same distance away)
Quoting Anonymous:
Quoting Anonymous:
Why is childsupport so much?It is based on income (both mine and his). It ends up being about 1/4 of his income which isn't a lot considering it's for his 2 children
The courts wont' care what you make, whether it's nothing or a million a year, it doesn't matter. In most cases, they don't care that you have a child as long as the child he will be paying child support for was born first (the way they see it is if he can't afford child support and another baby, he shouldn't have the new baby and the fact that you have another child doesn't mean that his first is less expensive). Depending on how much your SO has his child but it will probably be $250-$450 plus half of all medical expenses
Quoting Anonymous:
I'm wondering bcus my s/o got put on cs and he goes to court in 2weeks he makes about 2000 a month he has 1 child wt the lady and we have 1 also I'm currently unemployed any thoughts on how much they would take from him? Thanks ....
Quoting Anonymous:
Quoting Anonymous:
Why is childsupport so much?It is based on income (both mine and his). It ends up being about 1/4 of his income which isn't a lot considering it's for his 2 children
are you ok with another woman calling your husband "hun" or "babe"